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Madelin
Devoted November 2020

Is it rude to mark people who did not rsvp as not attending?

Madelin, on October 21, 2020 at 12:06 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 32
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The RSVP deadline was last week (on the 15th). I sent messages to some people regarding their RSVPs, some have chosen not to respond (so I marked them as declined) and others explained why they couldn't attend, or that they plan to attend (but still have not RSVP'd when I sent them the link). There are people from my church that literally ask me how wedding planning is going but have yet to RSVP. Since they already know about it and had over a month to respond, should I just mark them as not attending? There are also people from my fiance's family that have yet to respond as well. This is just a little stressful because I have the catering, dj, and venue messaging me and the last thing I want to do is reach out to people. The wedding is 3 weeks away. What should I do?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Nemo, on October 26, 2020 at 1:00 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I called every person who did not RSVP and asked them whether or not they'll be in attendance. I think calling works better when trying to get a firm response than a text. Honestly, there have been so many time where I'll see a text while I'm busy, read it, decide I'll respond later, and then totally forget about it.
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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    You're not being rude at all. I would do one last round of calls this week and mark anyone that you haven't heard from as not coming.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I would try reaching out to them one more time to say, "The RSVP deadline has passed and we still haven't heard from you! Please let us know by [new date], otherwise we will mark you down as not attending." You never know, they might have thought they sent it back and didn't.
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  • Shelly
    Devoted January 2022
    Shelly ·
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    I agree with this response. Although it may take a little time to reach everyone, it's much better than texting. Speaking in person or on the phone pretty much forces them to give an answer, and since your vendors are needing a total headcount, it's necessary.

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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    The ones who said they can attend but didnt use the correct link can still be counted as a yes. I would say reach out twice maximum to people who dont RSVP and if they still dont respond, count them as a no but make sure you let them know that there will not be a chair or a plate for them. Sounds harsh but it avoids the stress of the random people who could show up anyway
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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    I haven't marked anything for the two that said they were attending because they were literally talking to me the day before the bridal shower as they were coming and last minute decided not to attend. My mom doesn't believe they are sincerely happy for me and believes they won't attend. I don't really know what to do, but I feel like with a RSVP card, a wedding website where you can virtually RSVP, and me sending you a message is enough contact. Like I don't want to sound like I'm begging for them to come. It has just been so stressful. I greatly appreciate your advice!
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  • T
    Super October 2020
    Trisha ·
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    You Should Reach Out To Them One Last Time,
    let Them You Beed A For Sure Yes Or No Answer Otherwise They Will Be Removed From The Guestlist. I Had The Same Issue.
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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    I don't disagree, but many of these people I don't really know or have their contact info. Most of the people we are waiting to hear from are my fiance's family, and even he is reluctant to reach out.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I delegated. Anyone who was from my fiance's side, I had him call, or in 1 instance his mom did since it was 1 of her cousins. If he doesn't want to, I would ask him why. If it's something like he just hates calling people, then I'd politely tell him he needs to suck it up and just do it.
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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    Speaking in person absolutely scares me. Honestly, thinking about reaching out in general stresses me out. A little part of me feels like if they cared they could have said something by now. People sent back RSVPS declining our invites, why can't others do the same?
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    Oh I agree and personally I only reached out to the ones who didnt RSVP once to just make sure they didnt forget and to let them know that they cant not RSVP and still show up lol. But a lot of times in my opinion people who dont RSVP are planning not to attend and just dont like confrontation
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    While you way not want to, you need to reach out to everyone that hasn't RSVP'D because if you mark them as not attending and they show up then you won't have enough food or space for them.
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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    Thank you ladies! Y'all motivated me to reach out to a couple more people... through text of course lol. I greatly appreciate your advice.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Totally agree with the others. Reach out one last time. If you have to leave a message let them know that since you didn’t hear back from them, you’re going to have to put them as not attending since you have to give a final head count to the caterer & to ensure they have a place to sit.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    That’s not rude cause that’s the point of having a deadline but I would at least try to reach out another time after the deadline to make sure
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would call/text them letting them know that since you never received an RSVP from them you are marking them as decline/regret and let them know they will be missed.

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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    I love this idea!
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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    But it's probably not ideal lol
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Why is it not ideal?

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  • Madelin
    Devoted November 2020
    Madelin ·
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    It could come off as rude. I'm torn. It makes sense, we gave you an RSVP deadline, you chose to not respond, so we marked you as not attending. But at the same time it's apparently proper etiquette to reach out to those who have yet to respond.
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