Is a cash bar okay for my circumstances?

View Quoted Comment Same. I’ve only been to one out of a bunch.
i bring money if I wanna drink, I would never expect the bride to pay to alcohol but it’s a good perk. Plus I am less likely to drink knowing the bride and groom is paying so I wouldn’t enjoy as much as if I was buying myself, I would prob only get one drink Vs 3-4 throughout the night

View Quoted Comment Wait so she thinks cash bars are a hoax or an open bar?

Ive harassed literally no one.

View Quoted Comment She doesn’t think cash bars are against etiquette, I have only been to one wddding that as open (besides my future wedding) and None of my family has had an open bar. It’s just not part of the lifestyle or culture : If I wasn’t on WW I prob wouldn’t ether because I didn’t even know it was a thing.

I told my mom we were doing an open bar and she was like “what’s that ? That’s a hoax “

View Quoted Comment I'd be like, "Mom, it's awesome. You'll love it!"
Idk I always thought that hoaxes were like a practical joke but I guess she has a different definition. Hopefully she likes it!

No, there is nothing "special" in your circumstances that exempts you from proper hosting. Have a consumption bar, where you only pay for the drinks that are ordered. Don't have drink tickets. Cut your guest list if you can't afford to host them at even the bare minimum of beer and wine. Most of us are paying for the wedding ourselves.

Side: how would a rehearsal dinner be an added cost for your guests? That would be hosted by you as well, if you had one.

Cut the harpist and ice cream truck. In all seriousness I've read that excuse so many countless times on these forums "Young, paying for the wedding ourselves" ya think? Majority of people pay for the wedding themselves, pay for everything they have themselves-it's called being an adult.

I’m not sure which of your circumstances you’re thinking make a difference here— there’s nothing extenuating here, you just don’t want to pay for it because you don’t drink , so no, that doesn’t excuse poor hosting

To be honest - dry wedding suck. I do not enjoy them as much and I leave a lot sooner. Cut the extras and at least have some cheaper alcoholic drink options available for your guests.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah, she wasn't meaning "joke". hoax is normally used in a negative note.

the only worry I have is that people wont drink to their wishes, I know if I knew that the bride and groom were paying I may not even buy a drink the only wedding I went to that was open bar I brought my money, the bartender told me it was "on the house" and they said I couldn't pay for it. I savored that one drink all night because I didn't want them to have to pay for my alcohol lol.

View Quoted Comment How would you know if it was a set amount per person though or consumption bar? Most weddings in my area are like $50 per person for the whole night so the price the bride & groom are paying isn't affected at all by how much people drink. I wouldn't know if it was a consumption bar unless I asked, which I wouldn't.

View Quoted Comment A consumption bar is when they pay per drink. An open bar is the same price regardless of how many drinks are served. I'd hope people would understand the difference 😔

I would say cut the harpist. I don't know how much you're paying them, but it's not really necessary. I wouldn't cut the ice cream truck though because I'm obsessed with ice cream and would be happier to see that than alcohol 😂 That being said, cut the harpist and have a consumption bar. Or just offer beer and wine. Beer and wine can't be too pricey, especially if you cut the harpist. That should save you some money.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for raising my point, I wouldn’t ask the bride either!

View Quoted Comment Yeah but how many people would ask the bride on her wedding ?

I have been to weddings with cash bars and I have not enjoyed myself. I personally feel alcohol should be paid for. Good example, you don't like sweets so you make your guests pay for cake if they want it. If you don't eat meat, you wouldn't make your guests pay for a meat dinner. Know your crowd and go with a small list of alcoholic options. I think beer and wine would be acceptable.

I have literally never been to a wedding without an open bar. I wouldn't even know what to do if there wasn't one LOL at least in my area, this is what people expect.


As as others have said, consumption bar all the way. Easy peasy.

View Quoted Comment I'm just saying a flat rate is pretty much a given in my area so I would assume that that's what is going on and drink however much I felt like drinking. I wouldn't not have a 2nd or 3rd drink because there is a 10% chance I am saving them $15. I would also assume that they budgeted for normal consumption of drinks and they would want me to enjoy myself rather than worry about it. I feel like the money I am spending on booze at my wedding is money well spent and I hope people enjoy it! If it is going to put them in financial hardship then they shouldn't really be hosting it in the first place.
ETA I think your intentions are good but most people plan for these costs so I wouldn't be so timid about it!

My opinion is obviously completely different than everyone else's. I've been to two different weddings that were cash bar. I don't see an issue with it. Alcohol is freaking expensive. I can't drink alcohol, so I'm always shocked at what a drink comes out to. Do what's important to you and your FH. Maybe a possible option is a bottle of wine on the table for dinner?

I don't understand what your "circumstances" are that would make you an exception for requiring your guests to help fund your wedding. Also, the bridal shower, engagement party and rehearsal dinner are events hosted by other people (bridal shower and engagement party) or you (rehearsal dinner) so those are not added expenses to your guests anyway with the exception of them bringing you a gift. Just do a consumption bar and keep other expenses low like forgoing a harpist. As a guest, I would be a bit miffed if you had an expensive wedding dress and accessories, the harpist and ice cream truck, but made me pay for my own drinks.