Is 3 times a charm?

If you get married?

Yes

I commented before your edit.

Why are you scared? It's normal to be nervous or excited but fear, to me, is something different.

This new guy is dam near every woman's dream. He said he wants to marry me and that I'm a great woman. My last husband was abusive and I stayed with him for 15 years. Now that I've gotten into a relationship with my dream man, I'm thinking if I was with someone for 15 years and I thought he was the one, how do I know this one won't turn out the same? I love him and I'm in love with him, he wants to marry me but I have reservations for fear of wasting another 15 years and ending up with another deceitful person. Even tho he hasn't shown any signs of abusiveness. We've been together a year.

Talk to a couselor if you arent sure

That's true. I will try that. I guess the fact of being married for 15 years and now I've found myself in a relationship I had gotten settle in my ways and the first thing new guy does I don't agree with I go running. I guess I have to realize he's been single for a long time and he's settle in his ways also. I could either compromise or get out of the relationship, but he's such a great catch can't imagine him with anyone else!!

It sounds like it's doubt from your past experiences that's causing you to question your current relationship. It's natural to have a hard time trusting after being in an abusive relationship, but you have to learn to treat your new partner as an individual if you want to have a chance at happiness. That may mean getting some counseling to work through those issues and be able to trust your choices when it comes to a partner.

Both my grandma and my aunt have been married three times. The first marriage was young and short lived (both husbands were abusive.) Second marriages were much longer, but just not with the right people. But both their third marriages were the charm. Grandma was married to my grandpa for many years till he passed away, and my aunt and uncle just celebrated 34 years together.

Thank you all for your advice and input. I guess I was also worried about what people would think, but I guess as long as he's happy with me then it shouldn't matter what other people think. We all have a past and I guess we can let it make or break us. Stay tuned for wedding invites because I think it's going to happen with prayer and counseling!

I wasn't in your exact situation. I was married once before but had a long term relationship that I could have envisioned ending in marriage but it didn't. When I met DH, I was weary and kept my heart guarded, I didn't want to fall in love just to be hurt again. DH and I even discussed the issue of knowing that we (both) were gun shy and that we should go slow in the relationship. That allowed me to trust that he would be careful with my heart. I decided that I could open myself up to love again and it has been amazing. He is my perfect fit and I can't imagine life without him. Don't worry about what other people will think, if you love him, he loves you and you both want to spend your lives together, then that is what you should do.

I'm not getting married anytime soon. He lives in his own place and I live in mine. I spend a significant amount of time at his place tho. He's buying a house and asked me to move in. I don't think I'm gonna move in but I will continue to spend nights with him as he does me, but he also wants to get married.

As a second timer, it is so scary. Nothing is as sucky as divorce, and for me nothing has ever felt as terrible. Youve been there and seen what a bad relationship can dissolve into, and youve seen it all fall apart. Im darn terrified myself... not of whats happening right now, but what will happen in 10 years... where will we be, will it all work or will I feel that same heartbreak again. No one truly understands it until they have been through it. Ive had to keep telling myself that this is NOT the same person and that in order to have a life partner I need to be open to love again and letting it happen. Its also a reason for the two year engagement on top of the dating time. I need to know for sure still and see him even after the honeymoon phase is over. Just know that you are normal. I wish you luck....

This will be my third marriage as well. My first, we were very young (17). We lasted 8 years...but we were so young and he became abusive over time. My second marriage only lasted 9 months, but we had been together more than 10 years. Sooo many issues and sooo much control. My FH and I have known each other many years but have only been together for 5 1/2. It was very difficult and scary to allow myself to love at this level again, but I had to have a lot of faith and trust in him and the relationship. Counselling definitely helped me wrap my head around things. Best of luck to you and I do agree with the PP who says that third time is a charm!

I can see myself married to him and then I can see myself just in a long term relationship with him! I often ask him where the heck has he been all my life? I just don't know if it would be fair to him if I married him knowing I have reservations. I often find myself looking for things he might say or do that makes me think nope not getting married!! But I know no one is perfect I'm certainly not! I hate comparing and looking for him to do or say something I don't like just so I can say I don't want to get married. I kind of like our relationship the way it is, but I'm gonna let the chips fall where they may. Besides like j said Amy other woman would deem him perfect! He's independent, he cooks, he cleans, he doesn't disrespect me like my ex did, he tells me and shows me he loves me every day and then if I don't cook the grits the way he does it's a problem! Little things like that makes me glad I do have my own place and he has his so when we are in disagreement( we don't argue) I can go to my own house!!

Marsha, you said youve only been together a year. A counselor will tell you that the first 18-24 months you are both still on your best behavior, and after that the real comes out. If you are having this many reservations why not push that wedding date out further. Also go talk to a counselor. And just FYI, if someone got on me for cooking grits differently than them that would annoy me too so you arent out of line.

I just might try living with him like he asked and I'm gonna keep my house on ice! Because if it doesn't work out I could always come back home!!

I totally get your fears especially coming after an abusive relationship. One thing that has helped me is finding an abuse support group. I would check with a domestic violence shelter or organization to see what is available in your area. It has been a great help for me in addition to counselling.

Third time is a charm.- that's what I am believing. This will be FH's third wedding and my first. I've been experiencing all sorts of emotions as well. That's why we will be doing premarital counseling. Ask yourself this question "Why do I want to marry FH" and really think about your answer.

Ive asked myself that question and I've gotten the answer. He's my dream guy. I know that there are no perfect relationships or marriages. Bring married 15 years in an abusive marriage at that all the arguments the fighting, I guess I don't want to fuss,argue or have disagreements about anything I mean after going through that for 15 years I want peace. I just hope the only way to get that peace is not to be alone. Marriage can be wonderful if it's to the right person. Everything my ex wasn't my new guy is. Any woman would meet him in a heartbeat, but I guess my reservation comes in from my past! I'm gonna have to pray hard, because he wants to get married by next year!

I'm a bit curious why he has been single for so long, but is in a rush to get married now.