Inviting People You Know Won't Come

I was actually wondering this myself, but not once did I ever think it would be thought of as being gift-grabby if I did invite them. But maybe that depends on the situation and the person. Inviting my neighbor would seem grabby, but I have this cousin. She and I were BFFs growing up, but since late high school/early college we've grown apart (so for about 15+ more years, we never talked other than social media and going to family bridal/baby showers etc.). She and her family just moved from NJ to Montana last year and have a very sick preemie baby in a children's hospital in CO. There is no way they're going to travel back to NJ in the next year for my wedding. BUT, I'm inviting her parents and her sister and brother-in-law. She's probably not even expecting an invitation, but not inviting her still seems rude to me.

It's not gift grabby if you want them there, even if you know they most likely can't come. It's only gift grabby if you don't want them there, but are inviting them only in hopes they won't come but will send a gift.

I don't find it gift-grabby because the invitation recipient is not obligated to send a gift. We knew ahead of time that a few couldn't make it but we still sent the invitation.

I am so over the "gift grabby" phrase ... honestly ... nobody profits from a wedding anymore! Unless couples have their parents paying for their wedding, then maybe.

I was in a similar situation when I sent out my invites. Unfortunately, my uncle's wife (he is also my Godfather) and I had a ridiculously stupid falling out 2 years ago - a falling out of which I don't feel the same way over it, because it is just silly. This woman never got along with anyone in the family, so I really try hard not to take it too personally. Well, because of this, I had a strong inclination to believe they would decline. I was at least hoping my uncle (father's brother)/Godfather would make it. So, to be fair, I invited both anyway, despite her having a problem with me. If I could have been a fly on the wall when they received that invitation!!! I could almost guarantee that aunt probably said the same thing ... that I just invited them for a gift. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves, and we are having open bar and a really great (and expensive) menu ... clearly, we aren't looking to profit off THEIR gifts. There's no way in hell we will make up in gifts for what we are spending on our wedding. People who say couples are being "gift grabby" soooo annoy me. That's just not the case these days with the costs of weddings. If people want to think that way, then maybe they should decline anyway. But, I would definitely invite them (even if you know there is a good chance of them declining). I know for myself, I felt like I walked away the better person. I have no problems with them, they (or the aunt) has the problem. And they are going to miss out on a really great meal ... I will not miss their gift.

I disagree with the money/gift grabbing idea. There are certain people (like your great aunt) you invite out of common courtesy even if you know they wont come.

No one is obligated to send you a gift, whether they come or not. When I cannot attend a wedding, I usually don't send a gift (unless it's someone very special and its extreme circumstances that I can't attend in person). I just don't have the time and money to attend every wedding we're invited to or send a gift, but I try to RSVP as a decline ASAP so they can make the proper arrangements. I don't think people feel obligated to send gifts; unless maybe it's a parent's friends kinda deal if your parents spent a lot on their children over the years - then send a damn gift cause fair is fair Lol

We sent an invite to most long distance family members knowing 98% of them wouldn't make it. It's the thought that counts and we got a lot of declines with "thank you for thinking of us" under the declined box. We even got a couple of surprise accepts but in the end, the flooding kept them from coming. It would make them feel included and I don't think they would consider that gift grabby.