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Rockstar December 2021

Jealous Friend: What would you do?

mrswinteriscoming, on June 25, 2020 at 6:50 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
My best friend has become particularly narky lately. I’ve noticed that ever since I got engaged she regularly says things that are rude, offensive, or just uncalled for, particularly about the wedding, honeymoon etc. I suspect that she’s become jealous (I don’t think she even realizes, it’s definitely not malicious, I don’t think).

I’ve somewhat distanced myself a little bit in that I just don’t engage as much with her because I’m over her snide remarks. Should I tell her how I feel? Ordinarily I wouldn’t be opposed to it but I don’t think it’ll go down well if I actually tell her I think she’s subconsciously jealous. Even if she reacted well to it, I feel like it would make things a bit uncomfortable.
What would you do?


Latest activity by Angel, on June 26, 2020 at 7:54 PM
  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
    • Flag
    Hey girl, sorry you’re dealing with this, it really makes you wonder what kind of friend you had all along. I dealt with something similar when I first got engaged a year ago. A few ‘friends’ were upset I decided not to have bridesmaids. Then, one of those friends who has been with her bf longer than myself and my fiancé (we are 7 years, they are now 10), replied after I told her we were engaged, ‘oh wow, I don’t know what Kevin (her bf) is waiting for.’
    It’s something that may or may night settle and disappear over time for your friend, as it did with mine. If it doesn’t, maybe sit her down and express your feelings on the situation. It’s your wedding day, and you deserve to feel and know that everyone is making your day special!
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    You should talk to her about how you feel, but more of a "I've noticed you've been a little tense lately, is something up?" way instead of "you have an attitude and I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and you're not" way.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    It sucks she's behaving this way and whether is conscious or subconsciously you owe it to yourself and your friend to be honest. I'd meet her out for lunch or coffee and sit her down and let her know her comments are hurting your feelings. While you don't want it to ruin your relationship with her, you feel she should know what's going on. If she's jealous - she'll probably walk away upset, but if she's your true friend, then she'll listen constructively and make it an effort to try and do better.

    Either way, you'll know the truth in the end.

    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    If you think she’s envious try to politely call her out on it the next time she says something off color. If she reacts poorly then ditch her.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
    • Flag

    IDK, I’m not having a bridal party, but I’ve had one friend in particular who I’ve called on for her opinion on my dress, etc. and recently have just felt her opinions have turned negative.

    So I just stopped asking. After she saw my dress on me (after only seeing pics of it) she turned around and said that she loves it lol. It’s a good thing I stopped asking for “approval” and went with my own gut and stuck to my guns in what I liked/loved. Hopefully your friend will get on board, but at this point I would just politely distance yourself.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Super January 2020
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I dealt with this a bit. One of my bridesmaids got engaged about a month after my husband proposed to me, so i thought it would be fun to talk about wedding stuff! Well, every time I would talk about my flowers or colors or my dress, she would make little snarky comments. One example, I mentioned that I wanted to have roses in my bouquet to match the burgundy color (my wedding colors were burgundy, rose gold, and gold) and she said "oh I would NEVER have roses at my wedding." Like ok, I was just trying to have a conversation... anyways, she made other comments as well, but I didn't try to take them to heart. I know she was jealous that we were getting married first, but I don't think she was maliciously trying to say hurtful things. I wouldn't speak up to your friend unless it starts becoming too much.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Sometimes they may not even realize the way they’re acting but as pp said maybe reach out to her and see how she’s doing overall maybe it’s something else causing it
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    So my sister has been this same way throughout my entire wedding planning. I straight up told her I wouldn’t talk about wedding stuff around her if she was going to be rude and tear down things I like.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    With a best friend, I think you should be able to say something like, "Your comments hurt my feelings." Don't try to diagnose her or tell her why you think she's acting this way. Open the dialog with how you are feeling and check in with her to see how she is feeling.

    • Reply
  • Martha
    Devoted February 2024
    Martha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree. Hopefully its something unrelated to you and you can help her through it. She may not realize she is doing it on purpose.

    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly this. Don't accuse her of anything and don't try and diagnose/dissect anything. Give specific examples (if possible) of what was said and how it made you feel. I think the best way of doing this is thinking if it like court and hearsay- facts only and your feelings. Also, approach with care. Give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her if she is okay, etc. This may help her reach her own conclusions and realizations.
    • Reply
  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
    • Flag

    I definitely wouldn't say, "Hey, I think you're subconsciously jealous." Not that you were planning on saying that, but anything along those lines would stir the pot. Just let her know that the things she's been saying are getting to you and you don't know why she'd say that. And ask her why. Believe it or not, my own mother acted like this towards me and I had to call her out on it. She did become nicer afterward lol Also, that's great that you've already distanced yourself from her. Negativity sucks during such a happy time in your life. Best wishes!!!

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