FutureMrs
Dedicated April 2020

Is this a good reason to have a dry reception?

FutureMrs, on December 14, 2019 at 9:10 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 28
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Hi all!


So going to a destination wedding (~2 hr flight minimum for most guests) at a really swanky 4-5 star resort. We are invited to reception only as I’m guessing the couple want the ceremony more intimate. I find out a week before the wedding that the reception is dry. I understand religious, cultural and even financial reasons, but the reason he gave was that the bride doesn’t like how loud the groom (my friend) is when he gets drunk. He is not belligerent or rude at all, just loud lol. Both their groups of friends do enjoy social drinking on weekends. And he wants alcohol to be served but his bride ultimately won out.
I will be attending the wedding because I RSVPd yes. But it is such a bummer to spend close to $1000 for flights, hotel, gifts, travel expenses not to be properly hosted at a super fancy resort.
Also he told me that there is a hotel bar 5 mins from the reception venue where we can all gather and buy drinks. So like a cash bar that’s further away?! Also drinks at the bar will probably run $15-$20 since the place is fancy/formal.

28 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
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    No, it's not a good reason to have a dry wedding. I also think it's incredibly rude to expect guests to travel and pay for accommodations for your wedding and not host them well, but...what can you do?

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  • FutureMrs
    Dedicated April 2020
    FutureMrs ·
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    Thanks Caytlyn! Yeah it’s true nothing much I can do now, as he is my friend and I already RSVPd. I’ll try to make the most of it haha. But I don’t know if I can dance completely sober!


    I think talking about it in WW makes me feel better.
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  • Jennifer
    Devoted April 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, I think it is crappy to keep my new husband on a leash and not let him enjoy his wedding with his friends. Especially considering he isn't violent.


    Maybe they just didn't want to pay their bar package. Those are some pretty hefty prices for a cocktail. His "loudness" could have been an excuse.
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  • FutureMrs
    Dedicated April 2020
    FutureMrs ·
    • Flag
    Hosting your guests properly during a party that you are throwing is the better way to go. I never said that we needed hard liquor or shots, but a glass of wine with dinner and to dance is preferred. You are not supplying alcohol to get guests to show up, that would be stupid. You are supplying alcohol to ensure your guests can fully enjoy your night. Good luck with your wedding and saving on expenses.


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  • FutureMrs
    Dedicated April 2020
    FutureMrs ·
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    Definitely true. I would totally accept that reasoning regarding price if they didn’t choose a 5 star resort in the mountains haha! To stay there is $300 a night but I guess it could be some self pampering too Smiley xd
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag

    I don't drink and neither does most of my family, but husband and his family do so we had alcohol at our wedding. I would have been totally fine with not having it. I don't think alcohol is necessary to have a good time. You may not like, but that shouldn't be the reason you choose to attend a wedding. You should attend because you want to see your friend get married not because you expect to be wine and dinned. I went to a wedding and I hated the food, but I wasn't there for the food I was there to see my brother-in-law get married. We traveled 10 hours for the wedding plus booked a hotel for 2 nights. It wasn't cheap, but the food isn't why I attended. If they don't want to serve alcohol that is their decision. Alcohol is rather expensive and maybe he is using the fact that he is loud as an excuse.

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  • Kristen
    VIP November 2020
    Kristen Online ·
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    Actually I agree with Amber. Since when is providing libations considered proper hosting? Receptions once upon a time were not to the magnitude they are now a days. I do not think limiting the husband is a valid reason but if price is then I agree. Nothing wrong w providing liquor if you can/want but the fact that this is a debate shows if liquor isn't involved it's a bad wedding. I would understand being mad spending money to a wedding and not getting a reception is rude but why does the bride have to spend money to get others drunk? I can have fun without drinking. Ultimately you're their to see the union and that's what is most important in my opinion. Not trying to be rude but I don't feel lack of alcohol should be the reason that this wedding is no longer desirable.
    • Reply
  • K
    Expert September 2020
    Ka-Rina ·
    • Flag
    Id be very annoyed if that happened to me!!! Bring a flask Smiley winking
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    I don't think that's a good reason to have a dry reception, but I also disagree with classifying alcohol as a requirement for "proper hosting." It's their day, and if they decided not to have alcohol, it's no one's business. Alcohol isn't a necessary thing for a fun event. They could also be saying it's because he's loud, but really doing it for another more personal reason that they don't want to publicize. I have a friend who did a dry reception because the groom's father was an alcoholic so it would have been hard for him to enjoy the reception with alcohol there, but they didn't tell anyone that was the reason. I'm sure planning a wedding has been just as stressful for them as it is for all of us and there's no reason to throw shade at someone just because they made a different choice than you would have. Hope you have fun anyways!

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP November 2020
    Kristen Online ·
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    Well said. My thoughts exactly.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Devoted April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree. My fiance wanted us to have our reception at a restaurant. I didn't feel comfortable doing that after asking people to travel across the country for us. Plus, they are our best people, meaning they deserve the best!
    • Reply
  • April
    Beginner October 2020
    April ·
    • Flag
    That is not a good reason at all. It's a lame reason. But also you got the information from the goom, he might be wrong in the reason why, the goom usually doesn't know much but where to be and what time to be there. Sounds like you guys have a game plan after the reception so that's good. Don't feel obligated to stay the entire time if your not having fun and that's a rule regardless of libations. They are spending a lot of money to throw the wedding but you are spending a lot of money too so you should enjoy evey moment as well, it's your money. Have the time of your life and if that hotel gives reward points make sure you get them.
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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    Having a dry reception is up to the couple and for whatever reason they choose, not only if the guests deem it a "good" reason. It's not for the guests to judge their thinking.


    A party of any type can be properly hosted without providing alcohol, it happens all the time.


    I do think you're over the top telling Amber that supplying alcohol isn't to get guests to show up, yet your OP says you'd found out about this a week before the wedding and you'd still be going since you'd already RSVPd yes. It sounds like you wouldn't be going if you'd found out before sending your RSVP. Apparently you need alcohol provided in order to "show up."

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  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    Not a good reason for a dry wedding, and also probably not a good sign for the marriage ahead... but that’s just my opinion lol
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Alcohol has never been a requirement for a properly hosted party. Good food, some beverages, all of the host's choice. Which may not include alcohol. How much you spend to attend, or how far you travel, have nothing to do with what is on the menu for food and drink. You attend because you want to be at the special occasion, or not. Food and drink should by incidental, in standard etiquette.
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    You don't need any reason at all to have a dry wedding. It's only rude to make people pay for something you are offering - it's not at all rude to not provide everything you as a guest may WANT. While I personally think this is silly, it's not at all rude. It would be rude of YOU to not graciously accept the food and drink (alcohol or not) that you are offered.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Yikes. Not good hosting at all. But I also don’t think it’s cool to have a destination reception. For a DW, I would think to invite all guests to the ceremony and reception.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I think they're not being good hosts. That's a selfish reason to make everyone pay for drinks, in my opinion

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  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    I understand your point of view but I also understand hers. Either way, it is their wedding and they/her can choose what they want to provide even if I don't really agree with it. If having alcohol is that important to you having a good time, I would bring a flask.

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  • FutureMrs
    Dedicated April 2020
    FutureMrs ·
    • Flag
    Thanks for all the thoughts and good discussion everyone. Of course I will still go and support the bride and groom and I’m sure it will be a good time. Was hoping for some wine with dinner so I can dance, but it’s not the end of the world, just a small bummer. I don’t want to spend another $100 at the bar so we will see haha.
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