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Just Said Yes May 2017

Is a destination wedding rude?

Sara , on April 5, 2016 at 11:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 35
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My fiance and I have always wanted to have a destination wedding on a beach in Mexico. Our friends are totally in but we are receiving a lot of push back from family members. We don't have a lot of money to spend on a wedding but we don't want our guests to fork out a lot of money either. We will have an at-home reception so that others can celebrate with us. Any advice?

35 Comments

Latest activity by Doreen, on February 20, 2020 at 1:22 PM
  • Rebecca
    Master November 2015
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    If you want your family to be there but they're not on board, have a local wedding or pay for them to go. If you truly don't want your guests to fork out a lot of money in order to attend, a DW in Mexico is not the way to go.

    • Reply
  • Heather
    Super October 2016
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    It's your wedding do what makes you happy. Someone will always have a negative opinion. Don't let it change what y'all want

    • Reply
  • MrsPettit
    Super May 2016
    MrsPettit ·
    • Flag

    You do you. No matter what decision you make, you cannot please everyone. You have a right to have a destination wedding, but they have a right to say no.

    • Reply
  • FutureMilitaryWife (Jessica)
    Super November 2016
    FutureMilitaryWife (Jessica) ·
    • Flag

    Why would it be rude? It's common

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    It's not rude. But if you're having a local reception, it won't necessarily save you money. The reception is what costs money; the ceremony cost is typically the same regardless of the number of people.

    I think a lot of people think that a DW followed by an at-home reception is less expensive, because they figure they can have an informal and less expensive at-home reception. But you could have an informal and less expensive reception right after the ceremony, too.

    It's not rude to have a DW. But personally, I'd rather have a wedding my family and close friends can afford to attend, and then just go on a honeymoon to whatever exotic location you're considering for the DW. And that's particularly true if the DW is to Mexico. The legal requirements there are onerous enough so that most people end up getting legally married before leaving, anyway. So why not have family there for the legal wedding?

    • Reply
  • Jeleebeenz
    VIP September 2015
    Jeleebeenz ·
    • Flag

    It isn't rude for you to have a DW. It also isn't rude for people to decide not to come to it.

    The only thing I will say is plan the wedding that gives you the outcome you really really want. Do you want all of your family there or is a DW more important? Only you and FI can find the right answer to that.

    I fully expect one of my nieces to have a DW in a few years. The chances we will attend or very very slim but we won't hold it against her for choosing a DW.

    • Reply
  • Celia Milton
    October 2020
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    There is no phrase on this planet that I hate more than "you do you" (except I"m voting for Trump).

    Of course you do you. we all do.

    In a sense, every wedding is a destination wedding unless everyone lives in your home town. Of course, some destinations are more glam than others.

    It's not rude, it just presents a different set of circumstances, and probably a different guest list.

    Personally, I wouldn't go to anyone's DW unless it was a place I wanted to go, that I could afford to go to, and a time frame that worked, and no, STD's wouldn't make any difference because I'm booked into 2018 now.

    So you makes your pick and you takes your chances, as my mom would say.

    • Reply
  • twostep127
    Super June 2016
    twostep127 ·
    • Flag

    DWs require a much larger financial and time commitment than non-destination ones. That's especially true when you're going somewhere further away or to a resort. It's certainly not rude to invite people there, but it is rude to expect them to attend if it's not feasible for any reason. Is your immediate family concerned they'll be excluded from your wedding because they can't afford to attend? If so, I'd reevaluate the location or help pay for them to be there if their presence is important to you. VIPs are different from other guests.

    • Reply
  • Hollyberry
    VIP October 2016
    Hollyberry ·
    • Flag

    I think you are thoughtful for being concerned about your family, but it is your choice (of course). They should understand that you want to do what you want to do just like they do in their lives. Now, if your wedding is in fact 6 months from now like your date says, that could possibly be the cause of concern, because for many people that just would not be enough time to save money for the trip, get passport updated, make arrangements, get vacation time from work, etc. But I have a feeling the date you have on there isn't correct. If you want as many people able to come as possible, for a far DW for anyone, I would say at least a year's notice for them to get vacation time, etc. would be important.

    I'd be curious if anyone else has a good time frame of how far off it should be to make it possible for people to make the plans.

    • Reply
  • bleucrayon
    Devoted May 2017
    bleucrayon ·
    • Flag

    No. Most of my family lives across the country from me and would never leave their small town even to come to where I currently live if I were to have a 'local' wedding.

    We're having a destination wedding and we don't expect a lot of people to come which is ok with us.

    • Reply
  • Tamisha
    Devoted April 2017
    Tamisha ·
    • Flag

    What @2ndBride said.

    • Reply
  • Missys984
    Master October 2015
    Missys984 ·
    • Flag

    I don't think they are rude but it is asking a lot of your closest family and friends if you want them there. Some people don't want to take their vacation to wherever you choose you want to get married. I wouldn't mind having a vacation but kind of annoying when its chosen for me, especially if I have been to the area before. But at the same time, am I really going to complain about being on a beach (usually) with a drink in my hand? NOPE!

    You just have to be open to people not coming. If you are ok and understand that than I don't think its rude. Its your choice to have the wedding you want, but its your guests choice on whether they want to attend and spend that kind of money. You can't get upset with their choices.

    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Super June 2016
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    Accept that less people will come to your DW. Have the wedding you want and don't allow yourselves to be guilted into having a wedding you won't be happy with.

    • Reply
  • Lorith
    Master May 2016
    Lorith ·
    • Flag

    It's not rude. It's your day. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Soon2BRuffo
    Super October 2017
    Soon2BRuffo ·
    • Flag

    As far as destination weddings are concerned I feel like with friends and families sometimes there is a lot of issues. One of my FH guy friends is getting married in Jamaica on 4th of July this year and only one of the group of 5 guys (who grew up together) is going. The trip is seriously expensive for guests. FH and I are not attending because of moving in together, planning a wedding, and trying to start our lives together financially stable. I feel really bad for his friend but unfortunately you have to expect that some people will not be able to afford it. The decision is yours of whether or not the people who can't attend matter more than a destination wedding.

    • Reply
  • Nancy Taussig
    October 2020
    Nancy Taussig ·
    • Flag

    As 2dbride said, most couples get legally married in the US first.

    Why not go to Mexico on your honeymoon instead?

    • Reply
  • AshD
    VIP June 2017
    AshD ·
    • Flag

    I had issues with this when I was first starting to plan my DW. I wondered who would come, affordability etc. My mom said that people who want to go will make a way, and FH and I wanted to keep ti small and intimate anyway. The cost of a wedding in NYC is huge so a DW works perfectly for us.

    • Reply
  • MrsMelissaP
    VIP January 2017
    MrsMelissaP ·
    • Flag

    We are having a destination wedding for this reason. We invited 80, expect maybe 40 will show. A lot of my family can't go and some of my best friends can't go. There are no hard feelings but this is what WE want and I'm not here to make everything else happy. Those who want to go will go. You do what you want to do!!

    • Reply
  • Brewedwithlove2016
    Expert August 2016
    Brewedwithlove2016 ·
    • Flag

    It's not rude but many people may not be able to come. You have to prioritize. Is going to Mexico your dream? Or would you rather all of your family and friends be able to come? How big do you want your wedding to be? Either choice is fine, you will just get a very different outcome. You have to decide whats most important to you. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • MrsPlasters
    Super September 2015
    MrsPlasters ·
    • Flag

    I second Celia. Also, I think you need to consider who you really want to have at your wedding and realize that if you have a DW then they may not be able to attend because of finances, time off, ability to travel (passports are required so another expense and time thing).

    • Reply

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