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Amanda
Master August 2013

Is this a fair price for a bachelor party?

Amanda, on January 7, 2013 at 11:32 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

My FH and I are both in the wedding party of a couple who is getting married this May. One of the groomsmen started planning the bachelor party and the est. cost is at least $500 per person, not including meals/drinks/cost of transportation, which is 6 hours from where we all live. We are reeling at this proposed cost. We're in the beginning stages of planning our wedding, which means tons of big deposits to be made. If the girls plan a similar event, FH and I will be spending close to $1500 JUST for bachelor/bachelorette parties - we'd still have a BM dress to buy, a tux to rent, shower gifts, wedding gifts...it's overwhelming.

What's bugging me is 1. the bride and groom are EXTREMELY down to Earth and have said that they don't want to do anything extravagant. and 2. the groomsmen who's planning this still lives with his parents and has no living expenses, so he really can't appreciate what a burden this is.

How should we handle this? Are we just being cheap? cont.

20 Comments

Latest activity by David, on April 21, 2015 at 2:01 PM
  • Amanda
    Master August 2013
    Amanda ·
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    Cont. and also, I would be absolutely mortified if I found out my girls spent that much on my bachelorette party. I'm perfectly fine with a night out at a local bar with all of my BMs, kicking FH out of the house for the night, and everyone sleeping over at my place.

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  • Nic.Dee
    Super July 2014
    Nic.Dee ·
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    Honestly, I think all this crap about spending so much money on a bachelor/bachelorette party is ridiculous. Things (in my opinion) have gotten so out of hand with these events. I had a friend who went to Miami for 4 days, while her boyfriend went to Mexico for the bachelor/bachelorette parties. They clearly spent over $1,000 EACH on the events. I personally think that's A LOT to ask of people. That's besides the whole dresses, tuxes, showers, etc. I mean, if you have the funds, great for you, but going all out like that is not my personal preference. I wouldn't want my girls spending that much on me. I'm also not a crazy party person. I'm more of a spa day and nice dinner type of gal. I don't think you're being cheap. I think you're being totally aware of the money you can spend and afford. You can tell them that you can't afford it and that maybe you can make it up to them by taking them out to dinner/drinks, or something else.

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  • Just Reenski
    Master December 2012
    Just Reenski ·
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    A fair price is what works best for you. If your FH can't afford the price of that bachelor party, he should let the best man know. The BM doesn't need to change plans, but he can go ahead and plan on your FH not being there. Same goes for you.

    If others in the bridal party also can't afford such expenses, they should speak up. If the bride/groom are privy to the plans and would be uncomfortable with it, they can request that they be scaled down some. A bachelor/ette party is pointless if no one can afford to go, but the only way to know that is to talk about it.

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  • Amanda
    Master August 2013
    Amanda ·
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    Thanks, ladies. It sounds like it's in the very early stages of being planned, but word is spreading quickly via text about the cost. I definitely have no problem saying that we can't afford something and not attending - I'm not willing to go into debt for my own wedding, much less someone else's! Hopefully this idea gets shot down REAL quick today.

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  • HoundMama
    VIP May 2013
    HoundMama ·
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    Yeah that's nuts. There is no way I would contribute to that bs, whether I was in the wedding party or not.

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  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
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    I agree with Reenski. However, although we could afford it, I would simply not pay for it. We both had really phenomenal parties, and the cost was nowhere close to it. I would honestly just say no.

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  • Candice B.
    Master July 2013
    Candice B. ·
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    Personally, I think it is too much per person, but to each their own. I also agree with Reenski though.

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  • Jamie Q.
    Master May 2013
    Jamie Q. ·
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    Thats insane. Unless it is agreed on, no plans should be made. But the BP isnt required to go to the parties thrown for the Bride and Groom. I would just tell them that that price is way too much especially since it doesnt include the biggest costs yet. It isnt always possible to work it out with everyone in the BP but wait until you hear from the groom on what he really wants. He might not have any clue what is being planned and would be equally horrified. My FH had a similar issue where the BM and GM had started planning something that was the exact opposite of when and where he wanted. They scratched the plan and redid it.

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  • Lizz M.
    Master March 2013
    Lizz M. ·
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    I completely agree with @FutureMrs.D. It's too much and some people just don't understand how quickly expenses add up! I'd skip it.

