Inviting Groomsmen's Plus One

For your wedding date, you don't need to send invites until early September, so that still gives you some time to meet her. However, if they're still together then, I would let him bring her even if you don't get the chance to meet. I had a couple friends whose SO we never met before, but we still invited them because it's the right thing to do.

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As of the invite - we were asked to send it out early by our vendor, and various guests have been asking us to send it out early. I can probably send it in August if needed, but not later than that.

I guess the part I cannot get over is - it's a fairly small wedding, and both my FH and I have to tell some of our family they are not invited because they were not in contact with us for the past couple of years. The rule of thumb on inviting we used was if the person did not meet the SO (we were together for 5 years) the family member will not be invited. It seems unfair for those family members the girlfriend is invited.

Honestly, I think I am just a bit salty. I know what's the logical/right thing to do, but I don't want to do it

I guess for me, I wouldn’t care. I have two people that are bringing their plus ones that we’ve never met and I’m okay with that. I never understand the reasoning behind knowing the person someone bring. However, I can see it’s a big thing for you - I’d make another attempt at trying to meet her but like Jasmine said you have time before sending out the invitations and if y’all still haven’t met her you can kinda go from there. I hope it all works out.

I would invite her. We hadn't met every SO of our guests because for some of our friends that just wouldn't have been logistically possible. While I understand your argument that you're excluding family based on them not knowing both of you, I think this is a bit different. I also think since you already invited her via the save the date, not inviting her now may result in hurt feelings and the groomsman backing out of the wedding.


All that being said, it's not necessary for you to invite her to get ready with you if you don't know her.

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I think I will reach out to him one more time to meet her - but that's the last time, since it's getting to sound like I am begging him.

Having to know someone prior to inviting them is pretty big for my FH and I. It's not really about meeting them, but more of having someone we don't know anything about at the wedding. She is a stranger to us, and we would rather give the spot to my FH's greatuncle/aunts

From what most of the replies suggested, I think it would make sense to invite her for our friendship with the groomsman, just probably not going to have her get ready with the rest of us.

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I don't think I would be this salty if he lives far away.... we drive pass where he lives twice a week. My emotional side tells me that just let the groomsman back out of the wedding, I can care less, since he has been a jerk to me for the past few months on various topics (i.e. he was salty I didn't know she just graduated the past month, I am sorry, I wouldn't know if he doesn't tell us )

I feel bad that she would be alone with no friends to hangout with while the groom is getting ready. I have nothing against her I am just annoyed with the groomsman.

I think I would end up inviting her, and hope her boyfriend is not clueless that she is there without friends and would probably need to spend some extra time with her to make sure she doesn't feel lonely.

View Quoted Comment That makes a lot of sense. I’d definitely not let her get ready with you all though. That would be weird - but I guess that’s why it’s important to meet her. I hope the conversation goes well with him and he really does let you all meet her. Maybe she’s not really a real person lol

I'd suggest reaching out one last time, but with a time, date, and activity in mind (ex. "Do you two want to get dinner with us at X place on Y date at Z time?"). Sometimes people shrug off vague plans or just agree to them without really thinking anything of it or putting anything concrete in motion, and then it falls off the radar. That way they can't claim you're "never free," and it instead becomes a matter of finding a date and time that works. I do agree with others that you should invite her to the wedding regardless of whether you meet her beforehand since you already sent a save the date with her name on it, but it's not necessary to invite her to get ready with you if you don't know her.

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Been there done that. His response on if he wants to hangout (with or without her) is generally "I am busy" or "I don't know".

But yes, I will ask one last time in a couple of weeks. My hope was to know her enough to become friends prior to the wedding, since everyone in the bridal party and their SO are my close friends; however that hope is out the window now

So many great comments here - you should definitely try one more time with a clear suggestion of how/when you could meet so that there can be no confusing it from the guy's side.

I think if you're giving everyone in a relationship a plus one you have to include him and his girlfriend in it - after all it isn't for anybody but them to judge whether their relationship is 'strong enough' to validate it with an invite.

My fiance and I discussed this too about one of his best friend's brand new girlfriends...everybody else has been dating for years and it seems unfair to leave this one dude's girlfriend out just because they're a relatively new couple.

It definitely sucks that they aren't making it easy for you to meet her and it would make sense if you didn't feel comfortable with her being with you whilst you get ready with your girls!

