Inviting some nieces and not others. What do you think?

View Quoted Comment When 1 or 2 of my kids have been in a wedding party, and not the other 3 or 4 not in the wedding party stay home, which has totalled 6 times so far, I don't have a problem with it. Neither do the kids. However, long term, when ,1 or 2 get something special, I do plan something special for the ones left out. Not at the same time. But each gets special time. Two of our children are adopted, siblings whose parents died. One side, their original mother's family comes far, rarely , in 2-3 visitors at a time. And last week was one. And My husband and I took the other kids, 2 on a drive to family with miniature horses being born that weekend. And our middle daughter wanted to go back to see an amateur college musical, again. They all got something special. My parents, hubby's, and the paternal grandparents, all treat our kids interhangeably. But often take any 1 or 2. And we do something with the others. All children need to feel special. But not, all exactly the same things need be provided. Our two brothers in law upset we were not inviting kids, objected loudly. Till hubby said, you you took A and B, and you took C, to a Celtics Knicks game. How come you didn't take all 9 of your kids. And both at once shouted, Do you know what those tickets cost? And pizza out? We spent $550 for the two of us and ,3 kids. plus parking $30! Right. Why pay $110 apiece for the now under age 11 kids, just take the teens, to a basketball game. At a wedding, even though kids cost less for food, a soda still costs money. Every child would have cost us $110. Then, they got it. We paid $3000 for some kids. For $18,000 more, we could have invited everybody's kids.
I understand not inviting 5 kids.

View Quoted Comment And these were all your siblings weddings or other family and friends?

View Quoted Comment The weddings the kids have been in? Two of husband's brothers, one of my sister's, and 3 are my first cousins, who come from 2 of my Dad's brothers, and one of mom's. Grew up on the same street as I did. Live within 2 miles now, rural area. Weddings happen in small families and large ones. Not surprisingly, we take different views on what every child is entitled to do. They all get a lot. But not all the exact same thing, at the same time. It cracks me up when WW posters say things like, it is mean not to ask your sister's and first cousins to be bridesmaids, or in your wedding somehow. Yeah, my 4 sisters, and the 35 girl first cousins within 5 years of my age, all in my school district? Nobody need feel sorry for my kids. They get more than most, in family love and attention.

No, they aren't thinking of the children, nor should they be. This is their wedding. Sounds ike they want an adults-only wedding, which is perfectly within their rights, and not offensive at all. You make it sound like the couple is purposely excluding the 5 other kids out of spite or meanness. I doubt that is the case. Many couples nowadays want a child-free wedding, for lots of different reasons. One reason I've read often is that they want their friends and family to get a night out without the kids! Parenting is hard, and it's nice to get a break once in a while. Also, just because your children have a close and loving relationship with their uncle and his fiance, does not require them to invite children to their wedding. It doesn't mean they love them any less, or want to hurt them. It simply means they want their wedding to be an adult evening. You should read the hundreds of other posts on this topic, and you'll see what I mean. Couples usually really agonize over this decision, too, because they don't want to hurt their family members. But sometimes their vision for their wedding is different than what you think it should be. How about you try looking at things from their perspective, instead of being so offended? Or maybe, if you want to pay for their wedding, then you can dictate whether or not all children should be invited.

It’s difficult to say... unfortunately not everyone wants children at their reception. I feel like adult only wedding are becoming common these days with the exception being the flowers girls and ring boys. I think some people think “what’s the big deal, just get a babysitter” and think nothing of it which leaves parents to decide if they can separate from their children for one day or x amount of hours.

It is nice to split up siblings? No but it’s not the end of the world, in my opinion. The children selected to take part in the wedding are invited for that purpose. If the couple chose not to have ring bears and flower girls then they’d probably not invite any kids and that would be their decision to make as well. . You may not like their decision but you have to respect it or don’t go, like you said. Although I doubt that will do any good in future for your relationship with them.

Ego? Good grief.

I doubt very much that the bride asked for the two girls to be in the party and also said "by the way, your other kids aren't invited."

