Inviting guests to ceremony but not dinner?

Let them complain, or don’t invite them to the wedding. But it’s rude to invite them to the ceremony but not the lunch reception after with all your other guests.

It’s very rude to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception.

I would invite them to all or not at all. If you’re close with the guests I’d let them know in advance that you’re not planning to include alcohol that way they can make their own decisions in advance.

I think it would be better to not invite someone to a ceremony if you were having a small intimate ceremony and then invite them to the reception. However your wedding is your wedding and you don't have to do your wedding and anyway to appease others. I say invite them but make it very clear in the invitation that no alcohol will be served and it's just going to be a luncheon in a local restaurant. At that point if they decided they don't like it then you can tell them that you'd love to have them there but you would completely understand if they choose to decline and coming. I would just invite them as normal but State your intentions for the reception and I'm on the side of you don't have to buy alcohol for anyone and especially if you know that they're going to act a fool then I definitely would not provide any alcohol because I know I would be livid if someone acted a hot mess on my wedding day.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I think inviting them to all or none is better.

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you think either way there's going to be some sort of commotion/drama, I would invite them to both or don't invite them at all. If anyone has something to say about your plans, oooh well! It's not their wedding. If they feel as though they would've done things differently, they CAN! When they have a wedding.

All or nothing
You could request RSVPs so that you dont pay for unused seats?

I think it would be very rude not to invite them to the lunch reception. If people are invited to the wedding, they need to be invited to the reception. Invite them, but don't give details like no dancing or alcohol is buy your own. They can figure it out when they get there. They are less likely to pressure you the day of to make changes.

I agree with everyone else that you have to invite your guests to the whole event (ceremony AND reception) or not invite them at all.

I don't understand this as a reason to just invite them to the ceremony: "If I don't invite them period, it will start a cycle of never getting invited to stuff." First, they will almost definitely be hurt rather than appeased by this choice, so this is no solution at all. And second, they sound like unpleasant people so does it really matter if you mutually stop inviting each other to events?

In my personal opinion, if you invite them to ceremony, you should invite them to the reception as well. I don't think it's right for them to go to the ceremony but then be excluded from the reception. On your initiations, or on a separate card that you're including in your invitations, I'd say let them know there will be a lunch afterward with no dancing and no alcohol, unless the alcohol is purchased by them. Letting them know up front will keep from guests being surprised or complaining at your wedding/reception.

I wouldn't do the idea of selective invitations because they are trying to celebrate with you. I would try not to tell people your plans but you can't please everyone. Just serve certain kinds of alcohol. We are doing beer and wine only.

View Quoted Comment I'm on a budget.

If you don't want dancing and alcohol, that's fine--it's your wedding. Some guests may not like it, but they'll deal with it. At the end of the day, they're there to celebrate you. But you CANNOT exclude certain people from the reception--this is very rude!

What everyone keeps telling me is to think of the little thank you favor and food as Thanks for coming & Thanks for whatever gift you might have brought. Sounds similar to my family, If it were me I would send the invites but I'd also spread the word is a small gathering to celebrate the love not so much as a partay . Hope that helps.

View Quoted Comment

Yup I agree with the both of you

What I have decided to do is simply not invite some of those family members at all. I would rather not deal with the fighting because they will ruin MY day. It will save me the embarrassment.

Yes I agree if you invite them to ceremony they should be invited to the dinner as well. you don't have to do dancing and alcohol. I am not doing that at my wedding and I could care less if people are upset since I am paying and it's our party we are planning after all. I would hope they would be on their best behavior.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with this.

As most have said its generally considered rude to invite people to part of an event but not the other, but I also think there are unique circumstances that may justify doing things differently than standard etiquette dictates. In this case, I think those family members are likely to cause a stink whether you don't invite them to anything at all or if they are invited to a part of the event but not the rest. If you can make your intentions VERY clear and include them, I think that would be best. If not, its probably better not to invite them at all and deal with the drama outside of the wedding itself. If they are at the wedding there is no way you'll be able to keep the luncheon after a secret, and they're apt to make a scene if they aren't included.