Is there etiquette on gifting less for weddings with no meal? How much would you gift in this situation?

A nice card with a heartfelt message

You don't have to go. If you do, what Nonna said.

Yeah, is skipping not an option? Cause that sounds awful. If you do go, a nice card or maybe a pretty picture frame should do the trick.

A gift doesn't usually represent an investment for a meal or an evening of fun. We bring gifts to birthday parties, holidays and special celebrations all the time. Why is a wedding different?

eta: I agree that you don't have to attend.

I would skip it.

I would just RSVP no

Btw this is one of my best friends and you can tell they really want us there! Otherwise if this was a distant relative or an acquaintance, I probably wouldnt go! Also, they came to my wedding and gave us a decent gift (they also traveled which I appreciated).

I would just RSVP no

The 'pay for your plate' was never a rule or even an etiquette guideline. It was an unfortunate tradition in limited areas of the country.

The cost of your gift should never have anything to do with the style of the wedding. It should be based on what you can afford and your relationship with the couple.

A lovely card with your heartfelt best wishes will always suffice.

Yes, the etiquette is "don't go tit for tat: a gift is a gift, to be given without strings attached." So in that sense, you're the one in the wrong here. Their hosting choices and lifestyle (which is really none of your business) are a complete aside.

That said, if this wedding is horrendously inconvenient for you, which it sounds like it may be, then simply decline and send a heartfelt card as Nonna suggested.

If this is your best friend give her a gift you would normally give and be done with it. Grin, bear it and move on. Yes they are being shitty hosts but be a good friend and wish them well as they start their lives together

I just wouldn't go if you're that passionate about the whole ordeal.

Ok, well now that we know it's a great friend of yours, that changes things. Suck it up, and go. You don't have to give a gift besides a card. They should be fine with that.

Also, am I alone in thinking that giving your friends cash is weird? I have never done that for my friends, always physical gifts.

I'd give them money or a gift card in any amount you feel comfortable giving. What they're doing is kind of rude, I agree, but if you feel you must go and if they are truly one of your best friends the sentiment of the gift shouldn't change.

They might not care about gifts.

No Sarah I am right there with you- I hate giving cash to weddings, but so many people are honeyfund only these days (I just feel things can get reciprocal at that point..this person gave me 100 so Im giving them 100, and its awkward to give them 200, etc.) !

I am thinking of something like sending a nice wine basket (they love wine) to their house, and it looks by responses this would be more than sufficient.

I am not the only one complaining about this btw. A number of people have to make the choice to fly a great distance (spend over 1K to attend) and were ranting about it on a group text. I do think people will not come because of this and I feel a little bad. I think another complaint is that they picked a super fancy venue and had to do this because they didnt want to spend $$ on an evening reception. People would have rather seen it at a less fancy place with a meal served and think it is a little self-centered.

Well, since it's such a good friend, a check or cash in the amount you normally would give a person you are this close to. And an etiquette book.

I just wouldn't go if it's that inconvenient, RSVP no and send a card &/ or gift wishing them well.

@MrsWrs We could (its an all outside reception in the heat though, and its a 5 hour drive). This also means we cant drink at all (which I dont go to to the weddings for drinks, but after a 5 hour drive and a hotel room it would be nice if I could celebrate a little bit).

You have to understand how this is very irritating to an OOT guest...

I would give a gift based on my relationship with my friend. Obviously give what you can afford after travel costs, but I wouldn't give nothing to a friend unless I was truly broke