Just got engaged and fh doesn’t want to plan!

I think getting him to come up with a guest soon list is important. FH had zero input outside of agreeing he liked the venue I picked until about a month ago (wedding is in December), and even then, he just doesn't give a crap- and that's okay. I'm controlling and he's incredibly passive- so it works! In the beginning I'd get frustrated when he couldn't answer simple stuff, but now I ask my mom or my bridesmaids if he doesn't seem to care. I actually got him to help me pick a font last week, and I was shocked lol.

The number of bridesmaids and groomsmen don't have to match at all. We asked ours about 11 months out. If it's a destination wedding, ask them sooner rather than later.

Congratulations on your engagement! I just got engaged last Sunday myself.

Before we got engaged, my fiance and I had very broad discussions about getting married--including planning. At the time, he said "it's your day," "weddings are all about the bride," and that he'd basically just show up. He always seemed fine with just getting married at a courthouse, but he knew I wanted a ceremony/reception with family and friends.

Now that we have a date and are looking at venues, he's already way more involved/excited than I thought he'd be! I mean, honestly, I'm already overwhelmed by some of the details and we're not getting married for another 2 years.

The fact that you've already got your family's ranch as a venue is awesome, and a huge help! (I'd love that kind of setting for mine.) Did you and your FH have a discussion about that, or was it sort of a given?

Is there a communications strategy that you've used previously with him for big decisions? Like others have said, it can be helpful to essentially ask multiple choice questions or either/or ones, instead of open-ended ones. For our wedding party, I asked my FH: "Do we want to limit it to family only, or would you like to include friends?" He wanted to include friends, so from there I said, "I'm going to have 4 girls, do you have 4 guys you want to ask?" For our venue, I asked him what was one thing that was a must-have (and gave him examples).

During our conversations, I found out there was some things he had anxiety about (like who to include in the wedding party, traveling to a venue, etc.), so your FH might be nervous about some things and just doesn't want to confront them all at once.

(As an aside, I don't think it'll be an issue if your wedding party isn't an even number! I'd say out of the ones I've attended, they've been more odd than even actually.)

Good luck!

For me, I've done as much planning without my fiance as I can! Haha! He just isn't into planning, and doesn't care either way for most things. So he helped with the guest list, but I did the entire guest list first then asked him if I was forgetting anyone. I picked a date, then asked if he was okay with it. I lined up venue tours, catering tastings, and bakery tastings and he just came and told me which one he liked best. It took him 7 months to decide his groomsmen (19 month engagement). I picked the DJ, officiant, videographer & photographer, invites, Save the Dates, decor, etc. because it just wasn't super important to him to help with that part! So he feels involves, but not enough to stress him out.

Most guys really do not care and they also do not want to deal with any of it. I would suggest making a list of the things you need from him. His guest list, tux or suit, bridal party, etc. Hand him the list and give him a deadline. Only give him things that he needs to decide. If he doesn't want to make decisions or doesn't care what colors, centerpiece, flowers, venue, etc then make the decisions yourself. I will be difficult but not impossible. Sometimes being the only one making the decisions it ends up being easier then trying to get someone who doesn't care to make one.

That's true, mine has a large family many nosy coworkers and I'm sure they've been asking lots of questions and so by the time I asked one or two he's had it! haha! Thanks