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Devoted October 2009

Is anyone afraid of someone showing up uninvited?

FutureMrsSmith, on September 17, 2009 at 4:25 PM Posted in Planning 0 25
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Hi ladies, is anyone afraid of someone that you don't care for and didn't invite, showing up uninvited and unannounced? If so how are you handling or planning on handling it? I'm just curious, bc my biological father whom I haven't seen or talked to since I was 11. He's just a nasty person, he would so show up just to ruin the day, there's a lot of bad blood between him and us. He'd so make a scene, and my biggest fear is his showing up and doing all of the above. He's a very violent man too, and I just, I don't want that for anyone, I don't want my guests to have to endure that either. So, I'm just trying to play it by ear and not panick unless he does show up, but, what am I going to do if he does? As best I know he does not know about the wedding, we've kept it hush hush and only invited my grandparents and 2 aunts that don't talk to him. Anyone having a problem like this?

25 Comments

Latest activity by sheila, on September 19, 2009 at 2:11 PM
  • AidaLily
    Expert April 2011
    AidaLily ·
    • Flag

    I am afraid of my FMIL showing up to the wedding. She says she does not want any part of it and will not show up, but she is a very hateful and mean person who would show up just to ruin the day. She is very unstable when she doesnt take her meds and has threatened to stop taking them plenty of times in order to go off on me and more. I plan on having one of my bigger family members play the part of a bouncer and if she comes and starts trouble then they will kick her out of the wedding.

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  • AidaLily
    Expert April 2011
    AidaLily ·
    • Flag

    Oh and she is not invited as my FH will not invite her but she heard about it from someone we thought was a friend.

    • Reply
  • C
    Master October 2009
    CelticChick831 ·
    • Flag

    I have an ex coming that was self invited by his parents but I dont think he will show. In your case, do you have a planner or BIG friend who could "check" people in as the come in? I would give them a picture so they know what he looks like and maybe they can get him out before you even know he is there. I would even call the local police and verify what you can do given that its not your personal home to kick him out if he comes being that he is violent.

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  • Dyan
    Devoted October 2009
    Dyan ·
    • Flag

    We will also have people at the door of the ceremony and the reception to ask unwanted guests to leave if necessary. Also a friend of mine is coming who is a police officer. If anyone shows up and tries to cause a scene or refuses to leave, an officer will already be there. I don't anticipate any problems, but you never know so it's good to be prepared.

    • Reply
  • MRW82584
    Super July 2010
    MRW82584 ·
    • Flag

    I'm worried my arch nemesis will be there. She is by far the worst person I have ever met in my life. Shes the type of person that is your friend until your world doesn't revolve around her and then she is the most evil person ever. I just found out last week she is moving back to town here in the next few weeks, and is friends with a few of my good friends and I'm sure she will try to find someone to her her be their 1! The evil girl tried to to everything in her power to split up me and my now FH when he was in school out of state (she was his roommates girlfriend that moved outta state with him). She lied to EVERYONE of my friends to make them believe he was cheating on me. Shes like krytonite ARG!

    • Reply
  • FMS, the barefoot wife!
    Master August 2010
    FMS, the barefoot wife! ·
    • Flag

    We do antcipate un-invited guests, There are a total of 3 people on my "not allowed in at all list" and I have 2 very scary, very large and burly cousins who are going to be the bouncers so to speak, If anyone shows up to the dance, uninvited, they can stay as long as they're not causing trouble, BUT as soon as they start too, there is no please sop, it's get the hell out!

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  • FMS, the barefoot wife!
    Master August 2010
    FMS, the barefoot wife! ·
    • Flag

    Please stop*

    • Reply
  • May2010Bride
    Super May 2010
    May2010Bride ·
    • Flag

    I'm afraid my FH's Ex-wife will show up just to start things. She does not even know we have been dating, let alone just engaged and due to marry. Her son comes to visit my FH on some weekends (at least once a month)...he is 16 and doesn't tell her I'm even around. I don't answer calls at our house since I have moved in with him incase it's her calling. I chose to not announce the engagment in the paper afraid she would see it...but our paper publishes all the marriage licenses. So we are hoping she doesn't read through them. Her son (the 16 yo) wants to be in the wedding....but if she puts two and two together down the road (that he was with us the weekend we get married) we are worried she will kick him out of the house. We are leaving him to make the final decision. We just need to get past two more years that her son will be 18 and then we don't have to keep "us" a secret.

    • Reply
  • Jessy
    Master May 2010
    Jessy ·
    • Flag

    My abusive step father is not invited and I'm afraid that my mother might just bring him anyway. I don't have a plan in place yet, but I am thinking that I might alert the campus security (my wedding is at a college) and let them deal with it. Just seeing him will make me want to puke though. I'm really hoping that he stays away.

