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Devoted September 2014

Is it rude to have one brother as part of your wedding party, but not the other?

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VivaLaVal, on August 26, 2013 at 2:59 PM

I have two brothers, one whom my mom gave up for adoption and I just met in 2007, and the other I've known all my life. I am much, MUCH closer to the brother that I met in 2007. Not to mention, he introduced me to my FH. They are best friends, so needless to say he is one of our best men in our wedding. My mom has been pleading with me to find a spot for my other brother somewhere, anywhere. Even as an usher. The problem is, my brother, is not reliable. Plus, we're not close. He never calls or texts, or FBs me for that matter. Never responds to anything I send him... plus, he's never once asked about the wedding. He's never asked about the date, has never given us a "congratulations" and has even never even asked to see my ring! My mom just doesn't understand that I only want the closest people to my FH and I to be in our wedding. I have tried to tell her, but she just keeps saying things like, "Please for me." and, "I think you need to do something with him." (cont. in comments)

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Master May 2014
CeCe · on August 28, 2013 at 12:05 PM
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Sorry I just saw that you responded to me

My parents understand - they were a little taken aback when I told them I didn't want to invite him at first, but they kept their mouth shut bc they did understand. It's a sort of special situation as my sister who I am very close to and is my MOH won't even answer a phone call from my brother.

I did eventually decide that I wanted him to at least be at the wedding as I didn't want ro regret him not being there. Plus he has started making an effort in the last year.

I wish you luck with it. I've been lucky that my parents understand but it can be difficult. Thankfully as he is your brother it is about whether your FH is close to him so I think you're safe there. If hes hasn't made an effort to make friends with your FH - he isn't a groomsmen, end of story GL!
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Savvy June 2015
Paul · on August 28, 2013 at 1:36 PM
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Does your brother even want to be a part of the wedding? If you haven't already, you might want to have a general conversation with him to gauge his interest level in participating (as opposed to just attending). He might well solve your dilemna for you if he tells you that he would rather not take on the responsibility.
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Dedicated July 2014
K & C · on August 28, 2013 at 11:21 PM
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In my opinion, it's your wedding, so you and your fiancé should have the ultimate decision. On the flip side, I understand wanting to appease Mom. Maybe you could have the other brother escort her down the aisle since your dad will be walking down with you? After all, she needs someone to walk with her, and she wants to involve him in it. Food for thought I suppose.
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