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  • MrsPolson
    VIP August 2013
    MrsPolson ·
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    That is high, only time ive ever heard of prices like that is for those Charlie sheen type packages lol FYI if its in Vegas ...The boys can call the strip club of their choice the morning of and they will send a limo usually NC all they have to pay for is the ladies and drinks. My FH did that with is buddies in June and the rest of us ladies did the exact same thing only at a male strip club of course! I assume other cities have similar options but I'm not positive. There's always other options 500$ seems crazy in this economy

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  • Amanda
    Master August 2013
    Amanda ·
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    I agree, this is ridiculous! And the thing is, there aren't any strip clubs or nights out even included in this cost. The proposed $500/person ONLY covers a charter fishing trip or something. So, on top of that cost, they still have to pay for meals and whatever they end up doing at night. I'm really lucky in that my FH is not into the whole strip club thing, and neither is the groom for this wedding. Why this huge, extravagant trip is even being planned is beyond me.

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  • Amanda
    Master August 2013
    Amanda ·
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    I should have said "whatever they end up doing at NIGHTS", because this is a Friday-Sunday event. Whatever happened to bachelor/bachelorette parties just being one night - when did they turn into full on vacations?! I swear, sometimes I think I'm living in the wrong decade.

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  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
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    Whenever I was in a WP, and I was in many, there was always some sort of a poll to see how much money people can spend. Then all plans were made based on the lowest comfort level. If somebody wanted to get something extra and pay for it, power to them. But imposing such a cost on people is unacceptable.

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  • Nic.Dee
    Super July 2014
    Nic.Dee ·
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    I'm lucky too, Amanda, that my FH is not into all that crap. He wants to go to Upstate NY and go paintballing with his groomsmen, and I want a day at a spa, or something adventurous like hiking, whitewater rafting. Something everyone can have fun at and not be uncomfortable or disgusted with. To each his own with the whole strip club idea, but I personally don't like it. Hopefully the groom and bride for the wedding you guys will be attending will choose something affordable so you guys can both go and enjoy yourselves!

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  • Rachel S.
    Master September 2013
    Rachel S. ·
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    I totally agree with Reenski- and Mrs.S...every WP I've been in everyone was asked what they could afford/etc.

    I know for my bachelorette party we're going to the beach for the weekend (but we're driving/staying 2 nights/everyone apparently decided on it without me knowing haha/we're staying somewhere SUPER cheap, etc)...because I said we can do whatever, but I don't want it to cost a lot because 1. I know all of my BMs would contribute even though they may not be able to afford it and I don't want anyone going through that and 2. It's crazy to spend that much when they're already spending a TON! But I've had friends who have flown to places for bachelorette parties- to each their own!

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  • WasSoon2BMrsSmith
    Master September 2010
    WasSoon2BMrsSmith ·
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    No it is not a fair price, unless everyone is made of money. That is what I make in a week!

    Being in a wedding party a few times, I would say each time I have paid about $100 for the bachlorette parties.

    The only time I paid more is when I was the MOH and we stayed in a hotel and I covered her lunch and her portion of the hotel. The others paid their share of the hotel and helped pay for dnner and drinks.

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  • JuneBride2013
    Beginner June 2013
    JuneBride2013 ·
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    To play the other side of this debate ...

    Sometimes the wp is just so excited they want to do something big (for example, the first in a group of friends to get married) or wild ( ex: it's been a long time since the group has been together, or there are babies now). The trip parties can be more of a reunion trip if you look at it like a vacation for everyone.

    My best girlfriends live all over the country and while none of us have much money, if most have to travel (and want to come) to a bachelorette party it might as well be somewhere worth going.

    If you can't afford it say so, if the plans aren't within your budget don't go! Everyone will and should respect your decision. I'd never want to put one of my bridesmaids in financial stress.

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  • Adrienne
    VIP August 2015
    Adrienne ·
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    Oh no, that will not happen in this lifetime. Not for a party. Altogether that better be the cost of everything including the gift. Ok maybe $600-$800 at the most.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes August 2013
    Miami ·
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    Just went to a bachelor party and dropped $3K on the weekend from Friday to early sunday. No drugs. No pay to play. Can you believe that? It will take me over 3 months working at McDonalds to pay off my debt for this weekend (and not paying taxes).

    WHAT A MESS!?!?!

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  • David
    Just Said Yes October 2013
    David ·
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    That seems pricey to me! According to Travefy data, most Bachelorette Parties cost only $244 per person (plus flights if applicable). Here's the data --- https://about.travefy.com/group-travel-data-trends#Bachelor

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