Is it rude to ask about bringing someone?

I’m 4 days from my wedding and last week I had 3 different people ask if they can bring additional people with them. If you’re going to ask...ask now or before you actually rsvp. I found it super rude for people to ask me so close to the wedding. (Not that this is what you’re doing, just my experience!)


All that I read on etiquette and invitation addressing was that you are to address it to who is invited. If they planned for you to have a plus one they probably would have written it on your invite. I didn’t give plus ones to guests who weren’t either married or in a relationship that was long term or that I at least knew about.

I get that its its a long/expensive trip alone though! Maybe bring the friend and they don’t go to the wedding? Do they know anyone from that town they could hangout with while you’re at the wedding?

My guess is that they didn't intend on you to have a plus one. However, I think if you can approach them in a very polite way explaining the situation with a very open mind that they could say yes or no that would be appropriate. No one likes to be put on the spot like that, but if you make it really clear you are checking it out and will be ok with whatever decision they can make it sounds like that would be for the best.

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I agree with this. Travel with a buddy and they could stay in the hotel or go somewhere!

OP: Plus ones are tricky. And yes from the bride's perspective, if we didn't allow any plus ones more thank likely it's not going to be an exception. There might be other people traveling as well who are singular people.

I would say if you are a decent friend of hers...why not ask? Whats the harm in asking?

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This is true but this all depends on the bride and groom if they want to accommodate other people after they get declines. Right it's not rude to ask but it is still up to the couple if they will say yes or no.

I think it's a little rude, since they are a significant other. Can you drive up with someone, and they can do something else during the wedding but you will still go alone?

As a bride, I'd rather have a guest ask me in a polite and respectful way, than for them to sit there wondering, stressing, or feeling awkward!

I must think differently than everyone else here I would much rather someone ask me is it ok to bring a plus one and get clarity then assume. If u are good friends with them I don’t see no harm in asking, is this invite just for me or am I able to bring a friend if I wanted too. Everyone doesn’t think the same way so asking for clarity is best. I wouldn’t invite someone that has to travel long distance to my wedding and expect them to come alone and I have an airtight guest list.... like u said that is a long drive and most ppl like to travel with someone. Just ask if they say no, ok no harm no foul but what if u go alone and it comes up and they be like why didn’t u just ask it would have been no problem....

Personally, I would just ask. The worst that could happen is she says no.
I wouldn't be upset if someone asked if they could bring a +1 to my wedding. At least they asked before just bringing them!

I agree with others who said to bring a friend on the trip and let them explore while you go to the wedding.

I think I you should ask, I've been in your shoes and the not knowing part is tough. I've also been in the bride's shoes of not k kwong whether or not to add a plus one to certain guests that I didn't think were in a relationship. Just last week my cousin reached out and asked if she could bring a date to the wedding, I was really glad she asked, otherwise I wouldn't have written her invite with a plus one.

Yes! Rude to ask! Coming from someone who has spent many stressful hours going over my guest list... invites are sent with a number of guest and budget in mind!

This is madness. The answer is NO. I’m planning a wedding now and in no way am I high on etiquette but I am blown away at how many people have asked me for a plus one. I only gave plus ones to people that I’ve met their SO. My take is that if it bothers my guests, they don’t have to come but I’m not about to pay $200 a head on someone I don’t know and might never see again. It’s not just plus ones either. It’s couples asking about their kids too. I can’t believe how tacky people can be!

View Quoted Comment The harm is that it’s rude and out more stress on the bride—Regardless of how close you are.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. If I were in your shoes, I would probably just decline and be honest if asked why

View Quoted Comment It's also rude to exclude people's SOs. Couples are a social unit. That's not a plus one.

View Quoted Comment As I said in my comment, I invited any and all SO that I have met. If the SO if truly a “social unit”, I would’ve met them.

View Quoted Comment For lots of people, they may not meet spouses or SOs of all their friends or other invitees. It sounds like that’s not your situation so I can see where you would find it off putting. Both of us have people who we haven’t met but are part of a couple, it happens a lot in our fields.

View Quoted Comment Hi Samantha, thanks for your perspective. I understand there may be SO out there that I haven't met, especially with the country being shut down for a year. However, for my fiancee and I, we spent meticulous hours curating our guest list. Money is an issue for us so we made some tough decision and cuts to our guest lists. So, when someone asks if they can bring an additional guest, it not only drives up costs, but now, I am going to have someone I don't know at my wedding after I cut people I actually wanted to be there. It just doesn't sit right with me. For that reason, I just feel like it is the bride and groom's choice, and their choice alone. Guests should assume and respect that a lot of time and energy has already gone into planning the guest list.