Is it bad that I’m not excited for the wedding?

Woah!! Sorry, I think i actually choked a little bit when I read the word "belong".😖😡🤐. But okay, now that I got that out of my system LOL....

First, stress, drama, and generally ridiculousness can absolutely take it out of you. That is 100% normal. Also, planning can be exhausting! All of this plus burn out can take away from excitement at times. HOWEVER, if it starts to take away from the excitement of actually marring FH, it has become problematic. NOT BECAUSE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, but because people are toxically overstepping their boundaries and something is wrong with them.

If this becomes the case, start holding your line as a couple. It is NOT being a brat to hold others to standards of appropriate behavior and expect them to respect you, nor is it being a brat to correct them when they are disrespectful. You are a human being not a door mat.

I can 100% say that if someone ever said I "belonged" to my husband they would receive a quick response, either informing them that I an not a head of cattle, or that I technically also own him so we are legally "co-owners" of our own cooperation, Miller and Miller LLC., which has a strict policy about outsiders discussing company regulations.... LOL

Stand your ground sweetie. Its not wrong to have healthy boundaries or to enforce them.

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Wow. That is bullying behavior. Stand your ground on the breaks. PERIOD. If you have anxiety and panic attacks you may need them, which it shouldn't matter if you need or want them. But this is a NEED and NOT something to compromise on. Maybe scheduling breaks as YOU [not fmil] anticipate needing them is a good boundary to start with. If FMIL doesn't need a break then she can take the opportunity to socialize. This is WAY too overbearing.

Also, in being proactive in having your breaks, I would find a place in the venue and claim it as your private space where you can retreat to. Tell the venue manager that NO ONE is allowed to bother you there except FH and possibly one BM. If necessary, have a BM stand at the door, or buy a plastic door stop at home depot to wedge the door shut (LOL-j/k) so FMIL or other uninvited personnel cant barge in at their pleasure to tell you that you cant have a break.

Seriously though, giving yourself at least 5 min in a safe/private space is something i have read about several brides with anxiety doing on here, and they all posted that it helped them. Don't negotiate this one.

View Quoted Comment The venue we chose has a bridal suite so i know I have that waiting for me when I take a break from the chaos.

Honestly this whole wedding situation has become so political within my family. Not a lot of my relatives like me but I *had* to invite them and they’ve been pressing every last nerve of mine. They like to joke that I’m gonna be his property once I say I do and that he’ll never have a free night again in his life (but jokes on them cause we love to hangout and spend nights in and be cozy and casual).

We’ve been casually setting some boundaries as to what we will and will not answer when someone questions our relationship and what we will and will not tolerate but they won’t listen to me; only him. He’s doing a whole lot of extra work to try and give me a voice and let me do the things I want without feeling guilty for it. But in all honesty, I’m excited for when all of this madness will be over and we can live our lives with peace and privacy.

Have you considered eloping? Just leaving them with this extravaganza they forced on you and doing something quiet and personal and private and loving--like getting married to each other with each other--and no fuss?

Since you don't want the wedding she designed and don't like most of the people who are fussing at you, why not? A declaration of independence--and, if they never speak to you again, you're better off.

View Quoted Comment I want to but he doesn’t. He implied that it would be rude to elope at this point. Plus we put a ton of money into this whole thing and we don’t want it to be wasted.

To be honest, my mentality for the reception is: it’s my party and I can leave if I want to. I highly doubt anyone would notice if I did leave and I know I’m going to be way more relaxed once it’s all over.

She designed a wedding you don't want, bullied you into it, and then left you to pay for it???

The money is already wasted.

View Quoted Comment We were planning to pay all along. We had ideas of how we wanted things to go and who we wanted to invite and then she had us sit down with her and go through all of it. I heard all of our ideas get torn down because they were dumb or impractical and she laid out a plan of what would work out best and we just went with it.

We were able to shave everything down to a super basic and simple ceremony and I stopped carring about the reception. In this case, the wedding is not about the couple, it’s about making sure the guests don’t complain.

The day we chose for our wedding is actually both of our birthdays so it’s really just a big fancy birthday party. As long as we’re married and nothing else stresses me out I’m going to take this all as it is. I will definitely stand my ground on more important things as they come up closer to the wedding (and onwards into the marriage and relationship). Maybe I’m being naïve but I honestly think she’ll let up once this whole wedding and stuff is in the past. I get that she wants the wedding to go well and for everyone to be happy and to try and accommodate everyone’s needs but I wish I had spoken up when I had the chance.

In the end of it all no one will care once the party is over and we’ll be married and that’s what counts.

If she goes on in the future explaining why what you want is stupid and wrong and why you should do things her way, please remember that help, advice, and support is available at DWIL.

View Quoted Comment Honestly I feel so horrible that I have to find a way to “deal with in-laws” but I don’t know how else to properly prove that I’m a capable adult that doesn’t need a parent to hold my hand through life. If I wasn’t that way I wouldn’t be getting married. It’ll be nice to read and get some advice for this. I still have high hopes that she’ll let up after we’re married. If not I know where to look for help. Thank you for the help ❤️

I think it almost always takes a little negotiation (or a lot) between a new wife and her husband's mother--the mother is used to being first and close; she's now no longer first, her son has a new nuclear family, she's not so close--it's tricky at best and horrible at worst. But many mothers-in-law recognize that it's in their best interest to let go of their son and get along with their daughter-in-law; and many daughters-in-law recognize that it's in everyone's best interest if they can maintain a pleasant relationship with the mother-in-law as long as is doesn't mean she's a third party in the marriage, stomping on boundaries, and insisting on remaining the matriarch-in-charge. Friendly is nice; civil will do; doormat is impossible.

For example, my own mother-in-law felt that her son's house was hers to invite herself to; as his wife (and owner of the house in question), I felt it was our house and she would be invited by us from time to time. Clarifying this (which was done by my husband) took about two sentences, one of hers unpleasant--but it passed and was okay thereafter. She cared a lot more about having a good relationship with us than she did about having things exactly her way--so I was lucky, and it worked pretty well.

But a little negotiation is inevitable and not a bad thing. (Conflict and doormat and three-party marriages are bad things.) You know I wish you well--

Omg, I feel the same way! I am not exited at all, maybe not for the same reasons as you. When I (yes I, because at first he was not into planning it) started planning it, I was supper exited. But I saw the lack of interest on his part and he was always saying “we have time..”, and then I started to loose interest. Then my mom and her drama. It was hell when my mom was against it.. I was suffering so much. Then all the disagreements with my fiancé, for EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and just not being flexible with me. Then two of the bridesmaids, wanted everyone else to get the dresses they wanted. Then my mom finally was ok with the wedding but started a whole new drama: inviting a lot of random people that I don’t talk to and some that I do not know. We are paying for everything so I refused to invite people from her list. I just slowly lost interest and at this point, I couldn’t care less and I can’t wait for it to be over. I wish we had just gone to city hall, I wanted something nice but it has been a living hell.

Every single guest wants to have things done their way.. have an idea of what could have been better, where the wedding should have been done at. I am just so over all this.

I wanted to eloping since the very beginning but he didn’t want to and now I feel like all this drama is mostly his fault. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever get over that fact. I have been telling him that we should cancel the wedding and do something small but he doesn’t want to.. anyways, we are only a month away so I can probably hang in there.