Inviting some coworkers but not all?

What I did and it probably won't help you at all :/ was I gave out invitations to the people that I knew for sure I would like there and then stuck one up in the common area and I am just hoping the others don't want to come because I'm not close to them .. but I also work in an office of about 20 girls . The way I figure it is if they don't RSVP before the deadline then they didn't feel like we were close enough to come ... but then I didn't feel rude that I didn't invite them !

Well, I was really torn for a while.

I don't like my direct line boss, but I'm really close with one female coworker, and decently close with some of the guys on my squad. But I decided on ONLY inviting that one female coworker and her husband. Mainly because if I extended more than that, I would have to cherry pick and my boss would probably be pissed. It was easier to say only one friend then to pick and choose.

Conversely, a girl I know got married last weekend. She cherry picked 3/4 of her squad to invite. The rest of the people who weren't invited (it was a Friday, so they were all at work) had a "reject" lunch party since nobody else was in the office.

She cherry picked kind of randomly and there were some hurt feelings. She didn't invite a girl she's actually friends with bc she doesn't get along with girl's husband (who also works with us). It was really sad seeing how many people were annoyed/felt left out about it. It definitely validated my decision to not invite all my coworkers.

Anyone who is new that you don't invite will either understand or they won't. That is a maturity thing. I would not expect that if I worked with you, but obviously did not have a long standing relationship with you that I would automatically be expected to be invited.

That being said, in being transparent, we invited everyone that worked with us (about 24 or so) but we also didn't have a budget issue with it, and the space. And that does make a difference.

I teach on a team of 7 other ladies. I only invited one of them to my wedding because we talk every day and are close outside of work too. The other ladies know they aren't invited and aren't offended. They still threw me a little bridal shower at work and ask about the wedding all the time. Adults can be both genuinely excited about an event and understand they aren't invited. I don't think it's rude.

Now if you invited all your co-workers except one or two, that would be rude.

edit: words are hard

I definitely wouldn't put an invite up in the common area. Who knows who will show up it their plus ones. They also probably won't RSVP as you might hope.

Its okay to only invite those you are close to, I'm only inviting a select few from my office but FH is inviting everyone from his office.

Go ahead and send them invites. However do not give them out at work, get their addresses and send them through the mail that way everyone in the office doesn't expect one or get their feelings hurt.

I would also keep wedding talk to a minimum as the work group grows. That way Emily the new girl doesn't get hurt if she feels you two have grown super close and you've talked alot about the wedding with her and she doesn't get an invite.

Also please don't go leaving an extra one for anyone in the break room. You should invite only those who you want and know. The last thing you want is getting Gary the cleaner rsvping to your wedding. Or one person grabbing it and they all want to come, that is inconsiderate.

On my production line I only work with one other person, but our department as a whole is very large. I am inviting a few people and my manager but I try not to discuss specific wedding details at work.

When people ask I just answer the question and move on. I'll probably give the co-workers I'm inviting their invitations a little later and explain to them that I'm not inviting everyone so that they don't go around showing other people or talking openly about it.

It's fine, in fact it's a good idea , to limit invitations to only those co- workers with whom you have e social relationship outside work.

I invited half of my office. We don't talk about it at work and I only invited the ones I hang out with outside of work.

I invited the people that I do things with out of the office.

I invited 5 out of 28. Only people I hangout with outside of work. We don't talk about the wedding at work, and all understand why I didn't/couldn't invite the whole office. They have been very respectful of my privacy.

I did this and it's been so horrible. Please don't.

@Brea - what's happened?

If I see them outside of work and am friends with them, I will invite them.

I'm about to break the news this week to two coworkers I'm closest with that they will not be invited. They've assumed all along they would be, but I've never given any indication that they would be. But when it comes down to refining the guest list, I asked myself if I'd be sad they missed it or would they add any value to the day. Sadly, one is a negative Nancy and I can't say yes to either of those questions, so they're cut. It was an all or nothing situation for me. One of my BMs works with us now too, but we've been great friends for a decade. It's a tough situation but you have to decide.

I only invited two coworkers (of which are no longer working at my place of employment, coincidentally)... I would love to invite a few others who I am fairly close with but just decided not to invite any at all.

My job is in a state of total clusterfuck right now, so I have no clue what I'll end up doing. Assuming things don't change much from now, I have 2 coworkers I'd like to invite. I originally intended to invite the doctor I work for, as we used to be very close, but the office has been such a stressful and unhappy place to work lately, I don't know if I will.

A month or so ago, one of my coworkers asked out of the clear blue - with literally the whole staff sitting right there - if I was inviting the whole office to the wedding. Awkward silence followed for a few seconds until another woman said " omg you can't put someone on the spot like that!" Ugh.

With the group being that small (even though it is growing) I would probably just invite them all. They all work together so someone will always have something to talk about and they would be in a "circle" of invitees. I would not really want to be the person that invites 3 but not all 6 or whatever. I have the same issue with my team. There are about 9 total, but if I invited one (not including my boss) I would not feel right without inviting the rest. If I were having a local wedding FH and I agreed that is how we would handle it. Since its DW, no one is coming, just family and like 5 friends.

I'm not inviting any of my co-workers. I'm not close enough with any of them (I've only been there about a year and a half, and I work mostly from home), and we're getting married out of state, so I doubt any of them would come.

But my first job out of college, one of my co-workers got married and only invited certain people from the office. Understandable. It was a big office, and she couldn't invite everyone. The problem was that she had these really elaborately packaged invitations and had someone come by the office and hand deliver them to the co-workers she was inviting. It was incredibly blatant, rude, and narcissistic.

All of your advice is incredibly helpful. I'm definitely sending right to their house and letting them know I'm not inviting the whole team so to please keep it quiet since I don't want to offend the new people. I just can't afford to invite everyone.

Thank you!!