Is a destination wedding rude?

We had the exact same issue. The family that was seriously pushing back travels outside the country no less than 6 times a year. My guess is they didn't want to be told when/where one vacation would be, which I get. Had it continued, I would have dropped it. I just want to marry my honey, I don't care when or where.

While I wouldn't say rude,I would say that it's inconsiderate to some, mainly to the VIPs. You're almost forcing your parents, siblings, etc. to shell out money for YOUR wedding. If they can't afford to, they'll then try to despite money that might be used towards something else and/or now they'll have to take multiple days off of work for you.

For a normal guest, eh. I'm not a fan of them, but if I'm not "expected" to be there, I can easily decline. This may sound petty, but if I don't like the location enough, I won't go. I don't get that many days off during the school year and don't have unlimited funds. I also like to travel, so I choose my travel destinations very carefully. If I was saving up for a trip to, say, Dublin and now someone is getting married at a resort and I have to stop saving for that trip, I'd be annoyed.

That said, I wouldn't disown you as a friend because you made the choice to have a DW. I'd just hope you'd not disown me as a friend because I don't want to spend hundreds or up to a thousand for your wedding, and I stay home.

I think it depends on how one defines 'rude'. If any action that doesn't put other's feelings first is rude, then a DW is definitely rude-- you're asking friends and family to shell out more money and use up vacation time to come see you get married. On the flip side, you're only asking, not telling them they have to, so in that way it's not rude-- they can say no and decline, and while they may be disappointed, cause they wanted to be there, life is full of disappointments. As long as you don't get mad at people for not wanting to go, I see no problem with it.

FSIL had a destination wedding...my FH and I ended up spending over 1000$ on airfare, hotel, etc. and only were able to be there for less than 48 hours due to work and school. We were only given 2 months notice so it was really difficult... If you want to do a destination wedding my advice is to give PLENTY of time for people to save and try not to get upset/mad if people can't come

It's not rude unless you have expectations on who will come.

Personally we are doing a DW wedding and if it only ended up being us 2 that is ok too. We approached it early and let immediate family know they are welcome to join us and make a great vacation but under no obligation.

We are in the same boat! FH wants to do a destination wedding in Vegas (We live in San Diego). I don't know if I'm on board yet (we're touring venues this weekend) but FH'S family is being very rude about it. They're saying that it's a stupid idea, no one will come, etc (even though it's pretty cheap to go to Vegas and people could even drive too). We decided to ultimately do what we want to do and not let them dictate our wedding

Ah yes. "It's your day".

yes it is. and you might have it by yourselves.

If that works for you, fine!

Destination weddings are not for everyone -- even if the couple has held on to the fantasy of getting married on a tropical beach for years. DWs have a dynamic that makes them somewhat more challenging than a conventional wedding.

For example, whenever I receive a wedding invitation in the mail, my immediate thought is, "Yes, I'd love to go!" I'm willing to drive a few hours if necessary. If I received a wedding invitation for a destination event, my immediate thought would be, "Sounds beautiful. It's too bad we're not going." Would I like to go? Sure, who wouldn't? But getting consecutive days off for both of us, paying for airfare, hotel, and food is asking a lot (unless the couple is an immediate blood relation -- as in child, parent, or sibling). The truth is that if we're going to exert the time and spend the money on a trip to a beautiful destination, it's going to be a destination we selected (after considering several destinations) and will enjoy in privacy. As for an STD giving me extra time to plan to attend...it would still be a no (for the same reasons).

So, that's why I believe DWs are usually very small. I do believe that parents should make every effort to attend these types of weddings for their kids, but I also realize that a lot of middle-aged people took a huge hit with the economic crisis that hit back in 2008. Too many did not recover, and too many cleaned out their savings and 401Ks. Some may not have the income, and if that's the case, only the couple can decide what they're going to do.

You can certainly have a reception with all of the trimmings after you return home. In fact, one of our earliest weddings was for a destination bride who wanted silk bouquets for her DW. She had one of those beautiful, evening beach weddings in the tropics. A small entourage accompanied them. A few weeks later, we were back and setting up centerpieces at what can only be described as their very conventional ''at-home'' wedding reception. I have no doubt that reception was every bit as expensive as every other open bar, multi-course reception we've serviced.

