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Devoted November 2020

Is it rude to mark people who did not rsvp as not attending?

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Madelin, on October 21, 2020 at 12:06 PM

The RSVP deadline was last week (on the 15th). I sent messages to some people regarding their RSVPs, some have chosen not to respond (so I marked them as declined) and others explained why they couldn't attend, or that they plan to attend (but still have not RSVP'd when I sent them the link). There are people from my church that literally ask me how wedding planning is going but have yet to RSVP. Since they already know about it and had over a month to respond, should I just mark them as not attending? There are also people from my fiance's family that have yet to respond as well. This is just a little stressful because I have the catering, dj, and venue messaging me and the last thing I want to do is reach out to people. The wedding is 3 weeks away. What should I do?

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Master October 2019
Meghan · on October 21, 2020 at 1:34 PM
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Right, that is why I suggested calling or texting them stating they would be marked as decline since they did not respond to the RSVP. If you are reaching out to them, this gives them a chance to respond. I had to do this to 1 couple (my cousin and his wife) for our wedding. His wife apologized for forgetting and let me know right then they would be attending.
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Devoted November 2020
Madelin · on October 21, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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I understand and I agree. However, I've been wording it a little differently, as direct and to the point as I am, I don't want people to mistake that with hostility.
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Devoted August 2023
Hhh · on October 21, 2020 at 1:50 PM
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Regardless of how you feel about someone’s lack of response, you have to reach out. This isn’t for them, it is for you. What are you going to do if some of these people actually show up? You either need to plan to accommodate them, get their RSVP, or let them know that you have assumed they are not coming (of course saying it nicely). Try to delegate, but also look at it that you are undergoing a little stress/discomfort right now to alleviate what could be a ton of stress on your wedding day.
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Devoted November 2020
Madelin · on October 21, 2020 at 2:05 PM
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That is absolutely true. If anything, I have thought less people would show up even though they RSVP'D because that's the norm, rather than more showing up. It's difficult to assess with the uncertainties of covid. I will definitely delegate, hopefully my fiance and FMIL can help me. Or maybe even my FSIL since she is a bridesmaid.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 21, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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Yes that is rude for you to presume for them they are declines. You get on the phone or email the day after the reply deadline and contact them. It shouldn't take more than a day or 2. You tally those responses and give to your vendors. Some guests will forget to reply but also keep in mind that the mail service is taking a huge hit this year so stuff is not getting delivered.

Also, your dj should not need a guest count. He plays the same music with same equipment whether you have 1 guest or 500.
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Devoted November 2020
Madelin · on October 21, 2020 at 6:50 PM
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I did not say that my dj was asking about the guests. I said I am receiving messages from the venue, caterers, and the DJ, meaning that I have final things to settle with all of them before the wedding. So yes, it's a little stressful to do all that, do homework, and then on top of that have to reach out to people who did not RSVP. It may be rude not to reach out to them (I agree), but it is also rude for them to miss the deadline date or not respond at all.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on October 21, 2020 at 7:04 PM
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I think it depends. Have you reached out to these people directly with a phone call or personal email/text? If so and they're still ignoring you, that's another story. Otherwise, there could be another reason. Given how messed up the postal system is right now with Covid, it's always possible that some people didn't receive their invitation. I would follow up with the people in question before making any decision!
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Devoted November 2020
Madelin · on October 21, 2020 at 7:06 PM
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Thank you Hanna!
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 22, 2020 at 3:34 PM
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If people haven't RSVP'd I would mark them as not attending but I would also send them as message letting them know that you have marked them as such and are not expecting them, so that they don't just randomly show up on the day of and cause drama.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on October 24, 2020 at 2:55 PM
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You are not being rude at all. You need the head count so you got to do what you got to do
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Devoted November 2020
Madelin · on October 24, 2020 at 3:53 PM
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Thank you!
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on October 26, 2020 at 1:00 AM
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We said something like:

“Hi there! As you know, our wedding is quickly approaching and we wanted to make sure our invite made it to you. We have to turn in our numbers for catering by XXXXX date. If we don’t hear from you by then, we will assume you are not able to attend and we will miss you at the wedding!”
This way, no response was still a response and we didn’t have to keep following up with people.
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