So I dont even know where to start..... So I know I'm breaking every code that there is on here... But I'm canceling my wedding amd doing a small elopement....im not doing a reception or a dinner....im canceling my wedding party.... Cutting the guest to twenty people....(immediate family and a few uncles and aunts... And changing the wedding date.... I havent sent out save the dates.... I haven't sent out invitations... My bridesmaid are part of the reason I'm canceling it but they havent purchased anything so they arent missing out.... Part of me is so devasted.... But I dont know what else to do... My mother in law has been so awful.... She spent 30 minutes two days ago trying to talk my fh out of marrying me... With his sisters who are suppose to be my bridesmaids.... I'm jist so confused and hurt.... And so sad that I have to change our plans to make sure his mom doeant cause a scene.
Dont allow anyone to disrupt your day. Your wedding day is about you and the person you're marrying. Your FH needs to have a conversation with his mom and sisters before the wedding. Good luck to you and your FH.
He has and they aren't letting up.... Its been awful..
I say go ahead with your wedding. My own mom has been awful. As far as I know at this point she still isn’t coming and is trying to talk my dad out of walking me down the isle. She tries to bring it up or argue. If it’s over texts I send one simple, I will not partake in this with you. If it’s in person I simply leave. She wants to make a scene? There will be people there prepared to remove her or anyone else. We are also taking out the “if anyone thinks these two shouldn’t wed” part. If you thought that you should be home and not at the extravagant party we’re throwing in celebration of us. Lol. Don’t let them take away your wedding day and anything you wanted on that day.
That is awful! I am so sorry that they are doing that to you. A bridesmaid is supposed to be your rock through it all. They are supposed to lift you up and make you feel as amazing and beautiful as you really are. Is there any way that you can still have your big day and just choose new bridesmaids? I would hate to see you throw away the wedding that you wanted (if it is what you wanted) because of their actions. The wedding is not about them, it is about you marrying the man of dreams. Please keep us posted on everything with this. I am sending positive vibes your way!
Either way she will come.... I cant exclude his mom from the wedding because then his seven over sibling and dad wont come and I know how much that would hurt him.... And they wont come because they know if they do her wrath will be directed at them next. But we discussed it and feel like at a small ceremony with no party or dinner there isnt much she can do.... And i know that if we have a big wedding my mom and aunt would never allow her to stay.... But I dont want all that drama on a day that is suppose to be happy.... We are also going to take "if anyone thinks these two should not be wed" out as well... Plus my brother is going to marry us so I could see him telling her to shut up and sit down even if she tried too...
I am all about team family but he needs to cut off communication with them. I would change your wedding date drop them as brides maids but if you want a big wedding I would cut of communication and not tell them 1
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I think this is something you should consider after the wedding, OP. My dad’s family were always obnoxious to my mom (my mom has a slight physical disability and my aunt very nicely told her that she and my grandfather did not want “faulty genetic material” in the family. My sister and I did not inherit it, and even if we had, it would have been easily corrected by surgery when we were infants. Meanwhile, my aunt has a million mental health issues, who has the faulty genetic material now? 🙄 My Dad’s family always caused a strain on my parents’ marriage and was probably one of the underlying reasons of their eventual divorce. OP, I strongly support cutting off ties with family members and in-laws who are not supportive. It just isn’t worth the emotional drain. I am sorry that there are people in your life who are trying to manipulate you and your spouse. It will be very hard trying to decide how much you two can or want to accept your MIL in your lives, but ultimately you will make the right decision for you.
PS My aunt, my dad’s only living member of his immediate family, is coming to the wedding, as our flower vendor. Hopefully this will get her to STFU. If she has time to sit and talk with our guests during dinner, we sat her in the very back of the room, where she can’t enjoy her flowers or try to approach her cousins or my mom’s family. 😈
Sorry you are going through this. You should have the wedding of your dreams, and don’t cancel it because of other people. And you don’t need to have a bridal party - I don’t have one and many people don’t. You can still get ready and talk about your wedding with friends and family, but all the obligations and requirements of bridal parties aren’t there. I would give it a few days to calm down, and then make a decision.
I had to go back an read your forum again simply because I couldn't believe it the first time I read it! What is wrong with these grown women?? Dont let them ruin what you set out to do. I would let them know that there has been a change of plans and you wont be having a bridal party 🤷♀️ it's not unheard of...I'm not having one, just my daughter good luck with whatever you decide!
Go ahead and move forward with your wedding plans. They dont have to be bridesmaids and you don't need bridesmaids to get married. You don't need a bridal party. Take your power back and don't let them dictate your life. If they don't support your union just let them know they dont have to attend the we. If they are asked why they didn't attend that's something they will have to deal with when they get asked by people. If they causw problems they will be rhe ones that look like asses to everyone. Don't let them ruin your day.
