Is it ok for fiance/husbands to stay out all night

That is a couple's decision. In my own life, my FH and I have a very trusting nonjealous relationship and neither one of us would be okay with the other going out and returning the next morning.

Sounds like you two need to sit down and talk this out.

Let him know it's bothering you, making you feel uneasy.

You guys will have to find some common ground. Talk it out and figure out a solution that works for both of you, something you can agree upon.

Mmm, I dunno..my FH regularly stays late to watch movies or play games with his coworkers and doesn't get back until 3am or so. It used to bother me, but then suddenly it just didn't. He's out having a blast doing something safe with people we both trust and it's not like there's something he urgently needs to be doing at home. He DOES let me know ahead of time though so I don't waste time cooking extra food or energy worrying about why he's not home yet.

What keeps catching my eye are the lines "it doesn't look good" and "how does it look that..." Who are you concerned is going to be judging him for staying out all night?

Really, it's between the two if you. If it bothers you he should at least be willing to listen to your feelings on the matter and if these outings are important to him then you should extend him the same courtesy.

Just curious, how old are you guys?

That would not fly with myself or FH to be staying out all night. Going out for drinks with the guys/girls? Sure. Not coming home until morning...nope. Haven't had that kind of relationship since I was in undergrad.

ETA: FH goes to best friends house and doesn't get home until 2ish sometimes. I do not count this as not coming home until morning.

@bride2Be he is 32 I am 27. He doesn't have much friends. When he is out he is with his sister is when he feels its ok because its family. I dont give a damn who they are its not ok..lol i just want to make sure I am not tripping. And i dont want to keep arguing about the same things just because they are family doesn't make it ok!!..

Where does your FH stay overnight? My H enjoys hanging out with an OOT friend (was his BM)from time to time & when he does, I know he will be drinking & encourage him to get a Uber n stay there overnight. I know his friend just as H knows my friends. I have a couple of weekends that I stay overnight somewhere with my girlfriends & I can cut loose/drink/everything is walking distance & no one drives. We have no issues with this.

Now, if H was going out locally...without me...all the time....and not coming home til the next morning...yep, I'd have an issue with that!

What time is he currently coming home? Can you guys compromise on an earlier time at night so he still gets to have his family time but is not staying out until "morning"...whenever that may be?

@ambrok his family house is about 45 minutes away from ours. Then i also feel as if ok if your drinking does nobody not take the initiative to call me. These are the times i can never get in touch with him. He doesnt have the decency to call and say hey turning up or hey blah blah whatever it may be.

@bride2be. See coming home at re hours of the morning like you said ok i will let that slide when i say next day i dont see him until breakfast time. Then its a argument. How hard is it to call me give a heads up I never get one. I shouldn't have to call you 30 times to see if your living you know. When i try to dicuss my point of view it turns into a argument

No, to me that is disrespect for everyone in the household (not to call/let you know when they will be home if plans change/that you are safe, etc).

My H & I usually plan ahead for overnight stays (and like I said, doesn't happen often) & the few times H went out & didn't come back when expected/no call...we had that talk! I don't like to stay up, worrying, wondering. That's not right & I can't sleep then either.

Yeaaah, if I couldn't reach him and he didn't have the courtesy to let me know what was up I'd be pissed too.

To me it seems inappropriate and disrespectful. Why does he feel the need to be out like that so much away from you? Why are you not invited along or they come over to your house? Does his family get along with you?

Personally for me this would be an issue my FH and I would have to resolve if there was to be any future. He and I make it a point to never stay on opposite sides of something but rather meet in the middle or concede if we know we are wrong. It's a respect thing here and I don't think you're tripping at all.

I think if the only issue is how you think it looks, then drop it. You don't need to explain your marriage to anyone, so long as it works for you. However, if you are constantly having to do the child care or housework by yourself in the evenings while he's out drinking, that would be an issue for me. Just because you aren't a big partier doesn't mean you wouldn't like an evening to yourself to take a long walk or go to a cafe or just sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine and netflix, and if you never get that because you're ALWAYS in charge of meal planning or homework time while he's out, then that's not okay. It's if you're lonely because he's out so frequently. If one or both of those things is the issue, then you should talk to him.

I don't think staying out all night is disrespectful but I do think it's wrong for him to not tell you that he plans to do so or can't be reached when he's out, especially when you have kids.

My BILs and their friends threw H a belated bachelor party when I was about 7 months pregnant and he stayed out all night, but I knew the general plans in advance and how he could be reached if he didn't answer his phone.

If there's some kind of emergency with you or your children, it's imperative that he can be reached. You also need to be able to confirm that he's not bleeding out the side of his neck somewhere. That's not being controlling. What seems a little off to me is that you said that he lives a different life from his siblings. Clearly he doesn't. He's social and you're the homebody. He has kids and a FW at home, but that doesn't mean he can't go out and have fun. He lives a different life from YOU and that's the issue here.

ETA: I want to clarify that I don't think there's anything wrong with you being a homebody either. I don't like going out too much either and that desire changed even more once I became a mother. You guys just have different social lives. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. The two of you just need to reach some kind of an agreement. You need to figure out where you draw the line. Are you upset by how much he goes out or is it just him not being reachable and not communicating plans? I'm not expecting you to answer those questions for me. Just questions to ask yourself in general.

I freak out if FH hasnt updated me for several hourd and I cant contact him. That part I agree with.

However, I very much appreciate the overnights we each get to spend with our families. For example, I am currently about an hour planes ride away from him at my parents house for Thanksgiving. He stayed more local/went to his sisters an hours car ride away due to his work schedule. I also enjoy spending a weekend here and there with my sister in NYC (about a 4 hour drive away). I wouldnt be happy if he had a problem with me doing that. However, I do stress that regular communication is key.

I agree with pps that staying out isn't necessarily disrespectful, but if he's not communicating with you that's a huge issue. If you're calling him and he's not answering when he's out then he's ignoring you, and that's definitely not okay. You're getting married in 2019, and time will fly!! You need to have a serious talk with him now and make sure he knows how hurt you are that he behaves that way. It's not that he's spending time with his family, it's that he's not even being considerate enough to answer or call to tell you what's going on. I mean I would settle for a text even.

FH and I are very trusting of each other but one staying out all night is a no go! For us If one goes we both are going. Seems like you two need to have a convo about his thinking.

This is obviously a behaviour that bothers you and he should respect that. The 'how it looks" to anyone else isn't really an issue, but if you're uneasy about these evenings, not even from a jealously standpoint, there is a compromise in the wind. I don't have any trust issues with my partner (or visa versa) but neither one of us would do this because it's simply rude.

I also don't agree that both of you should necessarily be reachable at all times (which kinda defeats one of the purposes of spending time apart.....) but if you're going off the grid, it's just polite to let the other person know o they don't worry.

I would be upset and I completely understand your position. There best thing to do is communicate especially before marriage. Perhaps consider counseling as well.

It is really a decision between you two. You also shouldn't worry about how others view your a relationship and family. Your relationship is with him, others don't have a say in the way you two enjoy it. As for us, we are fine with the other going out and staying out all night. We trust each other and that's the biggest key. However, texts are a must! More to keep the other aware that you are safe and doing okay. A text when you get to your location, estimated time you're leaving(or right before you are about to leave) and as of now we do not live together so a text when you get home.