Is it rude to have one brother as part of your wedding party, but not the other?

I just need to be able to get her off of my back. Just because he is related to me by blood, doesn't mean he needs to be part of my wedding. We're just not close, sorry to say, but that's the way it is. No matter if he is a groomsman or not, he'll still be the bride's brother on the day of the wedding. Has anyone had a similar situation? How did you handle it?

My oldest brother (who is in the wedding) is 35. The other, is 31.

My older brother is friends with my FH and he and I are closer than me and my younger brother. Older brother is a GM, younger brother isn't in the wedding party. We may have him help directing cars to the right parking area on the day of, but we don't have an actual title for him.

Essentially, its mine and FH's day and we didn't want to add another GM and have to find another BM just to include him.

It sounds as though your brother doesn't care, it's your Mom that does. Just tell her you'll try to find something for him to do the day of, but because he's so unreliable you haven't decided what it is yet, and leave it at that.

I think part of the reason he hasn’t congratulated you or asked to see your ring is simple…he’s a guy. Although it would be polite if he did, guys don’t get as pumped up about stuff like that. I’m close with my brother and he is in our wedding but he hasn’t given much input or cared much about the wedding.

I understand only wanting people close to you in your wedding but if putting him in the wedding would save hurt feelings on his end and hurt feelings on your mom’s end, I would do it. You might regret it in further years if you guys become close again.

My brother is walking me down the aisle, my cousin (who I was raised with as is brother like) isn't in the WP.

Granted we aren't having one (just a best man and a MOH) but wasn't just going to invent something to just to include him. So if you don't want him in the wedding then don't.

I am very close to him though and if we were having a WP he would be something. So it is a different situation.

We won't become close, ever. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He sends texts to my FH, but never responds to anything I send him. I understand he's a guy, I'm the only girl at my company, but everyone that I work with at least gave us a congratulations.

It would probably hurt my mom's feelings a bit, and I am trying to be conscious of that fact, but in the end, it is our day and who we should/should not include should NEVER be forced upon us. I have another BM that I could pair him up with, but that's not the point. He doesn't treat me like a sister or a friend for the matter... not to mention he is constantly moving around. State to state, and is always busy with his friends and/or girlfriends. I have brought this up to my mom, that I just don't want him backing out or not showing up, which he is notorious for, and she still is trying to make me feel obligated to include him.

We're only inviting 160ish people, so shave 10% off the top, we're looking at 145ish. Not really enough people for an usher, and we won't need anyone to park cars... Plus, it would look weird to only have one usher anyways. He hasn't shown any interest what-so-ever in the wedding so that tells me that his feelings wouldn't be hurt if I didn't include him. It's like my mom can't get over the fact that we're brother and sister so that means I must automatically include him. If I thought for one second that I would ever regret it, I would never have started this discussion, but mainly, I just don't want to hurt my moms feelings.

Just because someone is related to you by blood does not mean they are automatically a part of your life. Personally if you want to be involved in my wedding you should have put effort in to being a part of my life the other bazillions days I have been alive. Blood does not make a family.

If it helps my brother is not a part of my wedding. We were very close when we were younger but things have happened that have driven us quite far apart. He almost wasnt invited, but he is now. My sister is my MOH and my FSIL will be doing a reading ad working on stuff for the rehearsal dinner.

@CeCe Thank you. I'm sorry that you two are not close, but I am glad that there are others like me. Did your parents understand that you did not want to put him in the wedding just because you are related to him?

My DH has two brothers (26yrs) who are twins. He is closer to one than the other for certain choices the other brother makes. He had the closer brother as a groomsmen only. I think it was okay because not only because they aren't close, but the more distant brother is getting married in two weeks, and that would have been too hard for him.

I have 3 siblings. I had my younger sister who was MOH and my older brother was also in the bridal party. However, my older sister was not in the party, but she was actively involved in helping me with things. She knows that the relationship that her and I have is still a work in progress. I wanted her there and involved just not IN the wedding. I wanted to have those that have been there through thick and thin for me.

It feels like your mom is asking you to include your brother because of her guilt. I wouldn't do it. I would ask him to attend the wedding but I would not put myself in the position of having him in my party if I truly don't want him there.

VivaLaVal – I see what you are saying. Obviously I am not in your shoes so I don’t understand the specifics of the situation or the emotions you are feeling. You are right, this is your and FH day. It would be an honor in itself just the fact that he is invited to the wedding.

I suppose maybe my advice to you stems from regret about our BP. We included FH brother as his best man simply because…they are brothers. His brother and wife treat me terribly and if I had it my way I would rather they not come to the wedding. But to please everyone else, they are coming and I’m the one suffering inside. I guess I felt a lot of guilt to include him and in the end I’m the one dealing with the hurt that someone standing up with us on our day doesn’t even like me.

Go with your gut, it’s usually on point.

I totally understand you not wanting him in the wedding because of the relationship you two have. But I have experienced a situation like this. My FH's sister and her husband renewed their vows last summer. She never had a real wedding so she went all out this time around. She asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was all for. But then she wasn't going to have my FH stand up in the wedding, yet the other brother (15 year old) was a groomsman. FH was so upset by this. I confronted her about it (I thought it would be weird for me to be in the wedding and not my boyfriend). She ended up revoking my invite as a bridesmaid too. We were going to have her and her husband stand up in our wedding, but aren't anymore because FH was so upset by that. Now I know every situation is different, but I would just consider his feelings too.

2 of my brothers are in our wedding party, 1 is not. I left the men up to FH. It is who is going to be there for him, just like my bridesmaids are there for me. He is close to 2 of my brothers, the other he isn't, thus he isn't in the wedding party.

This does not bother my third brother at all, he feels he is the lucky one of the three because he gets out of all of the responsibilities and having to deal with all the wedding crazy

Sorry, I totally misread what you said. I have two brothers and they weren't part of the wedding party. Though we only had 90 guests and we still had two ushers (friends). They essentially just greeted guests at the ceremony. No need to include him if you don't want to. And one usher doesn't seem weird to me (if that's what you want).

Make him an usher. If he doesn't show up, it won't really matter, and you're off the hook with your mom. If he does show up, he's a part of your special day and your mom will be happy.

For whatever it's worth, general rule has been one usher per 50 guests. We had 155 guests and three ushers and they were kept busy. If you don't want ushers, that's totally cool, and if you want more or less than three (per your 145-160 estimation) that's also fine. But your guest list would certainly be one that ushers would be common. You could always have him be an usher, and ask another male friend or relative (of you or FH) to be a second usher if you don't want just one.

But Nancy T is right - that's a job where he can be part of the day but you don't have to stress too much about him being unreliable, it'll satisfy your mom, and honestly someday down the road he may very well mature and develop a relationship with you. Friends come and go, but he'll still be your brother, whether or not he acts like it now.

Don’t feel bad, my oldest brother will be walking me down the aisle. My other brother will not be part of the wedding. My mom has asked me to let him escort her down the aisle, just so he feels included. I don’t think I need to. It’s my wedding day, if I chose not to have him, he should understand.

It's your wedding, it's your choice, it's your day; do you.

Ok now I got that out of the way, I'm having issues with my brother.

So I'm feeling a little bias these days. My younger brother is trying to bullying me into inviting his kids to the wedding. My older brother has a substance problem and I can't trust his behavior, smh