Inviting grandparents to the rehearsal dinner?

Also, does the bride normally get a say in where the rehearsal dinner is? Or is it totally normal for the mother in law to plan everything? My fiance is a navy salior so I'm doing everything by myself for the most part and she is a very diffcult woman.

We got to pick where we wanted rehearsal dinner and yes we invited the grandparents, even some aunt and uncles!

I have 47 people coming to the rehearsal dinner so I hear ya. You don't technically have to invite anyone that is not involved with the wedding itself, but it's a nice gesture to invite the others.

We invited 3 family members who weren't part of the wedding party, but are still important people. The others were all wedding party. We had 20 people total. We paid so we didn't have to worry about other people's opinions.

Your FMIL doesn't sound like a very gracious host. Yes, it's up to her to plan it, but she should ask you for a guest list and keep her trap shut.

If you want to avoid the drama and not invite the grandparents, then don't. It's not required that they be there.

I am inviting my grandparents. I am the first granddaughter to get married , and it feels wrong not to

I probably will but I only have one living grandparent. There's also going to be no more than 20 people there.

I think it would be exceptionally rude not to invite them. Chip in some money and be glad you have grandparents coming-- DH's grandparents had all passed, and one of my living grandparents I'm not in touch with and the other just wouldn't come (issues with my dad, his son. I was hoping he'd set it aside for a day, but I guess not....).

It would be very rude to exclude grandparents! If FMIL keeps making noises about expense, suggest a more casual event or offer to chip in.

Thank you all and I believe me I want my grandparents there (as much of a pain they can be I love them) but I'm pretty penniless so I do have to rely on my to be mil's generosity. I've been texting but she isn't responding. Her and her son have a very strained relationship and because he is 10 hours away on a navy base I'm the person who has to delegate. The last conversation we had ended in her telling me she is going to pick the place so....but thanks for the advice. I only had 3 months to plan a wedding and I'm only 22 so any advice is

Appreciated

I told my MIL and FH that they can plan the entire thing. we are inviting the bridal party, parents, grandparents,and any out of town guests.

most of my family is OOT but not all will be there for the dinner.

i was firm that i wanted OOT guests to be there. flying from maimi to philly is a long trip! they deserve some family and dinner time!

my future in laws were not about that. but FH stood up for me.

I would say yes to invite them. For me to invite oot guests I may as well just have 2 receptions lol.

Maybe talk with fmil and see what her budget is and work from there. Maybe plan something a little more low key then originally thought.

I am not planning to invite grandparents. Just immediate family & bridal party and we will most likely do pizza or lasagna, something easy.

If you are doing immediate family that includes grandparents. So maybe let her know in a nice way that they need to be invited and she does not have to do a fancy dinner just a simple pizza night or something along those lines.

To answer your actual question, Do you have to invite your grandparents? My answer is NO. Of course, some will disagree but there seems to be additional concerns to consider...

1-They don't get along well. Not inviting, will avoid any possible drama. (you're not excluding them from the wedding & its reasonable from a financial point if anyone says anything to respond. "We agreed we would limit it to (36?) people"

2-Your in-laws I'm sure have a budget. So I dont see any reason to butt heads. Graciously allow your MIL the pleasure of selecting the venue. Let her know you're appreciative, you will not be extending invites to your grandparents & that you look forward to hearing back from her on where she selected. Compliment her choice with something nice about the location or a menu item. What she decides might just be all they can afford. Truthfully, unless she is selecting a diner or venue that is very limited like sushi, ask yourself this. Does it really matter where you all eat? As long as it doesn't upstage your wedding venue honestly its not worth all your thought & worry.

3-Please, don't be offended but like you said you are only 22 & relaying on your in-laws generosity. If she already has a strand relationship with her son I wouldn't give her any opportunity to turn this into an issue with him or you. No one wants to start off their wedding with family or in-law conflicts & you'll be the bigger person.

Additionally, it's a nice gesture to include "out of towner's" for the rehearsal dinner but it is "NOT a must do". If these guests are friends/family on the grooms side your MIL may just want them there. Otherwise, if they are your family/friends I would just excluded them along with your grandparents. Give your MIL a list of everyone in the wedding party along with their #'s so she can extended the invites herself.

Besides, your wedding is the next day. You've worked hard, planning, etc so focus on the moments of that day... You walking down the aisle towards the man you love. The way he cant take his eyes off you. Your 1st dance & sharing your wedding cake. Those are the moments you will cherish the rest of your life.

Overall, the rehearsal dinner is really irrelevant & more of a formality. So, let your MIL be the big cheese.

You can do something special for your grandparents at the wedding reception. Like, placing a special photo of you with them on top of their place setting with a note... "I'm so very blessed & thankful that you are here today for me on the most special day of my life." I would think that would be so much more meaningful than attending the rehearsal dinner anyway.

Good luck & wishing you many years of happiness.