Just venting

That’s rough. I’m sorry you have to go through all that. I can understand being frustrated, and let down. I think typically you only get married once. People come and go in our lives. You could always have just a super small wedding just you and your future husband and immediate family. Then next year have a bigger 1 year anniversary party. Hopefully at that point the ones you really wanted there for your big day would be able to make it. Personally on one side I can’t understand the girl with the new job maybe hard to work around, it I also know she could of told her new job that she’d need whatever day off due to a prior engagement. But sometimes they can be awkward for someone if they are in need of a job given the times I don’t know her situation. I do hope it all works out for the best and that you have a wonderful day.

I can fully understand your frustrations, I too was a COVID postponement and there are so many feelings that accompany postponing one of the biggest days of your life (let alone doing it twice).

I do have to say though, I feel like you need to re-evaluate your perspective on this so as to try and lift your mood. From what you’ve described, your friends all have very valid reasons for not being able to attend. I don’t think it is that you have to ‘beg’ people to attend because they don’t want to come, it is because a spanner has been thrown into the works and completely changed the position you are in. I don’t say this with intent to judge you, rather, having experienced postponement blues myself, I know how much my personal perspective on things detrimentally affected my mood. Focus on the positives, not the negatives! Good luck 😊

Yup. I completely understand what you're going through. The logical part of my brain recognizes that the people who aren't coming (mostly) aren't coming simply because they don't feel comfortable being in large groups and not because they don't care for us or don't support our relationship. And I get that. But then of course the emotional side of my brain is so mad and upset that the girls I've been friends with since we were 14 aren't coming, including two of my bridesmaids. And on top of that, my family side was already about half the size of my FH's family side and most of my family isn't coming so it's going to be soooo lopsided at the ceremony. But we just have to focus on the positives which is WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. That's what I keep telling myself - at the end of the day it's about getting married to the love of my life and starting the next chapter of our lives!

I feel for you. Our original wedding date was May last year and two girls I would have asked to be bridesmaids couldn't come on that date so I ended up just having my one friend be MOH. Then Covid came, we eloped, and moved our "redo" wedding to June, then my MOH got pregnant and now can't come to that day. We are now considering moving from June to September and that will mean another close friend cannot come (also pregnant), and will still likely leave my MOH out because she doesn't live locally and will have a newborn. Most our local friends are really his friends (people I wouldn't be friends with if not for him) and most of my closest friends don't live locally, so if travel restrictions are still in place when we do get to finally celebrate it will affect my guests and not his at all.

View Quoted Comment I guess its a matter of just knowing what I would do for my friends, and having them not do the same. The girl with the trip was literally going to Disney and was supposed to be coming home the day of the wedding. During Covid there have been zero change fees for flights and she couldve easily come home a day early. Im in my sister in laws wedding in a couple months and will be starting a new job soon and I will be informing them I need two days off for her wedding because I made a commitment to her a year ago. I can understand being hesitant about flying during Covid but a couple of my friends were iffy about flying in for the wedding even before the pandemic when I know I would do it for them.

View Quoted Comment Yeah thats exactly what it is for me. My friends are not local and the pandemic is affecting their ability to come. I know its just my ego talking telling me people are gonna judge and think I have no friends which my logical brain knows is ridiculous because we are in a pandemic. But its bothering me because I know that wouldve never even been something I had to think about at our original wedding

I have just signed up for an account to reply to this thread... I feel the same and I can’t say anything else other than it sucks. Both me and my fiancé are very loyal people and we feel like we are not asking too much for our friends to come to our wedding. It’s a destination wedding so we understand some may not get the vaccine then and won’t come. But it’s so heart breaking to see most treat our wedding as an inconvenience. My brother in law’s wife is due on the wedding day and they won’t come. My MIL asked us three times to postpone because she has an important work meeting. My MOH is also getting a baby one month before and is not talking about wedding. Some of my friends by seeing others not coming decide not to come too. We booked a 100ppl venue (pre COVID) and now we may not even have 30, and only 10 from my side. Pro: you see who are your real friends and who cares. I also value our relationship so much more, this is the person that will stand by my side no matter what and I am grateful that we found each other. Celebrate your love, enjoy the date with a few loved ones and try to see how a mini ceremony gives you more time to spend with the real friends.

View Quoted Comment Exactly, it is the feeling that coming to the wedding is an inconvenience for them. One friend said she is fine with flying on a plane during Covid, but is the type of person who never gives you a straight answer about what her plans are. She would be staying with me for free, she is vaccinated, would only have to leave work early one day, and her husband can stay with their kids. And I said I can help her pay for her flight and she still cant give me a straight answer about her plans 😂😂 this whole experience has shown me that I dont really want these flaky people in my life anymore and will focus on making better friends. And yes definitely makes you appreciate your relationship more and you see who really cares

I'm sorry you're going through this and feel this way. However, keep in mind that we are still in the tail end of the pandemic, and the people who don't show up don't necessarily NOT care about you, but everyone is very different in their stance right now and we all just need to respect each other's boundaries. I haven't seen my best friend in over a year because she has diabetes and is very high risk for the virus, so she won't be seeing anyone until she gets her vaccines. And it sucks, but it is what it is. As far as the other people, the only thing I can say is that nobody is truly as excited as you are about your wedding. I totally get feeling like people should adjust their lives because they made the commitment to you. I am getting married in November and I have 2 bridesmaids who are going away during the time my bachelorette should be and when our Jack and Jill should be. Those are obviously much easier to work around, but it still kind of sucked that it wasn't going to work when it should technically have been. I'm hoping you have some people there for you, but please try to remain positive and don't let it completely ruin your day! You deserve a beautiful day.

