Just got engaged and fh doesn’t want to plan!

Maybe try statements like "hey, can you please make a list of wedding guests you'd like to invite by (insert specific date)".

My FH husband is much better about doing things for the wedding planning when I give him a deadline and explain WHY I need that specific information. Also if you can ask his parents they might be able to give you a list of relatives so your FH would just need to deal with his friends, coworkers, etc.

I've found it easiest to pick out a few things ( like 2-3 save the date options) then letting him choose between them. It's too overwhelming and hard to keep the attention of my FH when I am trying to pick out options with him.

My FH was blah about wedding planning in the beginning. Now we have a little over nine months to go and he is showing excitement.
One thing I am having trouble with is trying to sit him down to get last names and full addresses for the same the dates and invitations for his friends and family.
Since you only have 10 months to go, you do need to get started. I don't know what kind of reception you're having. Venues book very fast!! You may be able to lock in this year's pricing which is a plus.
But the big things need to be taken care of soon!!! The bridal party can wait a bit, but your vendors are priority!!
Congratulations and good luck!

My FH doesn't care about a lot. Some stuff I don't even ask him, I just show him what i picked or am going to pick (table cloths, flowers, centerpieces). Big stuff we talk about (venue, food, guests)
I was telling him the other day what all needed to be done and he told me i was stressing him, men!
So, if yours doesn't care or have an opinion I'd just make choices and let him know, or as PP just give him your 2 faves and let him choose which one.

Mine was kind of the same, he didn't even want to talk about it, but we did a rather long engagement. I was honest with him though, he didn't understand why I wanted to plan and I didn't understand why he would get so frustrated when I asked questions about the wedding. I gave him options for each (with pricing btw) and kinda of made it like I couldn't decide between these few that I had picked. He opened up a bit more when I did this.
Ask him what kind of wedding he wants, like actually have him imagine it, and take examples from ones he's been too. Did he like the open bar but hated the 150 guests. Does he want it to be more of a party night with a simple ceremony? Giving them physical examples helps a lot, just talking about it gets them overwhelmed because it could be soo many different things.
You have whatever wedding you want, if you want six bridesmaids and he wants two groomsmen then oh well, make a show of it. Just have fun and try your best not to stress.

Keep in mind that most men don’t really see weddings as a big deal like us women do. My fiancé usually says “it’s up to you” or “whatever you like is fine.” When it comes to planning ANYTHING so I usually go ahead and plan and then run it by him when it’s all done. For the stuff I needed him specifically, I would lead him into it like “hey tomorrow after dinner let’s sit down and figure out the guest list.” Or “do you have a few minutes right now to go over a few wedding details? I want your opinion.” My man is a busy bee and doesn’t really like attention on him so things like this make him nervous. I’ve always been a super planner so this kind of stuff is my bread and butter. For the guest list I also enlisted in his parents for help. (His family is about 10x bigger than mine) Now that we are 19 days away he is sooo pumped though haha so it does get better!

Based on your post, I'm not sure you have a venue yet? Without a venue, you don't have a date. A really good rule of thumb is to set your budget, then guest list, then choose/contract with your venue. It sounds like you and your fiance need to have a good conversation about your thoughts about planning a wedding. Is he ready to move forward with planning or did he think you could just enjoy being engaged for a while? Marriage is all about being able to talk about your needs/wants and then compromise on things that work best for the both of you. If he's already asking you to slow down, it sounds like you should talk about your expectations regarding the timing and scope of your wedding. Good luck!

My fiancé didn’t want to plan anything at first either, so I just made some venue appointments and he went begrudgingly... didn’t want to give up his Sunday. But then when we got there he was on cloud 9, telling me about details, ideas, what he and his groomsmen could do. At first I was like why are we engaged if we’re not going to plan a wedding, but after we picked a venue he was so excited. I think he was mainly concerned about the cost but I picked venues to tour that were very reasonable and he relaxed. Ten months is pretty short, so you really do need to plan now. Our engagement is twenty months so we’ve had more time to spread stuff out, although I wish it was shorter. Also, don’t worry about he wedding party being lopsided, people do that all the time, or mixed gender wedding parties. They don’t have to walk in pairs. I only had three girls i wanted up there and my fiancé had four guys, so I asked my brother to be my bridesman.

Is it possible he didn’t think that the wedding would be planned for as soon as 10 months and he wanted something a little further away? Just a thought, so maybe he’s overwhelmed. I agree with PPs in that you need to narrow it down to a few options that he can have input on. My FH doesnt like wedding talk ALL THE TIME, which makes sense. So try to only choose a couple days a week to talk to him about wedding things maybe?

Every guy reacts differently to planning. I think most warm up over time as they get more familiar with the options available. The fact that you’re only ten months out definitely puts you in crunch time! You need to just start booking vendors yourself. Tell him if he has something important in mind, like specific food, he needs to let you know. Otherwise, you’re booking it and he can be surprised if that’s okay with him 👍🏻.

