Is it petty to hold a grudge for no-show guests?

It really is a case by case thing. But yeah I wouldn't cut them out of my life without knowing more. People are rude and don't understand the details of wedding planning.

ETA: no shows happen at every wedding. I'm sorry it happened to you. It's inconsiderate but common.

^^^ cosign. You'd be surprised how many people are totally clueless at the costs and details involved with hosting people for a wedding. They really just might not know any better.

I'm sorry you are hurt. Maybe you should talk to them about it? I definitely think it is petty and even a little immature to hold a grudge about it. I do get why your feelings are hurt but maybe they had a real reason for it.

You had people RSVP *months* in advance? No wonder their availability changed. That's too early for invitations to even go out, let alone have RSVPs back. It sucks that they didn't let you know, but it's partially on you for majorly jumping the gun. All you can do is move on from here. No use in staying mad.

I agree with StPaulGal. This is why it is bad to send out invites early.

I would be annoyed if people didn't show up either. I don't think I wouldn't delete them on social media. Probably wouldn't hang out or talk to them though, including text messages or phone calls. It isn't really proper to ask someone why they didn't come to your wedding though.

I sent the RSVPs in November and required them back by December 15 in order to reserve the vendors for a January 14 wedding. Months was a loose term, I should have been more specific. PLUS, I contacted every guest at the beginning on January to confirm the guest count, and they told me they would be there.

I would find out why. Are any of them married?

@StPaulGal months in advance from a guest point of view is actually better to me. If in this case close friends and family didnt show up after putting this on their calendar and constantly being reminded that's pretty terrible. That means they made a decision not to show up.

My friends are travelers. We book. Some of them hounded me for a date after getting engaged so they wouldn't miss it. Its more about the money. It's a wedding for goodness sakes. Thats a big deal.

Unfortunately, no shows are a part of any event. It sucks and I would totally be upset as well, but I don't think it's worth cutting anybody out of your life.

Ehhh, if it is, then call me petty. I'd be pretty pissed if I spent hundreds of dollars to host someone and they couldn't even be bothered to text me later.

@Pia

ALL of them are married, with daughters who are my age who have ALSO been married in the past year or two. That's why it blows my mind; they all are familiar with how difficult and expensive it is to plan a wedding and still decided not to show up on the day of. And not even contact me!

@Pia that is what save the dates are for. If you send the invite months in advance you risk that plans change and people can't show up anymore.

OP that is a reasonable timeline and definitely shitty they didn't come. I think you are fine cutting them out of your life unless you hear an explanation.

Thats why I asked. I would definitely be upset. I wouldn't reach out. Let them do that. When they do hear them out. If they don't, maybe they're just not as close to you as you feel you are to them. That's ok. Im sorry it took your wedding for you to see it.

"We missed you. Is everything all right?" I'd try to find out, tactfully, before writing them off.

We had three no-shows: one explained and apologized; one flat-out refused to explain (which did the relationship no good at all); one we never heard from again and it's been years and years (to hell with him).

@Cassandra

Thank you, I will try and send that to them. I couldn't word a tactful message without sounding mad or upset.

@Miami I understand the concept of Save the Dates. All I'm saying is if you know your close friend is getting married (and I don't mean close like you went to high school and keep it touch when some dies. Superficial crap) you show up! Period. I have every save the date on my fridge. On my calendar. And when I get the save the date and Im going to be across the world I say that. You know if you have something planned and you know if you want to attend the wedding when you see the save the date.

My opinion. You don't all of a sudden change your mind or plan something months later and you KNOW someone is getting married. Thats messed up.

I'd definitely reach out and ask why they didn't come before deleting or anything like that. I would definitely be irritated though - my guest list is only 40-45 people (we have room to add a couple should we decide to do so), so it's very small and very much immediate family and best friends, if they didn't show and didn't give a reason I'd feel sad that they were important enough to me to still be there despite having to make some really hard cuts, and they don't respect me enough to come or say anything if they can't.

But yes, be tactful and just ask. Otherwise you'll be holding a grudge that you don't even know why you're holding.

Are they normally flaky people? Not saying this necessarily about your no-shows--nor do I know the details--however there are people from whom I've gradually faded after getting multiple last-minute cancellations on plans. You really know where you stand with a person when someone repeatedly ditches you when a "better" offer comes along. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."--Maya Angelou

Shit happens. I don't think it matters why they weren't there and it's not worth cutting people out of your life over.

Yes. But-- I am a petty bitch. haha.

I wouldn't say anything but it would definitely impact my relationship with them. It's one thing when an emergency comes up, but when someone can't bother to even say anything then I do think that's rude. Give it a few weeks though, maybe they will say something or a send an apology