Inviting moms boyfriend?

View Quoted Comment Agreed with this ^

on a side note, I was all for not inviting the boyfriend until I reread the post and saw that they’ve been separated for 3 years which (imo, at least) is a good amount of time. If you don’t like him (which doesn’t seem like the case), talk to your mom about it. If you do like him and do want to invite him, then talk to your dad about it.

The boyfriend needs to be invited if they are still dating at the time the invitations go out. Whether or not your dad and the boyfriend meet prior to any wedding events is really between your parents. From your post and following comments, it doesn't sound like the boyfriend was a part of the situation until after your parents divorced. Everyone needs to put aside their issues for a couple of days and be there for you. I also agree with the PP that said if you want them to be able to attend future kids' baby showers, birthday parties, performances, and things like that, then set the tone and expectations now. My parents have been divorced the majority of my life. My mom remarried a couple of times, and my dad and stepmom recently celebrated 28 years of marriage. I'm still nervous about all of them being together for my wedding. It shouldn't be that way, but I've always had separate parties and caused myself way more stress trying to keep everyone apart. Don't do that to yourself.

View Quoted Comment This is a valid point. Having young children of course he needs to meet this man. However once again this is not your responsibility and is not necessarily a meeting that should be tied to your wedding. Both of your parents are adults if that meeting needs to happen then it should happen because it needs to happen and it should happ this is a valid point. Having young children of course he needs to meet this man. However once again this is not your responsibility and is not necessarily a meeting that should be tied to your wedding. Both of your parents are adults if that meeting needs to happen then it should happen because it needs to happen and it should be set up by your parents.
My parents have been divorced for 20 years. My dad cheated on my mom. He is now married to wife number three who is not the woman he cheated on my mom with. My mom hates them both with a very unhealthy passion. I had very blunt conversations with her that they would be in the same room, that she needed to find a way to be able to cope with that. That I would do nothing to make her uncomfortable intentionally. But that I was also not responsible for her well-being during that time.
My parents have been divorced for 20 years. My dad cheated on my mom. He is now married to wife number three who is not the woman he cheated on my mom with. My mom hates them both with a very unhealthy passion. I had very blunt conversations with her that they would be in the same room, that she needed to find a way to be able to cope with that. That I would do nothing to make her uncomfortable intentionally. But that I was also not responsible for her well-being during that time.
It did not go perfectly smooth, I had to have a lot more conversations with my mom both supportive and setting boundaries. Remember where your role lies and where their role as co-parents lies.
I am sorry you’re in this position. It does stink.

I think it depends on how you feel about the new boyfriend. If he is nice, cordial, cares about your mom, and can be respectful of your father, I would say invite him and give your dad a plus one.

Full disclosure, I actually did not invite my mom's (now ex) boyfriend to my wedding because I despise him. He is a horrible person, and quite frankly it didn't matter to me that they were a social unit. I was not going to be angry and miserable on my wedding day because of some scumbag my mom was dating. Thankfully, my mom didn't have a problem with it. However, if the boyfriend had been a decent human I would have probably invited him.

A couple is a social unit; both members are invited, by name.

Hard pass given the circumstances, imo. I would have a conversation with your mom as well and explain your decision if you decide not to invite him. I know it’s been three years, but what your mother did was wrong and chances are she’s going to be at an event with your father AND his side of the family (who probably don’t think too highly of your mother already). It just takes one person, who may have had one too many drinks, for things to spiral out of control. That’s not something you should have to worry about on your wedding day. Seeing your mother moving on with someone new while your father is still coping with what was done to him is going to rattle emotions in someone, maybe not with your father necessarily.

I agree with what someone else said about your mother being grateful to even be invited because I feel like you may need to shield her anyways. But, this is a “know your crowd” kind of thing. If you think everyone will behave, sure. If there’s any doubt, wouldn’t risk it.

I would invite him, but give your dad a heads up about the situation so he isn't blind-sided. If he gets upset, let him know that it has to happen sometime so that they can be civil for future family events. Also let him know you'll seat them separately and they don't have to engage, just be civil. I would also express to your mom that you're uncomfortable but that you're going to invite him and you expect her to just give your dad space and not make him feel worse than he already does.

View Quoted Comment Yes exactly, and you did nothing wrong by not inviting him!

All these posts about how a couple is a “social unit” and therefore both must be invited ignore the reality that sometimes having certain people at a wedding will cause undue stress for the bride or groom. Yes, ideally everyone will act like adults but what if they don’t? What if there is a scene at her wedding that could have easily been avoided by actually thinking about the specific situation and not just blinding following etiquette “rules”? If OP is going to be worrying about how her dad feels the whole time during her wedding or if her dad is a really emotional person (maybe even depressed?) and there’s a chance he could have a meltdown, then she absolutely does not “need” to invite her mom’s boyfriend because they are a “social unit.” They have been together for six months and apparently her mom isn’t faithful, so they could very well breakup before OP ever has kids, so other people’s comments about how it will help with future situations don’t make much sense to me. I mean come on here, her mom CHEATED on her dad, isn’t that like the greatest breach on etiquette and just plain common decency? Why does OP have to bend over backward to make her mom happy when her mom did something so terrible her dad (and OP and her whole family, cheating affects everyone)? And yes it was a while ago, but this is something that affects people for years, maybe even their whole life. So I still strongly believe that OP should do what she feels most comfortable with and not feel the least bit guilty about whatever decision she makes.

I am old fashioned. I do not believe a married person can have a significant other, other than the spouse. I believe in marriage. As to why the separation has lasted three years, there could be a number of reasons (of which OP may or may not be aware of). Is one person refusing to sign papers? Refusing a reasonable settlement? Unless OP is absolutely certain her DAD is the one holding this up, I would be very careful about inviting mom's BF. If I did not know, I would go with no dates.

Here is the thing to me. With anyone OTHER than parents, you can say, well if they don't like it, they can stay home. IMHO, not reasonable to expect a parent to stay home.