With regards to having to say no to some family I totally feel you on this one - we have also had to cut out family we aren't close to/haven't seen in years (this even includes my dad!) in order to make room for the people who play an active role in our lives... so I totally get how it can make you feel bitter to give away a precious spot to somebody you've never even met.

I would try and consider inviting her as you doing something for your fiance - its about supporting his friendship with one of his good friends rather than doing it just for this guy to bring his new bird along. Hopefully thinking of it this way will make it feel a little less frustrating!

Since she is A. His significant other (not a “plus one”, and B. You addressed the save the date to her as well, YES she should be invited. Not inviting her at this point would be incredibly rude and completely against proper wedding etiquette.
I completely get where you are coming from with the getting ready scenario and not feeling comfortable having a stranger there for that moment. Maybe express to your friend that you would love to include her with the rest of the significant others, but you don’t feel comfortable doing that if you don’t have the opportunity to get to know her prior. Then leave the ball in his court.

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A - I had to look up the difference between SO and plus one, you are right she is a SO. Learned something today

B - we are fully aware it's rude. The same logic applies though. We clearly communicated that we will not invite strangers (someone we have not met) months ago. The groomsman is fully aware, therefore we do feel he is being rude in this case. I wouldn't feel bad to be uninviting her (although from the few comments above we will be inviting her regardless).

View Quoted Comment I learned the difference between a plus one and SO on this forum as well! LOL these forms can definitely be so educational, which is why I love them! As frustrating as it is, I think you are making the right choice by inviting her. Five years from now, I guarantee you won’t think back to your wedding and wish you hadn’t invited her. Hopefully your friend will come through with a hang out before the wedding. But, even if he doesn’t, it sounds as though this girl will be around for a long time, so I’m sure you will form a friendship with her in the years to come, and will be glad you included her. Now that you’ve made the decision, I would stop giving the situation anymore of your time or headspace. It’s not even worth the stress. Just focus on the fun parts of your wedding planning 🙂

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Yeah, I agree, it's good to come here for a sanity check to make sure I am not being unreasonable. In this case, I was being a little unreasonable

Sadly it is not that easy for me to say everyone is bringing in their SO, so can he. All the other SO are also my friends. We are a fairly tight group of close friends. I will have no problem they are at my wedding when their counterparts are not.

If the groomsman said it is a serious relationship, I totally believe him. I don't care if they were dating one day or one month, the girl is welcome - as long as we get to know her first.

The groomsman is actually a closer friend to me than my FH, he and I were roommates in college. So this is why I am more ticked off at him than I should for a groomsman :/

It's okay though, we will invite her, but as mentioned in the other post, she might just be on her own for a few hours like a normal guest would when her boyfriend gets ready, and I will have the other girls get ready with me, since I don't feel comfortable getting ready with a stranger.

It could be your friend is considering ending his relationship and doesn't want to introduce her to friends. I would ask one more time, then leave them to privacy. Ps. not everyone wants to get ready in a room full of women. Too many ppl would give me anxiety, even if I wasn't getting married that day. Good luck.

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Exactly this.

She's his SO. You can't expect him to celebrate your relationship when you didn't invite his SO. That would be a relationship ruining decision, I would think.

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Agree on the getting ready in a room full of women, that's why we are just going to invite her to the wedding but not getting ready.

The replies mentioned all of us (expect her) are a group of good friends, that's why we want to meet her before the day, so she can hangout with us and not be bored while her bf is busy. It's a bit late at this point, so we are just going to leave her to be. My only concern is she would feel really bored without a friend (or anyone she know) with her for hours. But this is not my problem. I tried :/

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I hope that's the case. In a few years from now, I am sure she is going to hear about how frustrating her bf was

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After all the discussions above, she will be invited. So no worries there.

The part I got hung up on was we told him (and made it really clear) we won't invite her if he doesn't let us meet her. He said it won't be a problem, but now it is. I have social anxiety, so I am slightly afraid of strangers. I'd rather not feel that way on the wedding day, but seems like I would have to make it work. Hopefully, I will be too busy to feel that way on the wedding day.

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I understand your feelings totally.

I think you will be too busy to notice, honestly! Of course, you don't have to do anything but host her at the wedding and rehearsal dinner (if you're having one). She doesn't need to get ready with you etc...