Just need to vent before i explode!

Awww...you said you don’t want advice so I won’t give any. Sending hugs, laughter, and light your way! Maybe you guys can do your idea before or after the wedding...maybe row renewal in 5 or 10 or whatever many years. Doesn’t help today’s problem but gives
you something to look forward to.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! This should be a happy time for you and your FH. My question is, why are you asking everyone’s opinion in the first place? Are your parents contributing at all and if so do they want/need a say in things? If they’re not contributing then they really don’t need to be informed of your plans. All they need to do is show up the day of! Best of luck to you and I hope you start to have easy planning. 🤞🏼

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That's a really good idea and one we were actually thinking about doing for like our 5 year or something! I'm actually "planning" it all right now, gives me a little bit of a break from reality anyway!

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Thank you! I wish I could, but at all fault of my own, I'm a people pleaser and am terrified of upsetting people or any conflict at all.. I just don't want to let anyone down

View Quoted Comment Girl yes! Small victories! I understand family pressure, it’s really tough sometimes!! Make sure you continue to find ways to keep your stress levels low and your personal joy high!

Who’s paying for the wedding? No pay, no say. Maybe because I’m older, but I wouldn’t spend my money on a wedding I didn’t want. I would probably elope or have that small mountain wedding of your dreams (if you can get your FH on board) then suggest to your in-laws then can plan a vow renewal or reception with all the traditions they want and you & your hubby will happily show up as honored guests and play along. 😉

Aw. I know it can be overwhelming. Everyone always has an opinion and lose sight on the idea that it's not their wedding. at the end of the day people want to celebrate with you and people will judge and have an opinion no matter what so if they're going to judge and be opinionated anyway... Then you may as well have done what you want. You do you, girl. And when planning gets overwhelming then remember to take mental health breaks.

Please don't explode!! I'm hoping that things start going your way soon. Just remember, wedding planning doesn't last forever. Soon you will be married and all the drama will be in the past

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Lol thank you for your support! We are paying for it ourselves and i know i need to stand up for myself but I've just never been that type of person. I think where it all comes into play is I had kindof a rough childhood so I never had any of the "big things" alot of people get, no birthday parties, grad parties, anything where I would be the center of attention. FH had all of those things and his family is very close and treats every event like its the biggest thing that has ever happened lol (bless them ) But I think that's why he wants to have this big wedding, that's all hes ever known. I will do this for him and then for our anniversaries or vow renewal we will do it my way. And i think i can live with that... for now..

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368 more days to be exact thank you for your kind words

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Great advice, thank you!

I have noticed the more I share about the wedding the more people have opinions.... So now I only share with my sister and my fiancé and wedding wire. The day of the wedding everyone will see my vision and their opinions won't matter because they will be enjoying the day... Its a celebration of Love ... Good Luck and Vent to us anytime!!!

If you are paying for it yourself, you absolutely do not need to do anything you do not want to do, whether his family whines about it or not. I know you said you didn’t want to hear it, but if you let them overrule you on your day now, they will just take advantage of you in the future. Do the hoop bouquets, your MOH and bridesmaids get no say in that. I’m with you on skipping the garter toss and the noises with the glasses, both super awkward. Hopefully you can get them to understand that times have changed and your wedding does not have to be just like theirs and that your FH will be on board with you and stand up to his family.

Just figure out what's really important to both you and your fiance and run with it. And stop telling other people your ideas, that invites criticism. Just do what you want and let people find out as they happen.

We cut out a ton of those traditions and are so glad we did. No cake, so no cake cutting, no clinking for a kiss, no bouquet toss or garter throw, no grand entrance. We just told people as a fact how things were happening, not asked them what they thought. And maybe some people hated some things that we did, but we got a ton of compliments on how special and fun and "us" our day was.

We did the bridal party walkup that you proposed, as have many people I've known. It's not a big deal and I actually find it nicer for bridesmaids to walk in alone--it lets them, their dress and their flowers shine all the more. If that's how you want to do it, just tell everyone that's what's happening and MIL can deal.

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Weddings are often an ideal time (although sometimes not fun) to start setting boundaries. Your wedding is usually the first project you and your partner are creating as a TEAM. It's the perfect opportunity for a couple to express their creativity, their traditions, and practice their communication.

Also, I would highly advise to stop sharing details about your wedding. Some people love to critique, criticize, make demands, etc. My hubby & I wanted to surprise our guests so we kept everything secret... didn't realize this also helped us avoid any peanut gallery chatter.

Just don’t plan on doing the bouquet toss! Don’t being it up to FMIL, and I’m sure she won’t think of it on the day and in the moment. We aren’t doing that stuff either.

My FH has never been married before and I have so I had my big traditional wedding and wasn't a fan. My sister and her family recently relocated to Hawaii and I thought about how awesome it would be to just fly out with our parents and his brother and do a small ceremony on the beach and have a big party with everyone we would have wanted there when we returned. Unfortunately my FH insisted on the big wedding and I want to be fair since I already had one so we decided to forgo the Hawaii idea. I know in the end that it doesn't really matter because I'll be married to the love of my life and that's all that matters. Just look forward to the good that will come at the end and keep your head up. Good luck and lots of love!

If someone told me I HAD to do something & I was paying for it - I wouldn't do it on purpose. Annoying as hell. I agree no pay no say, it's your day not theirs!

Girl! I'm in a less extreme version of all that! We're doing the 50ish people and bonfire after sort of deal, and my family hasn't fallen apart yet (despite my grandmas thought that it is now going to because my wedding is small)! I hope you get to do what you and your fiance want at the end of the day!

Bottom line... this isn't about anyone else or their opinions. It is about your and your FH. Your bridesmaids are the LAST people who need to be telling you what to do. When they agreed to be there for you on your big day, that was their way of saying I will be there to support you through this and help you, not make you feel bad for the things you are picking. Do what makes you and your FH happy. End of story. If someone has that big of an issue with things as small as this (especially if they want to fight about it), then they are probably not the people you want at your wedding anyway. If you guys are paying for it, do it your way. If all these people want to have their ideas thrown in, then they can help pay for the wedding.