Is Pornography Okay In Your Marriage?

I don’t agree with pornography in marriage. Part of the problem with my first marriage was pornography. My ex husband had computer desktop wallpaper with naked women and pornographic images, had calendars of naked women in all of the rooms in the house, made me watch and look at porn with him. All it did was make me feel inadequate. Why couldn’t my picture be his desktop wallpaper, why couldn’t he want pics of he and I hanging on the walls, instead of naked women. Was I not good enough?

its interesting because the pastor who is officiating my 2nd wedding says porn is bad for marriages. It leads to sex addiction and the need for more and more porn and possibly leading to infidelity. I believe this, as I’ve been through it.

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I agree with Casey. I know a lot of people see it as harmless, but for me it brings up the "Why am I not enough?" I also just don't agree with it in general from a moral standpoint.

I know a couple who recently divorced over the husband excessive amount of porn watching.
I think most things in moderation is ok. The problem occurs when it becomes excessive and extreme.

I agree with both Casey and Allie. I am against it. This is actually a boundary we had to set early on in our relationship, as he used to watch porn but we came to the agreement that he wouldn't anymore. It makes me feel inadequate... and FH understands my feelings. He actually agrees and feels that it is gross and cheap and wanted to quit watching it himself. If it works for others, then good for them, lol! But for me, us and our upcoming marriage, porn has no place. Why watch and look at other women when I am right here?

If pornography is needed in a marriage I think that someone is unhappy.

I do not agree with pornography in a marriage because I would hope that I am enough. I never like feeling like I am not enough. I am not a jealous person but I do have little self confidence and I think it would crush me to know he would rather watch a porno than be with me.

My sister's good friend almost got a divorce because her husband started watching porn while she was pregnant and then going through a miscarriage. He racked up thousands of dollars in debt because he got a credit card out to pay for all of the porn he was watching. He had to go to therapy and then they went to marriage counseling but he got over his addiction and they made it work but I don't know if I could have gotten over that.

I am not against porn. Only when it would be an addiction and excessive. Masturbation is normal
even in relationships. My FH can watch porn and he never makes me feel inadequate. I think it depends on the person.

I may be the minority. I am absolutely fine with it. In fact, we watch it together sometimes. It doesn't bother me if he watches without me. It doesn't bother him if I watch without him. Neither of us NEED it. It is just nice to have sometimes. I know he's sexually/physically attracted to me (even if I don't understand why sometimes LOL). I am most definitely physically/sexually attracted to him. Not a problem for us.

I am against it for many reasons, but one of the biggest is the connection it has to the human trafficking industry. There are also more than enough studies to show that it activates the same areas in the brain as other addictive "substances." I used to not see what the big deal was, but the more I've learned about it, the more I disagree with any use, regardless of the type of relationship.

I may be in a different situation. My FH is gone out of our home 2-3 nights a week due to work. We are very sexually active. He watches lien on occasion but never pays for anything. He only watches it when he is away from me and we can’t be together. He did tell me when he watches it that he doesn’t really see the other woman, he pictures me. I’m not sure if that is a good healthy view or not. He doesn’t watch it all the time either. We usually get to be together everyday (all day long) for about 7-8 weeks over Summer. He never watches it when we are together because he has me. He uses it as a release. When we are apart we will sext which keeps things hot between us and we look forward to his return home.

However, after all that being said...I can see how it could ruin a marriage and have a warped view on sex and love. I’ve watched it and can actually find humor. So much horrible acting to be honest. Not to mention I’ve seen one girl have really dirty feet and a guy have a small piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. Those are the things I find comical. I’ve been known to ruin an episode or two with my laughter.

It's definitely not allowed in our marriage. We've had discussions about it and I have seen it literally ruin marriages before so I am not about to be in one of those marriages where I have to 'compete' with other people or vice versa.

I feel like it really depends on so many factors that it’s difficult to give a solid yes or no answer. Is it ok to watch it like, once a month or so, when your spouse is out of town or busy or not in the mood? I don’t think THATS a huge deal. Is it ok to be addicted to porn and watch it every night? No. But porn addiction is unhealthy even if you’re not married lol

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of you too! My FH actually had a “Porn Kills Love” sticker on his laptop when we met and he’s anti-pornography in all contexts (videos, images, strip clubs, etc)

I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to this stuff. But hey, to each their own as long as it's something both parties are aware and are fine with! My sister told me her and her husband would watch together, as sort of a flame igniter for both of them. I feel like that can be useful like anything else to spice up the night. Not my personal taste, but to each their own.

It really depends on your relationship in a sexual context. For an outlier example I am asexual and my partner is heterosexual. We will have sex because I know it is important to him to feel connected to me in that way but on days when I do not want to have sex he respects my wishes and uses porn to satisfy himself instead. Even if we were both heterosexual I don't feel I have the right to upright tell another adult what to do or not to do. It would be another conversation of what he desired and what I was willing to give. But like some of us have discussed in other forums here, you can't expect to be or have anyone be your 100%. Nobody is going to fill all of your needs and vice versa. If my guy is filling his needs through lude images from the internet there's a lot worse he could do.

I have been in relationships where porn was OK and enjoyed but in this marriage we both agreed it has no place. We both used to enjoy it separately (him more than I) but it provides unrealistic imagery and standards that neither of us can hold up to. As a woman, I felt "not enough" when he watched it and it was something we discussed early on. Kinda weird when you're hot chocolate and all the videos are of people who look nothing like you!

It is ok to fantasize and appreciate beauty every day but why do they have to be naked and perform sexual acts? Porn is addictive enough to alter the brain, cause ED and leave people turning to it rather than their partners. No fun. IMO, it's not about telling someone else what to do but about respecting boundaries and finding something that works for both. For us, it takes away from our connection so it's a no.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing your experiences.
My husband and I went to premarital counseling and surprisingly this topic did not come up, luckily pornography is not a problem in our marriage.

View Quoted Comment I don't know if my husband watching pornography would make me feel inadequate. I guess it would depend on the type of pornography he is watching and the frequency that he watches it.

View Quoted Comment You bring up a great point that if pornography was watched in moderation then it might be okay. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I guess it would be weird for your husband to let's say watch pornography in the living room when your in the bedroom and he can just be with you.

View Quoted Comment 😮 I never realized watching pornography could become an addiction. In that case it would definitely be unhealthy for a marriage.