Kicked off as bridesmaid should i still attend the wedding?

If you don't go, the friendship is over. Is that what you want?

Wow! I'm sorry she treated you so horribly. She is absolutely in the wrong and should never have kicked you out of her wedding.

Do you want to remain friends with her? Personally, I wouldn't want to but, if you want to try and salvage the relationship that you will need to attend the wedding. If you are done with her and could care less if you remain friends then stay home, treat yourself, and don't look back.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend anyhow.

Such a sad situation! If you don't go to the wedding it will end your friendship (whatever that is). Personally, I would save the money on the flight and stay behind and not look back. Only you can decide if this friendship is worth trying to work through.

She put a dress ahead of a friend. Stop and think about that. A dress is more important than you. Not only would I not go, I would take a major step away from the friendship, maybe even decide that she is no longer someone I want a relationship with

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Actually, this bride kicking OP out of her wedding party is what made the friendship be over. Seriously?

OP- I can totally understand why you're hurt, and if you were initially in agreement about a dress, I don't think it's fair of her to kick you out of the wedding party because she went back on your agreement. If she didn't offer you any alternatives, like loaning you the money for the dress, then I think you're well within your right to just not attend at all. Yes, your one job is to buy the dress, but only when she picks a dress that's within your budget. IMO, she should've at least offered to pay the difference after you pay what you can afford, but she didn't, and instead, decided you're replaceable in her WP. As PP said- she literally picked a dress over you. I think that's just so wrong.

You have to ask yourself if you still want to be friends with this person. I personally wouldn't and therefore would not attend the wedding.

Nope. If she wants to kick your out because you can't afford a dress, then she isn't a friend. If one of my girls told me they couldn't afford something, I would have paid. It wouldn't have crossed my mind not to. That is friendship.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, she treated you so unfairly! At the end of the day she chose a dress over you. I think you need to take a step back and reevaluate this friendship, I know it can be incredibly hard to let go of a friendship that you've had forever, but just because you've been friends with someone for an X amount of time, it doesn't mean they can walk all over you.

I recently had to walk away from a friendship not too long ago, she had been my best friend since H.S and I thought she would have been my MOH, thankfully I snapped out of it and realized she had only be using me and was deeply jealous of me (why? I dont know haha) anyway, best of luck!!

Wow is all I can say, just wow!

I’ll be your friend she sounds mean.

First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you! Secondly, nope I would not go! As soon as she kicked you off, she ended the friendship intentional or not. She sounds like a horrible person anyways by not taking your budget into consideration and changing her story. Like other post said she chose a dress over you. That’s not true friendship.

Is it a friendship you want to keep? Then I would go. If you are too hurt and don't think the friendship will recover, then I wouldn't. I think it's hard because she told you, you could choose any dress so you weren't expecting a $180 dress. I told my bridesmaids 17 months before the wedding to plan on spending around $1,000 to travel to our wedding (most are out of state) and I asked them if they were going to be okay with that. But that's why I did it so far in advance, so girls would have time to save.

Wow, that is terrible. I'm sorry that happened. I would not continue my friendship with her. I have found that as I get older I'm very selective with who I choose to be friends with because my time is so limited. I have a few very dear friends and I would not have it any other way. Unfortunately that means letting go and moving on from some people who no longer value your friendship. I would not go to her wedding.

I'm sorry you are upset about this. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you know that you are obligated to buy a dress and pay for your own transportation to the wedding. Those are literally the only two actual duties (trust me I just found that out the hard way) of a bridesmaid. A $180 bridesmaid dress is not an insane amount. Granted, I can understand that when you also have a to buy a plane ticket it can add up, but those are things that you should have taken into consideration before agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

While I'm sure you really wanted to be there for your best friend on her big day and stand beside her, it is your responsibility to let her know that you couldn't afford the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid. It is very stressful on a bride when one bridesmaid cannot do what is asked of her.

I would say that you suck it up and go to the wedding anyway. If you can't make it to the wedding, send a wedding gift. This will really put a big bump in the relationship.

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OK, but if your best friend mentioned they couldn't afford the $180 BM dress you suddenly had to have would you really kick your best friend out of your wedding party or would you help them out with the cost? The bride said any black dress....told the OP not to worry about the $180 dress and then suddenly changed her mind and decided no OP had to have the $180 dress? Everyone's financial situation is different, it's never right to just tell someone it's only $xxx because for that person $xxx might be a lot of money!

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But when OP said yes to being a BM, the cost expectation was for any black dress, that could even mean one they already owned ... and then the bride told her to let her know NBD if she couldn't afford the one the rest of the girls ended up choosing, so she did ... then instead of the bride saying no worries, continue to wear your planned-on dress" or "I can cover the difference" she kicked her out without warning

The bride was the one who put the "bump" in the relationship.

View Quoted Comment One MAJOR correction, the bridesmaid buys a dress within her budget. The bride should privately ask each bridesmaid what her budget is. What ever the smallest budget is the limit for the dress, unless the bride is willing to cover the difference.

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I'm not sure you thoroughly read the original post. She was never asked for her budget, and was initially told she could buy any black dress of her choosing. It was only well after OP agreed to be a bridesmaid that this $180 dress came to be, and that dress came to be without asking OP first if she was comfortable with the price.

So I'll say it again- yes, a bridesmaid's one job is to buy the dress, but only when that dress is within her stated budget. If the bride really wants the girls to wear a particular dress that badly, but it's not affordable for everyone, she should be covering the difference between what they can afford and what it actually costs, if she can't be reasonable enough to choose a different, less expensive dress.

And if a bride chooses a dress over friendship... well, that says a lot about her, not about the bridesmaid.

Oh my, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! This sounds like such a sad situation. It’s so hard to believe that someone would put something like a dress for a wedding over a dear friend! I understand completely why you are so hurt, and if it were me I would be as well! No, I would not bother going to her wedding. She doesn’t sound like a good friend at all. If my BFF could not afford her dress I would offer to pay.