is it tacky to have a civil court wedding before the actual wedding?

I don't think its tacky at all. But family might be upset if they found out. And I don't know....but maybe the big day won't feel as special??? I thought about doing this too because we were buying a house, and we could have done a VA loan (which requires NO money down) but we had to be married. We decided to wait b/c of family.

Is really what works the best for you and your FH. If you think getting married ahead of time will work best for you then discuss it with your family and get married early. Its not something that you would have to announce to the world.

This is a hotly debated topic and you're going to get lots of different opinions on it. My suggestion would be to talk to your parents & his parents about it and get their opinions.

Now, since you did ask for our opinions, I'll give mine. Personally I find it really bizarre. I mean, I totally understand what you're saying, but I find the whole mock-up wedding thing to be weird. If I were going to do that, I'd have a small civil ceremony now with my close family, and then have a reception ONLY next year. That way you're not pretending to have a wedding when you're already married, but you still get to have the big party.

It is not tacky at all, ive considered this numerous times and still am. This is probably what I will be doing, with my in college fulltime and him being away in the Marines we NEED to marriage certificate to start any kind of life and right now neither of us have time to plan a weddig.

Theres always some family thats not gonna be happy about it. but if you want to do it, then do whatever you want to do. i personally dont think its tacky. ive considered it myself

Not tacky at all!! Just think about how upset (or not) your family would be if they didn't know, then found out, or you straight out told them..If this is what you want to do, then go for it. Just explain the situation to your family and I'm sure they'll understand!

We were legally married 9/4/09 and the wedding on our 1yr anniversary is for our family, the only person that knows we're legal is my mom and it is still important to her to see me walk down the aisle in the dress so we are doing a "mock-ceremony" as some people insist on calling it....it's the day we celebrate our commitment to each other in front of our loved ones...we just got the paperwork out of the way early Whether you tell people that your legal or not is up to you but I for one do not view it as tacky. Decide what's right for you and your FH....best of luck!

If you lie to your loved ones and trick them into coming to a big fake production, then yes.

If everyone knows you are married and you call in a vow renewal, then I have no problem with it.

RavenK - Is it not a mock ceremony? Is anyone actually getting married? I don't mean any disrespect, but it IS a mock wedding if you're just pretending to get married.

I just don't like the sound of it I wish there were a different way to say it...like when you say someone is mocking you it is not meant in a kind way, right?...does that make sense?

Hmmm I will try to think of another word. I don't mean it in a mocking way, I just have a hard time calling it a wedding when it's not really.

But it is a wedding...a wedding is simply a party to celebrate a marriage...a wedding is not the actual marriage...I guess that's why it bugs me...my comment was honestly not directed at you 3.6.10Bride...I'm sorry if it sounded that way...a lot of vendors and such use the same term and it just irks me...I don't feel like a vow renewal is an appropriate term for us either since the civil ceremony didn't really have "vows" just "Do you? Yes... Do you? Yes...DH and I have designed our ceremony in Sept. so that it will be the first time we exchange vows that have meaning to us

Agree, 100%, with T.F.

Married now = no big deal, people will understand.

Wedding later = vow renewal.

Getting "married" now will mean you are married, thus you cannot have a wedding in a year. A wedding is what takes place when one gets married, and if you're already married--well, how do you have a wedding?

Just be honest with family and friends; times are tough, people will understand. But please, don't hide it if you get married.

But "do you? yes. do you? yes" are vows.

I think there's a difference between a civil ceremony and a religious ceremony for some people. For me, in fact. We're getting married by a rabbi because I believe it's important to be married in the eyes of god and my community.

If you would like to have a civil ceremony and then a religious ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But I wouldn't keep it secret. Be up front and honest with people. It's only "tacky" if you lie about it.

Hence the following sentence T.F.--->our ceremony in Sept. will be the first time we exchange vows that have meaning to us

Yes, but you said that your civil ceremony didn't have vows when they in fact did. They might not have had "meaning", but they were still vows. Therefore, your ceremony in Sept. will be a vow renewal.

My sister's bff sam eloped bc she is in the military and wanted her fh to have benifits... now she is having a formal ceremony ... i dont see anything wrong with it... wether you call it a wedding or a vow renewal is really up to you ... its mostly semantics and i doubt really matters in the grand scheme of life...

... its mostly semantics and i doubt really matters in the grand scheme of life...

So true! Too many times we all (myself included) get our undies in a wad about things that don't really matter.

WOW i didnt expect such devided opinions on this subject... no need to be angry ladies. i just wanted to know how you all felt. i appreciate those of you who were kind in their delivery and to one another.