Don't cancel your wedding on account of other people. Its your wedding and by changing the plan just because others want to make you feel terrible, you will only regret it in the future. I know everyone is different but I am very forward. If I felt someone was not committed enough to being a part of my special day, I would just kindly tell them that as much as I would have enjoyed their involvement, I understand if they do not want to be involved, and for that you will simply just change gears and go on without them. Make them aware they are always invited to the wedding (other engagements), but you need help along the way and need to trust the people you picked will help. I would additionally speak to your FMIL and let her know that her comments to her son about you are upsetting you and you would appreciate that she not get involved either. People are stupid. Do your thing and dont worry about others. Not worth it, their loss.
I think you are making a wise choice to move forward but with a very different plan. You have said that she and her daughters will be there no matter what. Best to limit their ability to affect your day. I would hate to see you spend thousands of dollars and walk away from your wedding with anything but joy and it doesn't sound like that would even remotely be possible. She would be much less likely to say or do anything rude in a small group that will all be watching her like a hawk. The only other choice to be considered is postponing the wedding until you can resolve these issues. What is her reasoning for her beliefs that this would be a mistake for her son?
At the end of the day, it's just you two. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not the ideal situation to be married in. Sooner or later, this will be a conversation that you will all need to have because you're obviously marrying into this family, not just him and his family. You need to be a part of the conversation as well so you can clear up any misunderstandings. The longer it festers, the worse it will get and affect certain areas of your relationship.
But again, it's just you two at the end of the day. And if eloping will make you happier, then do it. But if you think you might look back and regretting the big wedding you could have had, then action needs to be taken immediately so that you can move forward with your plans.
Honestly I'd sit down with your fiance and simply tell her that you"d like her to be a part of this day but that you won't enable her toxic behavior. Explain that she's welcome but that she will be removed at the first sign of misbehavior. This gives her the option to either act right or get lost. This also offers the siblings more of an incentive to attend even if she refuses to go, because they'll clearly see that she made the choice not to attend rather than being not invited.
I know this is a lot easier said than done as we too are dealing with my own toxic family. I think in the end it's a personal choice. If you think that you'd be just as happy having a small ceremony and ending it there, then I say go for it. But pleaaaaaaase don't sacrifice lifelong memories that you would have loved to make just because your MIL is a garbage human being.
Also, if you choose to forgo any reception then I'd suggest you and your fiance take some of that wedding money and spend it on a little getaway together where you can celebrate your wedding bliss in peace.
Hope this helps.
Why dont you take a moment, a few days, a week and just focus on you and your FH. Talk about things and for only a week or whatever time you need focus on your relationship instead of just a wedding.
Its important we dont forget a marriage is so much more than just a wedding. Even i have had times i have to hold myself back and analyze what this is all for...
I am so sorry you are going through this! I had to read your entry more then once because I am so shocked that grown women can ast this way! The only sugestion I can offer you is if you end up keeping the wedding. Only invite close family and friends to the ceramony and then invite everyone you were origionally going to, to the reception. So dont invite your Fmil, fsil's to the ceramony and just the reception. This is what I am doing with certain family members. And then at the reception, have a seating chart and seperate them or sit them all in the back. You deserve to have the kind of wedding you want. And no one should ruin that for you.
I wish you luck in what ever you decide!
P.S : you arnt breaking any wedding rules buy postiong about eloping, with a lot of brides not getting along with fmil or realizing the cost of a wedding or not loving being the center of attention...its a hugly popular form of wedding
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Here's the thing: this isn't going to get better after you get married. This isn't going to go away. If she's trying to break you up now, she's going to continue to undermine your relationship as husband and wife. I say this as someone who had to cut out toxic family members. Don't be like me. Don't invite them to the wedding because they will cause issues. Don't let them change your wedding plans because they shouldn't have that power over you. I ended up cutting my family out because of their behavior at my wedding. It put a huge damper on our wedding, and it makes looking back on that day painful.
Your FH has to set up strict boundaries now. If he can't or isn't willing to then you honestly need to get into couples counseling ASAP. Having family members in your life like this will poison your marriage. I don't say this to be mean. I know it will hurt him if certain people don't come to the wedding, but it will hurt your marriage much more if you alter your plans and he allows your FMIL to continue her toxic ways. Trust me when I say it's better in the long run to enforce boundaries now. If the family members choose fear of your FMIL over wanting to attend your wedding they are showing you how important you and your FH are to them.