Inviting Cousin gf

I would invite her for a couple of reasons:

1. They have been dating a long time. If my family / friends were dating someone I did include that person on the invite.

2. They are traveling far (assuming from out of state). I did include plus 1s (and girlfriends/boyfriends) for people traveling a distance, staying in hotels, etc.

I get your point though of having to meet someone at your wedding for the first time. I did have a little of that (with cousin significant others) and it really wasn't a big deal. I figure if they stay together, it will be nice that both have the history of attending my wedding. Prior to the wedding the invitee list seems SO IMPORTANT (it did to me - I agonized over so many aspects of it) but afterward it really doesn't and you're just grateful for the people that were there.

I personally would invite her. We have plenty of SOs coming to our wedding that we've never met. I would be pretty resentful if I wasn't invited along with mine after dating long term.

Any adult with a SO should be invited with them.

Since they are dating, she should have been invited anyway, so yes you should let her come. I’m not sure why you had to state they were in college, since that shouldn’t matter. As long as they are 18, a significant other should always be invited. I started dating FH when I was 17 and a junior in high school- our relationship wasn’t less serious just because I was in college for most of it.

Personally I would invite the girlfriend. Just because I know what that feels like. When my cousin got married, I was just about to move in with my now FH but he hadn’t met that side of my family yet and they didn’t know much about our relationship. When my aunt found out we were serious, been together over a year plus about to live together, he was included on my invite.
On the other hand, i think it is rude for anyone to ask the bride and groom to invite someone not originally included on the invite. Last year my FILs made a huge deal about inviting FSILs boyfriend of like 2 years to FH cousin’s wedding. Cousin said nope, can’t accomodate it we already have too many people. But it was a hugeeee deal to my FMIL who cannot let anything go. Their reasoning for asking them to invite the boyfriend? Because he was going to jail for his second DUI in less than a year and they wanted to “be able to spend time together” before he got locked up. Aaaaand then they broke up like 6 months later because he was cheating on her. Wedding drama is a GD rollercoaster, guys lol.

My FH and I added a friends girlfriend to our guest list right before we sent out the invites, because he politely asked and we honestly had no idea he was seriously dating anyone because we hardly see him. Not a big deal to us. But then my FMIL TOLD ME to add my other FSILs “boyfriend” to our guest list. And I said ehhhh nope. Because the day before that when I had seen them she didn’t have a boyfriend 😑 So while I do think that long term partners should always be invited to weddings, there are certain scenarios where that etiquette can be ignored. And to that I say, do whatever you feel is best for you.

View Quoted Comment

@Queenbee - you are a badass , thanks for your comment

Also, can somebody make a "social unit" meme?

Flip this around:
Your cousin and his girlfriend are getting married. You love your cousin. The bride has never met you, so she's wondering whether she should invite you and your husband because well. Shes never met you.
What do you do?

View Quoted Comment

She'll decide whatever she wants and I'll go and have an ass-shaking good time.

View Quoted Comment Her point is maybe you won’t be invited since his FW hasn’t met you.

View Quoted Comment

You are absolutely right, my reading skills have been addled by this wedding.

I don't really understand that question then, since I'm inviting all of my cousins. In that hypothetical, I'm a cousin so I guess I don't really know what to answer. Oh well.

I think you just have to understand, and be ok with, the possibility that your cousin will feel hurt and alienated by your decision to exclude his long term partner and that because of this, your relationship with him could be altered.

She should be allowed to come. I honestly don't think it should matter if you've met her or not, she's not some random person, she's someone special to your cousin. Weddings are romantic events, no one wants to attend one without their serious significant other.

I am going to go as the UA and say no. A college age student who still lives at home doesn't get to bring a girlfriend to a family wedding automatically. In my family that is absolute - I didn't get to bring my college boyfriend to family weddings and that is just how it is. My two college age cousins are not getting to bring dates, regardless of their relationship status and no one will be surprised.

Your wedding = your rules.

Are you allowing everyone to bring +1’s?

Can you afford to do that?

Personally we said no +1’s.

View Quoted Comment

A better example would be if that cousin gets married to this girlfriend but doesn't invite your husband to their wedding because his fiancee has never met your husband. How would you feel if you were invited to something but your fiance wasn't? Would you be hurt if your fiance wasn't invited to something with you if the host hadn't met him?

I would invite the gf. He's an adult with a long term girlfriend and she should have been invited in the first place, honestly, whether or not you've met her.

View Quoted Comment This isn’t a plus one though, it’s a significant other.

OP you said you wanted to know if they’d be pissed if you say no - they most likely will be. It’s really rude and goes against basic etiquette to not invite significant others. As PP said, you don’t break up social units.

Def not if you didn’t send them an invite it should be clear. No question.

I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of times FH and I have been invited without the other (including while living together and engaged)! We never go and we don’t send a gift. My close cousin invited only me (27 at the time) and not my fiancé because they hadn’t met him, my family was upset, I was upset. I didn’t attend and neither did my mom. My dad went by himself. Nobody said anything to the couple and we were secretly pissed like you’re concerned about.

I definitely think it’s bad form not to invite an adult’s SO.

And not inviting SOs does permanent damage to relationships. Not every relationship, maybe, but lots of them. And you will never hear about it, though you may feel a slight chill in the air.

You are asking a wedding guest to honor and celebrate your relationship; if you don't invite the guest's SO, what are you saying about the guest's relationship? That is doesn't exist or doesn't count....