Thank you everyone for your responses. Both my fiance and I have very small, not-so-close families. Actually, our friends are more like family except for my parents and his dad. So when I started planning, I thought it would be a great idea for a DW because we could all have a vacation. Our friends are on board, the family however still needs convincing. You all have helped me very much so thank you!

What if they don't want the vacation that you are planning for them (by default), though? I'm not trying to dissuade you, but to see things from their perspective.

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. And in the end, It's up to you. We put feelers out and the people that were most important are game. Most of them are friends. For me, I'm closer to my friends than my family so that wasn't a deal breaker for me. FH and I also love to travel, always have, this means something to us and that's more than enough for me. We are, however having a reception back home for the family that doesn't want to travel.

Is there a particular reason you feel strongly about getting married in Mexico? Or is it just to have a DW regardless of the location? FH is from France so our wedding will be a DW for my side of the family..but it's important to us to have our ceremony there. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have chosen a random vacation spot and done something local so everyone could attend.

Unless your guests have a bottomless pocketbook I think destination weddings are extremely rude! Its just way too much to ask from people! Most people I know end up paying credit card interest to attend a destination wedding. That is something I could never expect from friends and family. Most people get one vacation a year and I don't expect them to spend it at my wedding. I think they are the most selffish concept ever. The only way I would ever have one is if I could afford to pay everyone's expenses. Most brides also have a shower and expect a wedding gift on top of all the other expenses. I get that its your "special day" but don't put everyone else in debt!! Most guest spend well over $1000 to attend destination weddings. I would rather them have that money for investments to their future. If you want to go away and get married make it easier on everyone and come home and have a reception! Also, don't forget all the days off work, airfare etc. your guest have to deal with for a couple of hours!

There are some circumstances where destination weddings are not rude -- like, when the bride is from Place X and now lives 3,000 miles away in Place Y, and has the wedding in Place X. That's understandable. But in many cases, destination weddings mean that guests will have to shell out quite a bit of money for the honor of watching you get married on a beach or something. And yes, they don't have to go. But how do you imagine close relatives and friends will feel if they can't afford to go to your wedding?

Here's my story:

After her engagement to a wealthy man, my first cousin invited us to an expensive destination wedding at a resort that would have cost at least $1500 per guest to attend. Now, there are two sides of the bride's family: (1) the wealthy side, for whom a destination wedding is no big deal at all, and (2) my side of the family.

On my side, my mother (the bride's aunt) is on a fixed income and food stamps. There was no way she could go. There's also my sister (the bride's first cousin), who works at a near-minimum wage job and recently declared bankruptcy. No way she could go either. Both of them felt embarrassed and ashamed, and also felt very left out because they really wanted to go to the wedding.

I didn't go either. My fiance and I could have afforded it -- although it would have been a strain, and we weren't thrilled about taking an expensive trip without my child (who, needless to say, was not invited). But out of solidarity with my mother and sister, I stayed away.

So, keep that in mind. You might think you travel in appropriate circles to have a destination wedding, but unless EVERYONE close to you has lots of money, someone is going to feel left out and embarrassed. This same family had a local black-tie wedding for their other daughter, and my mother had to skip out on the cocktail-attire rehearsal dinner because she'd already spent way too much money on her formal dress for the black-tie wedding.

We are going out of our way to make our wedding accessible to everyone as possible. For our out-of-town guests, we're booking a block of rooms in an affordable hotel near the venue. We're making arrangements so that out-of-town guests won't have to rent cars. And we chose to have an afternoon wedding because we have a fair amount of guests driving in from two or three hours a way, and we want them to have the option to not have to rent a hotel room. It may be "our day," but that doesn't mean we have the right to make unreasonable demands on our guests.

My Daughter wants DW WITH family an friends she getting married on sat,she wants me an my wife there from thurs to tues ,I don’t want to leave dog that long I want to leave after wedding the next day is that rude she says I’m picking dog over kid,, help