Participants are generally asked long before invitations go out, or details like "no kids" are announced.

And a two year old flower girl? I get that a lot of people have them that young, but at that age, she's a prop for certain.

You're entitled to your opinion, but if you're going to adamantly argue with anyone who disagrees with you, why did you bother to post a question on an Internet forum? Surely you expected differing answers?


I think it is bad form to break up a sibling set. General etiquette dictates that you should invite in circles (all first cousins or none, all nephews/nieces or none, etc). It's ALSO considered acceptable to have a kid free wedding except for the kids in the wedding party, or only kids of immediate family, etc. Some conflicting etiquette rules, I know. Regardless of what is considered polite or proper, I do think it is presumptious to expect that one, or one's children, are entitled to an invite to an expensive party.
I doubt the couple chose to exclude the 5 children out of malice. It was most likely a budgetary issue and they chose to draw the line at the wedding party.
I'm not going to tell you whether you're right or wrong to feel snubbed. But is it productive to hold onto so much anger? The more you make a big deal out of this, the more your kids will pick up on this. The more this matters to you, the more it will matter to your children, the very people you are so protective of. Vent if you need to, this is a safe space for all things wedding related, but you don't have much control over this.
If you feel that the couple's decisions should have consequences, then fine. Don't go to the wedding. Don't give them a gift. Are you going to go further? Are you going to turn your children against their aunt, either on purpose or inadvertently?
You may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. As a kid, I never expected to get invited to weddings, was never interested in them, and that was that. But if I had overheard my beloved father raging about how I had not been invited, this wasn't fair, you bet I would have started to feel hurt and rejected.
As children grow up, they need to learn how to respond to disappointment accordingly, rather than with the seething rage that seems to build with each of your posts.
"When they go low, we go high," is what I try to live by. High as in high road, not emotions.

Pam, NONE of OP's kids were invited. If the sister who had some kids invited and some not wanted to complain, we could deal with that. One thing THAT sister may be thinking about is that she may not want her younger kid's opportunities limited because of having older siblings.

You are obviously going to do what you want. I agree if you are just going to be miserable if you go, you should stay home, but then accept that the relationship will cool.

Are there children on the bride's side? It may not be just 5 kids, but more kids that they think would have to be invited. The bride and groom may also be closer to some of their friends' kids than family kids, and the number may expand even more.

Its the bride and grooms day. Alot of people have kids free weddings now a days and although some people have issue with it, it is in fact what the couples wants or can afford, but will still have a flower girl and thats the only child attending.
I get you are upset or are thinking that your children will be upset. Did you contact the bride and groom and ask them why your kids werent invited? At the end of the day there isnt much you can do. You can attend without your kids or decline and stay home.
I personally dont find anything rude about it

Not to be rude but im also confused why you joined a wedding forum to come and ask a question just so you can feel justified that your opinion is correct. Why join a forum to ask a single question about a wedding you were invited to? Contact the bride and groom personally and directly and tell them your upset or concerns. Dont go on a forum and ask a question and then get offended when people give their opinion and it does not fit with your agenda

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Do you feel as if your opinion is correct and mine isn't? You are assuming I am getting offended through text? No where have I stated that I am offended, you just seem to be reading and interpreting what I write with that assumption. I am having a back and forth with people, which is what adults do. You right now are assuming that I am wrong in my opinion which would make your opinion correct when in truth neither one of us is right or wrong. I feel completely justified with how I feel and while some people may disagree with my "opinion" that is not going to sway my thoughts one way or the other. Thanks for your input though. Just food for thought though, you really shouldn't make assumptions when reading things like message board posts and texts and emails. It's could cause you unnecessary drama in your life.

Their ya go, assuming things once again. By saying something could cause "unnecessary drama for someone" you took that as a threat? WOW right back at ya. Amazing how someone can so easily prove someone else's point simply with their response. Maybe now you won't make assumptions when reading what someone wrote and interpreting it how you want to take it.

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