Inviting people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding

You can invite your OOT guests, and they can decline. Otherwise, don't invite people who're not invited to the wedding. Showers are optional anyway, and the point is not to "fill the seats".

You take the pretty empty shower. How would you feel if you were local and was asked to an event that basically revolves around gift giving, but weren't invited to the actual wedding even though you lived really close to it? Also, think ahead. Inviting those not invited to the wedding could cause a lot of them to expect an invite, and explaining that they aren't invited to the wedding will be even trickier down the road. Are you going to tell them ahead of time that they aren't actually going to be able to be at the wedding? What if someone says something along the lines at the shower of, "It's a great shower! I can't wait for the wedding!"? Are you going to tell them that they aren't going to the wedding, and would you expect them to feel hurt?

If they are not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the shower. Even though you know the reality of the situation-that you are having a small wedding, it can make people feel slighted, like, "you're good enough to give me a present, but not to come to my wedding."

Have a pretty empty shower. Invite ONLY those invited to the wedding, sometimes OTT guests will send a gift as my FMIL and FSIL have done for my shower. I am not allowed to open till that day. But showers suck and its unfair to invite people to the sucky present grab and then not to the wedding.

ALL of my family, and FH's family is out of town, for my first wedding my aunt hosted a shower in my hometown (and it was great) for this wedding (20+ yrs later) there was no shower, theres no one here and we kept our wedding all family except for about 5 friends, so no shower Im fine with that, I have what I need at this point in my life (but I do understand your wanting a shower). I will tell you that my personal experience with being invited to a shower and NOT the wedding really has left a lasting insult, I dont think the same way about that couple as I did before, just saying. I really wouldnt do it, better to have a very small shower than insult people (even if its an unitentional insult)

It is inappropriate to invite people to a wedding/bridal shower and not invite them to the wedding.

Def don't invite to a shower but not wedding.That is just in poor taste and will hurt a lot of feelings.

That's horrible to invite people to a bridal shower and not the wedding, I mean seriously would you go to a shower that they didn't invite you to the wedding? Just keep it small with people that are going to the wedding. Even if it's just 5 people.

I'm actually on the opposite end here as my mom threw my bridal shower for me and invited women who were not invited to the wedding primarily b/c the budget (and my DH) didn't allow for a large wedding inviting all we wanted. The ladies who came knew I wanted them there with or without gifts as I just wanted to celebrate with those I knew and cared about...Some got me gifts and some didn't ... but it was not required. I think people understand how budgets now a days are tight and why not EVERYONE is invited to the wedding. In our eyes it was just another reason to celebrate love. But again...I'm the odd one out here b/c I know a lot of people consider that a no no.

PS...I've gone to my fair number of bridal showers where we weren't invited to the wedding and I was completely okay with that

My FH and I are living in CA, our wedding is in NC, and most of our family are ALL in other states. We are sorta in the same boat you are in, we arent having many friends at the wedding because our families are so large. FH's aunt came up with a wonderful idea, to host a "Shower by Mail". She got invitations printed, sent them all to his side of the family, emailed my mom, got addresses for my extended family members, and for the past week and a half, I have been SHOWERED with cards and gifts in the mail. It has been wonderful, and its a really nice alternative to just not having a shower, or having one, so close to the wedding, with very few people in attendance.

At my first shower i had 4 guests- includeing FMIL, FSIL, and friend of FMIL's and one of my friends.

At my second shower I had 5 guests- 2 of 4 BM's, 2 of my sisters long time friends (invited to the wedding because though I'm not good friends with them, i grew up with them like extra big sisters) and one other friend.

So I feel your pain about a very small shower. But thats just the way it is. Even my own mom couldn't come to either shower because she lives out of state.

What Mrs. S said.

FTR I had a number of OOT guests who were invited to the shower as a formality of sorts since they're family, and some of them actually did travel for it. Pleasant surprise.

I think if you want to celebrate with women who aren't invited to the wedding, that's great, but keep it to a girls' night. Not a gift giving function like a shower. It's just in bad taste IMO. Unless it's a workplace shower thrown by coworkers, that's really the only exception.

If they are not invited to the wedding....then NO, they should not be invited to the shower.

I agree with the big no no. I think it would be disrespectful. If it was one or two people, maybe. But then why wouldnt they go to the wedding. It is very subjective.

No, you don't invite them. The only exception is if your work buddies throw you a shower, knowing that they won't be at the wedding.

Have you considered not having a formal shower? Try something less traditional and invite all of your local guests, telling them up front to NOT bring a gift, and explaining that you want to celebrate with them even though you are keeping your wedding small and intimate. Maybe even have it after the wedding, so there's no expectation of a wedding invite. A friend of mine did this because so few of us could make it to her destination wedding. It was just a simple BBQ at their home but it gave everyone a chance to congratulate them and feel included.

NWR- Love your library photo shoot! Are one of you librarians? Can't believe I didn't think of that!

I am like Cyd- I think it CAN be ok.

I'm not throwing the shower, our wedding is out of town and the only people who are invited are my BP, their sig others, our parents and our grand parents. It's really a small wedding. My mom is "in charge" of the shower guest list and she is insistant that we invite much of our extended family- she's very close w/them though I'm not as much. My family is HUGE- my stepdad (alone) comes from a family of 6. There are literally hundreds of people in my family. I have said over and over again that I think it might be a bad idea b/c I don't want it to cause hurt feelings or anamosity throughout our family, especially toward me, my FH or my mom. She keeps insisting that- every1 understands, it's an OOT wedding and it's super small. So- she's going to invite my closest aunts and cousins who are not invited to the wedding. She's going to include a little excerpt in their invitations saying something like b/c the wedding is small (cont'd)

I have to agree with most of the ladies, no wedding invite no shower invite. However, if you think you guests are true friends and completely understand your budget concerns, then maybe? Sticky situation

And b/c we are unable financially able to invite every1 we would like to to the wedding that we are inviting them to the shower simply to celebrate and visit- that their precense is their present, no gifts necessary, just come- hang out, eat some good food and have fun. Plus my shower is also a pool party- so I feel like it's not so "gift" centric- I just want every1 to have fun and honestly want to visit w/these ppl. So- hopefully, it'll be ok. All my BM's think it sound totally fine, so does my mom and FH- so since I'm not the 1 sending out the invites- I have to just be ok w/it.