    • Reply
  • Aussie Bride
    Master February 2010
    Aussie Bride ·
    • Flag

    My FH has a daughter with a woman who makes our life hell. this was a two week fling and she didnt even know who the babys father was. since the moment she found out we were dating she suddenly started contacting him and me (she never spoke to him since the paternity test and wont allow him any custody of his daughter) she's told him if he marries me he'll never see his daughter again tells me im some whore he picked up off the street even tried telling us that he didnt love his daughter because we picked november 15th to be married in and his daughters birthday is november 28 (date has since changed since the visa is taking longer than expected) i am so worried she will show up to our wedding his sister in law is her best friend. My father is ex army and ex security so he will be on the door seeing who comes in and will send her straight out if she turns up.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super November 2012
    mayo ·
    • Flag

    The only one I would be worried about is my brother.. there is alot of hard feelings and I just can't stand him and neither can anyone else, my other brother just about kills him everytime there in the same room, it doesn't work out them just hearing the others voice.. soo I am hoping to have my reception at Hershey Antique auto museum and from what I understand they have security and I will have them be sure he is not allowed anywhere near and be fully alert on how dangerous he is and can be. As far as the ceromony, well thats a bit iffy but I know as long as weapons aren't involved (which he has never done before always his hands) then having our family around I know it'll be taken care of. I want to hire a cop for the day litterly cuz I'm scared of him!! My sister's wedding was a bust from my oldest brother (we have 4 bros) 16 yrs ago he got drunk and trashed her wedding.. I'm praying it's not like that here and it wouldn't have to do with booze this time. keeping my fingers crossed

    • Reply
  • Country Bride
    Devoted July 2010
    Country Bride ·
    • Flag

    My dad is having one of his friends that is a cop dress in uniform just in case anything gets out of hand. Not only with UNWANTED ppl showing up but with drinking too, because there is going to be about 350 ppl at my reception and I want everyone to have a wonderful time!

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Libragurl
    Master October 2010
    Mrs. Libragurl ·
    • Flag

    Hmmmmm no actually they should be afraid of me if they come un-invited. See FH is shaped like a bouncer but he is so mush nicer than I am. So they will be told they need to kick rocks or pay the venue for the plate. Would you like me to stand guard at the door? I won't charge you!

    • Reply
  • VegasBride
    Super September 2009
    VegasBride ·
    • Flag

    I am afraid that my future brother in law will show up. Which is why we are contacting our Venue's security department and providing them with a picture so they can put it into their system. I love Vegas technology. If he steps foot onto the property he will be picked up very quickly and escorted out. WOOT!!!

    • Reply
  • Ronald&Kanedric's
    Devoted October 2009
    Ronald&Kanedric's ·
    • Flag

    I am afraid the people will show up with children especially after we told them no children are invited...

    • Reply
  • F
    Devoted October 2009
    FutureMrsSmith ·
    • Flag

    I can sympathize with all of you ladies and I'm sorry we have to go through this. The closer the day comes the more I worry. Unfortunately my venue does not have security. I have lots of guy friends and cousins, I just worry about their welfare too. He is known to carry weopons and is extremely violent. He's been in and out of prison for numerous reasons. I'm just afraid of the situation. Celticchick I have thought about contacting the local police and seeing what I could do since it's a private event but a public place. My mum thinks I should invite him in bc he won't expect that, but I'm afraid that if I do then it'll void some firm action that I can take and anything that might be done for self defense. My ceremony location is outside in a public garden, no way to secure that Smiley sad I'm just going to have gather my male family members together and we'll form a plan of action. Now I just need to find a way to stay calm and not worry about it till/if he shows up.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Libragurl
    Master October 2010
    Mrs. Libragurl ·
    • Flag

    Mrs. Smith.....do you have it in your budget to hire a security guard for the ceremony only or is the venue in the same spot?

    • Reply
  • F
    Devoted October 2009
    FutureMrsSmith ·
    • Flag

    I don't have security guards in my budget at all. LOL, and no, outside ceremony in home town, reception in neighboring town. That's why I thought of rallying my male family members and or talking to the police in each town to see what I can do if he would show up. I guess I'll just pray for the best and be prepared for the worst and handle him when he shows? I don't even know if hiring security is possible around here for me.

    • Reply
  • F
    Devoted October 2009
    FutureMrsSmith ·
    • Flag

    Libragurl I'm glad you said something. I DID NOT KNOW That you could RENT security!! Smiley smile Especially around here! I went on yellowbook and there's one security co that offers guards in 100 mile radius of my home town! $17 and hour per man, SO WORTH MY SANITY!!! Smiley smile You just made my day and all my stress is whew, bye bye!! Oh what a relief, thank you!!!!!!

    • Reply
  • N
    Dedicated February 2010
    Nashea ·
    • Flag

    Im actually terrified that my FH's mother will come.. I have never met her and am told i never will. No ONE in his family gets along with her.. We have told people that do talk to her that the wedding will actually take place some where else and keeping the real location on the DL. Also my future brother in laws ex wife/baby mama/ slut has tried to ruin my life. i hope she doesnt show... if all else fails our DJ used to be a cop so it will all work out. Smiley laugh

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