View Quoted Comment No I totally understand Covid being a thing that people arent comfortable with attending events during, but these people were being flakey before the pandemic too. Ive been engaged since late 2018 and we are just getting around to having the reception now. Theyve been iffy about attending even before the pandemic was on anyones radar

I understand your frustration. I started with 6 bridesmaids and now have 3. Had a fall out with one the other went MIA stopped replying to texts back in November and the other got fitted for her dress back in November when everyone else did and to this day she hasn't ordered it, I'm pretty sure she's not going to. Its very annoying but I'm over being stressed out about them.

It is hard enough being a Covid bride with the many postponements, etc. and I totally understand the even greater disappointment when original guests/bridal party can no longer attend for various reasons. Unfortunately, during this time, while many to-be-brides have been stuck in somewhat of a time warp until the wedding happens, the rest of the world is moving on with life (having babies, new jobs, own family/personal struggles, etc.) and when a wedding gets postponed multiple times, guests also become weary not knowing if it will be moved again (no fault of bride due to Covid regulations).


I also think brides need to give some grace and understanding to guests who would require travelling by plane and choose not to (this adds quite an expense: plane fare, days off work, hotel stay, car rental). I'm especially amazed when brides plan destination weddings and expect more than family to attend. Just because the bride thinks Mexico, Hawaii, Italy, Greece, is where everyone else wants to travel for their yearly 2 week vacation, this usually is not the case.

It's two months before your wedding, almost exactly, not a month before your wedding. I'm not sure what exactly you wanted from the bridesmaid who changed jobs? Did she keep it a secret for several months?

It's a bummer that more guests probably won't be attending from your side, but as it's still 2 months out from your wedding it's still possible that more people will be able to attend than have confirmed already. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment Again, she made a commitment to be in the wedding over a year ago and wouldve only needed one day. Im in my SIL wedding in a couple months, starting a new job soon, and will be asking for two days off. And yes, she did keep it a secret because I reached out to her about something unrelated and thats when she told me. I knew she was job searching and wouldve absolutely told her that if she couldnt take off that she shouldnt worry about it, but she never told me that it was a possibility she couldnt come. If you start a new job and say you need one or two days off because of something you scheduled before getting the job, I cant see that ever being a problem in most cases

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I think you need to cut your friend some slack. Each employer has their own policy on taking leave but it generally looks really bad when a new employee asks to take time off when they have only just started a job and are in their probation period.

I don't necessarily think your friend was deceitful in hiding anything from you - it honestly sounds more along the lines that she didn't think it would be an issue and later realised that it was something she couldn't make work.

View Quoted Comment As I said, I was just venting and if you read the whole post it was more about how I was annoyed that she didnt tell me and I had to find out on my own that she would no longer be in my wedding. Also it would have been one day. Ive had lots of jobs in my life and never had a problem taking one day early on 😊 I was approved to take like ten days off for my honeymoon about two months after starting a new job. but thanks for your input.

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I know - I read your whole post.

Admittedly, sure, your bridesmaid could have mentioned things a little sooner but I imagine that she was worried about disappointing or upsetting you. After a year of planning and anticipation as your bridesmaid, I don't imagine it would have been easy for her to say "sorry, I can't anymore".

Just because you may have had flexible work arrangements doesn't mean everyone else does and particularly given how shocking the employment sector (globally) has been as a result of COVID, I can fully appreciate the hesitation of any new employee to ask for time off. You can't hold something beyond her control against her purely because in your own experience, you haven't had an issue getting time off in a new job. I literally know people who weren't allowed to take leave for the first year of their new jobs.

View Quoted Comment Being afraid to say something is not a good reason, were adults, not 9 year olds. And yeah that’s crazy and I would never ever even consider taking a job like that. Work life balance is important, and if you cant take one day you need a new job girlfriend. Being able to take a day after two months on the job is not “flexible work arrangements” 😂😂 my goodness

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Good for you, but in this scenario, it is not you who has started this new job. Work life balance is very important, agreed, but you've also completely dismissed the legitimate rationale that most employers will look down upon taking of leave during the probation period.

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You're making assumptions and not giving your friend the benefit of the doubt. The fact that she told you when you called her doesn't mean that she was hiding it from you. The fact that you think it should be easy for her to tell a new job that she needs to be off for your wedding in two months doesn't make it so, nor does your experience of not having trouble taking a day off early on in a job make it a universal or even widespread fact.