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Desiree
Just Said Yes July 2022

Inviting non married significant others

Desiree, on September 29, 2020 at 6:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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I’m in a dilemma. I have 3 sisters which live with a domestic partner but not married. I want My wedding to be only 20 people. With that being said how do I effectively tell my sisters that there only invited without hurting their feelings that there partners aren’t invited. 20 people is all I can afford and I want those 20 people to be our friends and immediate family only.
Asking for a friend


24 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on October 19, 2020 at 7:58 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    There’s no way to ask someone to celebrate your relationship while simultaneously disrespecting theirs without hurting their feelings.
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  • Marabeth
    Devoted September 2021
    Marabeth ·
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    What Caytlyn said. They aren’t just a plus one, they’re the sisters’ life partners. It’s like not inviting a spouse. I wouldn’t attend it my spouse wasn’t also invited.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with previous posters. In your situation, with your strict guest limit, I would stick to just family (and partners of siblings count as family in this case). Celebrate with your friends afterwards.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    I’m with all the previous posters on this. These are your sisters not some random co-workers. They are entitled to a plus 1
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    Everyone else has said it. These are important relationships that you need to respect. They need to be included. Couples go together always.
    • Reply
  • Sharonda
    Rockstar January 2021
    Sharonda ·
    • Flag

    Based on what the previous posters have said, can you review your budget to figure out a way to include your sisters' partners? For example, it may mean getting a smaller bouquet, choosing a less expensive meal choice, or getting a smaller cake, etc. Is that an option?

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I agree with the previous posters. There really isn't a nice way to tell your sisters that you won't invite their significant others, but you expect them to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    I'm really happy the forums stood up for domestic partners. I hated people disrespecting my relationship for 10 years, and I hope to never forget that feeling. Let them all celebrate with you!
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I think your sisters domestic partners should be invited as they are their significant other. I wouldn’t go to a wedding if my fiancé wasn’t invited because we aren’t married (we’ve been together almost ten years!)
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    There is no way to do that which is not incredibly rude. Do things that cost less per person. Better to serve ice cream cones instead of a meal, if the only way to afford the meal is to exclude 1/2 a couple. Spend more, or cut back on the site, or the food, or your dress, or photographs.
    • Reply
  • Y
    Dedicated January 2021
    Yvonne ·
    • Flag

    I actually had a similar dilemma, since I wasn't invited to my FH's best man's wedding that happened a couple weeks ago (and neither were the bride/groom's siblings' SO's) , and wasn't sure to invite his new wife to my wedding. However, after talking about it with people, it is best to still extend the invitation and people can still say no. You can try to talk to your sisters about it, and you know probably better than we do of how they'll respond.

    I'm inviting my brother's girlfriend to my wedding, and they also just moved in together after being long distance for over a year. From what I heard, she's excited to be part of a family event and was the first to buy her dress, even before my bridesmaids did haha.

    Budget-wise there are a lot of easy ways to cut some things, although not sure for your situation, but I would probably choose things ppl are more likely to forget about, like favors.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    Hi so I one hundred percent disagree, with Covid and how weddings are these days a lot of people can only do 20 or 15 people actually at the wedding. If you said that that’s all you could afford that’s all you can afford. I think it’s rude for other people to sit there and ask you to sacrifice what you want on your day the one time you get married for someone else to come. It’s not about them it’s about you. My cousin is having a mainly zoom wedding. Only 15 people can attend the actual wedding. He invited his sister but her live in boyfriend isn’t physically attending. His other sister has a husband and two kids but they aren’t physically attending. Everyone understands that there’s limited space and they are not offended. Maybe you could put it on zoom for the people that can’t make it to watch.
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    There's no polite, non-rude way to invite your friends over your sisters' SOs. In a situation like this, even though they aren't married, they really are immediate family.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna Online ·
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    The OP’s wedding is in July 2022 though. So I don’t think this is due to covid.
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  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    That doesn’t matter. She said that’s what she can afford. So people SHOULD be understanding of that. COVID should have the taught us to be understanding of couples situations. All these wedding rules or whatever you want to call it are not important. What’s important is that she is marrying the person she wants to build her future with.
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    Common decency is absolutely important. And respecting other people’s relationship while asking them to celebrate yours is absolutely important.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
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    This. There is never an excuse for being rude to others. In a pandemic, being courteous seems like it should be more important. These guests in question who are told to stay home are family, which likely means closest friends didn't make the cut. If it's due to budget, there are many things that can be tossed out or done less expensively to allow important people who will a part of your life forever to attend.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    It’s not indecent to tell people this is all I can do. It’s not disrespecting anyone’s relationship to say hey this is all that I can have this is all that I can do. The problem is we live in a society where people put so much pressure on the wedding day and what you’re supposed to do, if you don’t know your sisters s/o that well. And it’s between them and friends you have had all you life and have shaped who you are as a person. Talk to your sisters respectfully about it. Because you want to look around and see all the people that are important to you on your day. You don’t want to wish so-and-so was there and they’re not. No matter what anyone says if you do it kindly and respectfully it’s not rude to say what you can and can’t do.
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  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    No. If she can afford 20 people, then she makes her guest list with people's SOs in mind and invites both halves of a couple, or neither. Budget is never an acceptable excuse to be rude.

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  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Once again it’s not being rude, what is being rude is being judgmental over a person you don’t even know. Going on and on about some wedding etiquette rule that DOESNT matter. There are cultures all over the world were the people that attend are only the family or like family. If that’s what she wants she can have the option and talk with her sisters about it. It’s her choice and she has every right to explore that option. Like I said again it her wedding that she has to remember it forever.
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