While I would agree that you should pick a couple days a week to talk about planning, I do see where that doesn't really fit the bill since 10 months will fly by and it sounds like you're starting from scratch. I think you need to have a heart to heart and find out why he's hesitant. Be prepared for him to say that he might want a longer engagement and it actually might be less stressful for you too since you won't have to be on top of him all the time right away with decisions and deadlines. We ran through dates together, some closer than others, but it was a mutual decision and we ended up having 15 months to plan. We also went through the timeline together for planning so he knew when to kinda expect me to ask for certain things.

My FH was like this. Are you expecting your FH to contribute financially? If not, I say just dive in. I don’t think guys care about the details. Of course he cared about who is there on his side, so definitely get that info in the next month or so, even if it feels like pulling teeth. But since my FH didn’t really contribute financially, I ordered STDs and invites on my own, saw and booked our venue with my mom, went to the cake tasting with my sister, booked the photographer on my own, etc. He came to the planning session at the venue with me so he could put in his word about food choices, but other than that, he didn’t really plan. He told me that while he was excited to be married to me, he didn’t care about the wedding much. So I didn’t take it personally and I had fun planning with my mom, sis and FMIL!

My fiancé was overwhelmed by the wedding talks we had after we got engaged. What made him come around was going to see and then booking our venue. He said once he saw where we were having it, it felt more real. Maybe that would help your fiancé?
We wanted to move our wedding up from 2020 to 2019, but our venue was booked for the months we liked. So you’ll need to begin planning ASAP unless you don’t care what your date is!

Just slow down and enjoy your new status a little!!

We girls get pretty demanding and once receive what we wanted (in this case the ring) we move on to the next thing we want. For the guys though, they put thought and money into getting that ring and it’s ok for them to now just sit and do nothing for a while, before the next thing. He’ll get excited, don’t worry, just give him some room to breath now. The whole experience is not all about the bride you know, his wishes count too.

My fiance has only helped plan the caterer, talked with hotel staff, venue, and photographer with me. He also ruled out a color option. Other than that it's all me. Some things he doesn't care about, like flowers, decorations, attire, etc so I just tell him what I bought and how much it cost.

My FH was the same way. He’s not into this kind of stuff so I would just look at things I liked and asked him about his opinion and he would tell me yes or no. I don’t really think guys think about these kinds of things, but I’ve been imagining and planning my future wedding since I was little so I can understand how he’s not as into it as I am lol.

After having many friends and planning my wedding. I feel like men are different when it comes to planning. Try including him on things only that is necessary. Flowers and colors men don’t care about that stuff. Include him on the wedding list, groomsmen list, food selection.
I pick one day out of the week to do wedding stuff so if you inform your fiancé Sunday I wil ask you a couple of things about the wedding what time will be best. Try to advoid questions twice a day every day that can be annoying.

My guy was the same way. We will have had a 6 month engagement window. In the early stages he would say, "I just want to enjoy this." meaning the happiness stage with the calm and not over analyze everything. I've learned that he is more big picture and I am the details he doesn't really care if a purchase from etsy is navy blue or royal blue or dark blue. To him it's more important to be present in the day and about celebrating us and our ceremony. We've had many conversations and he will say things like.. If we plan and organize every thing. Then if that exact thing doesn't happen, it's a big deal and a problem.... When in reality it's really not.

His attitude can be frustrating at times, but he reels me in on going down the detail hole and remembering what's important about that day.

This is how I was able to plan with him. I did a lot of research and then narrowed things down and then asked his opinion. I had a list of 9 venues, we discussed the pros and cons of each of them. Narrowed it down to 3 we saw those three on the same day and made the decision.
I did similar research with the photographer, dj, etc. I didn't "make" him go to every single appointment. I would check in and say, "I was thinking about this..", "I saw this on etsy.. ", "what do you think about doing x or y". Sometimes he might simply say, sounds good or that's nice. But he'll speak up if he hates it or thinks it's not worth it.


Also my mom was kind enough to put a bunch of tasks in a spreadsheet to help plan with deadlines on when things needed to be done. So we meet one afternoon (about 4 months out of the wedding) and talked through what needed to be done, we were all agreed to the deadlines and tasked him with different things. So he had to research marriage license, he designed the save the dates, when we do need addresses by, etc. I think that was helpful with the overwhelmingness of it all

After getting the big items (venue/food, photographer, etc) things done, I focused my attention on me and my dress and shoes and accessories that he had nothing to do with. So I was able to focus on wedding details that he wasn't really involved with during his transition period.

Generally, I think it has gone pretty well. I hope this helps.

Generally I think a lot of men are quite happy to let their future wife just get on with it... I wrote out guest list, then gave him a copy saying to add anyone I forgot. I showed him the colour scheme, he agreed to that, I picked out bridesmaid dresses he said they were great, we went to pick up the big candel holders that'd found and he loves them too! For the caterer I have picked out four, organised appointments and we are going together.....

I'd advise you to pick out a couple of everything you want, ask him what he thinks, and then go with what you decide on together. It takes them less time to pick between two pre-selected things, and they don't stress!

I think most fh's just want to show up on wedding date. Unfortunately I am marrying "last minute larry". Who doesn't have a clue about wedding timeframes and deadlines. So the wedding planning is my therapy it relaxes me. A couple of months from now it will be stressing me (lol) Heads up if you fh/fw is a football fanactic like myself please do not ask wedding related questions during the game.🏈🏈😊