Is there etiquette on gifting less for weddings with no meal? How much would you gift in this situation?

You made a choice to go suck it up....if it is that bad keep your money in your pocket and stay home. An invitation is not a summons unless it comes from the Queen of England

If you're so annoyed by it, then you shouldn't go. I don't see why you're complaining so much about it. You're in a group text complaining about your friend, then you come on here complaining about it more. When people give you advice on what to do, you complain some more.

This is one of the most important days in your friends' life and if you don't want to go, then don't. But there really isn't a need to bad mouth them to everyone you do and don't know. You should attend a wedding because you are genuinely happy for the couple and because you value their friendship and want to share in their special day.

@Brittney- I was actually added to the group text, and haven't participated. Like I mentioned before, I plan on attending, and just wanted advice on what to give (if there was etiquette around giving less of a gift for someone in this situation), but I did feel the back end story was relevant....

It's one of your "best friends" and you're thinking about skimping out on a gift? Suck it up, support your friend, give a card and a $25 CG to BBAB if need be, and enjoy the light apps and hour-long open bar. "With friends like that who needs enemies..."

Are you close to them? If not, don't go. Some people just need attention. No need to feel obligated. As for a gift, they probably couldn't care less about gifts. no registry and laid back wedding. I'm sure you're fine to do something simple or nothing at all.

I would bring my own breakfast to eat and give them a gift card

No there is not etiquette on giving a smaller gift because you don't like the hosting. Base your gift off of the relationship which is the reason your are spending over $1k to go to this wedding

If it's a good friend why would you not give some kind of a gift? Maybe a keepsake item rather than cash?

I honestly do not see how the backstory is relevant. Either the wedding is too inconvenient and you do not go or you attend and provide them with a gift that you feel comfortable gifting. Their approach to their wedding nor their lifestyle should be the deciding factor between a lasagna pan and a Keurig.

UO: If you are close enough to them to know their income, maybe you are close enough to not worry about tit-for-tat. I'd gift what you are comfortable with and able within your means.

Personally, I'd RSVP, "No" in this situation, but I'd still send a gift if it's someone I'm close to.

I would take candid photos and send them a small photo book

If they don't feel like spending money on their guests, then their guests shouldn't have to spend money on them. I feel like a smaller gift in this case is more than fine.

$150.

@MrsWrs Thanks! This is a destination wedding though (I guess everyone has different definitions of a destination wedding). They do not live where the wedding is held (nor do their families), and pretty much everyone is traveling and will spend a night or 2 in a hotel (including them). Maybe because its in the states, its not technically considered a destination wedding, but no one at this wedding is local (I said 90% at first but just realized its more like 98% and the 2% just happened to get lucky since they lived there). I feel as a host you should be taking care of or accommodating people a little more in this situation (frankly I would be a lot less annoyed if it was local because I could uber there and back). I can see why some of our friends who have to buy a plane ticket are even more irritated.

I agree that a cash bar and light food is not good hosting. If it were an acquaintance, I would just RSVP no, but since you've indicated this is a close friend, I would suck it up and go, and give what you would normally give/can afford.

The only thing I will say in defense of your friends, is that it is pretty typical to get 2 nights at a hotel for a wedding. Well, I usually do at least. If it is an airplane ride away, I don't like getting in the day of the wedding, even if the wedding is at night. What if the flight gets delayed, or it takes me a while to get my luggage, etc. I feel icky after getting off of planes and wouldn't want to go straight to a wedding. I also don't like to travel back the day of the wedding. The fact that it is a morning wedding would actually make it easier to travel back that night if you want to save money on a second hotel night, but I also don't like having to worry about leaving the wedding with enough time to check out, get to the airport, etc. But maybe that's just me. I just wouldn't let you needing to get a hotel for two nights affect your decision, as that is pretty typical any time someone has an OOT wedding. If people don't want to spend money on a hotel, they just have to skip OOT weddings, or try to find a cheaper alternative (Air BnB, split a room with mutual friends going, etc.)

Sure, destination weddings can be a pain for guests, but the couple DOES have the right to do that if they wish. They just also have to be understanding that that means less people may come, and not guilt people for not being able to come.

The etiquette has always been that you give what you want to and what you can afford to. Weddings that are more expensive to attend generally have smaller gifts because that is what people can afford. Giving less would not be rude.

How can you be certain of just how much food it is to assume you aren't being fed?

Further, how can you make the assumption that this is any less PP than a full meal?

I am doing a 10am hospitality; 11 ceremony; with 11:30-2 cocktail. I have a generous amount of food, consumption bar, open bloody/mimosa/coffee bars for hospitality, and a sweets table BUT I come out to about $100 PP all in.

Okay Scarlett, here's my two cents:

Make the road trip. Leave the early day before, like 9 or 10am, get the hotel and check in when you arrive. Relax hang out whatever... have some time for yourself. Go to dinner then have a good breakfast in the morning (get a hotel with complimentary breakfast) maybe take fruit or a couple pastries for the road and enjoy your friend's wedding. Enjoy the apps and open bar and leave whenever you want. As far as a gift, the wine basket sounds great. Get a card. Voila!!

You sound like your mind is already made up and you want us to confirm that's it's okay not to bring a gift or give a lesser gift because of their bad hosting.

Since you know this will be a very lightly hosted event beforehand, I would say give a $50 gift card to Bed, Bath & Beyond or a similar place. A cash bar and light food is not proper hosting, but it is a morning wedding, so maybe that's why they're getting around the full meal option. I hate it when folks who are getting married cheap out on their guests--I'd rather not be invited to a wedding than be invited to a poorly hosted reception.