inviting coordinator?

I've never heard of this. I didn't know it was a thing to invite anyone other than guests... I would think the coordinator's invitation is the money I'm paying for him/her to coordinate, but then again I'm no etiquette queen. I'm interested to see other answers to this.

TBH, I don't know my officiant and I'm paying him freakin' $350 even though he is affiliated with my church so I wasn't really planning on inviting him to the reception? Just the rehersal..hm. As for the coordinator, she's literally involved in the entire night up until the end so I'm not worried about her feeling left out.

Just curious - why does her contract end so early? I would imagine a DOC would stay through till the end but maybe that's just me? Though if she really is done at 4:30, I would think you could personally invite her to stay and that would be enough. I didn't even consider inviting mine to the rehearsal but I guess maybe I should? omg I don't know! At the wedding I was at a month ago, they were not invited to either.

Thanks for the input! Her contract ends at 4:30 because I don't think I'll need her to do anything after then. Doing a lot myself to save money. I mostly just want her to make sure all the vendors get there and set up on time since that needs to happen while the ceremony is going on, so that's not something I can do myself. The cake cutting is scheduled for 4:30, I want her to make sure that happens on time. After that, don't need her to do anything. We're not having a traditional reception. Just hors d'oeuvres, cake, beer, and wine, so that's why it ends at 6:30.

I figured it was non-traditional since it was ending so early

There's really no "normal" when it comes to planning so it's really whatever you feel comfortable with. If I were doing that, I would just tell her she is more than welcome to stay and have some fun and food! I'm sure she will appreciate the sweet gesture but I don't think you need to stress about sending her a formal invitation to the reception. Either way, if you send her a formal to the reception, send her one to the rehearsal..and vice versa. Don't send one without the other.

Thank you Laura, for that lovely sentiment about your officiant. With that level of respect I'm sure he wouldn't stay anyway.

To the original question, I would. Traditional etiquette will dictate inviting the officiant ( I am invited to virtually every wedding I officiate, and while I never stay past the first part of cocktail hour, for many reasons...) Modern etiquette? Harder to figure, but I'll bet she appreciates the gesture and I bet she won't stay long either.

I always appreciate getting a formal invite, because in many cases it's another window into my couples' personality and in all cases, it insures that I have the same information as the guests. In my state there are many towns that have basically the same name, and in one area, at least five venues with variations on the same name. It's really easy to say "Mohawk House" and mean "Mohawk Lake Club". (God forbid your really mean "Mohonk House....thats about two hours away, lol)

So do it. And kudos for knowing you need one and finding a person who's so flexible.

I am sending officiant an invite, I know from other brides he likes to bring his wife and party. Considering he is only charging us $150 and he is a local mayor, I will be happy to feed them.

@Celia We aren't having our wedding at the church but our officiant is our pastor. We respect him, of course, even the person in charge of wedding scheduling there agreed that the fee is high - especially since we are not getting married AT church (which also means we are required to pay his travel fee even though it is in town) It isn't that I don't respect him by any means...but I'm paying a lot of money for it and there is a donation and tip required suggested of it. I didn't mean to be rude but we don't know him personally and so I had no intentions of inviting him to the reception. It's just our preference.

edited for typos.

I would! A lot of coordinators, do things throughout the evening, making sure timing is done for speeches/toasts/cake cutting/dances, etc, so they would be at the reception anyways and yes you would feed them!

I would most definitely invite them to the rehearsal because that's also part of their job is knowing what is going on and preparing you to get ready to walk down the aisle and cue other members. The few DOCs I had talked to said that even their basic day of package still included the rehearsal, so since they are already there you might as well invite them to dinner!

I'd start adding up the hours he's spent on you, for you, with you.

I don't mean to make you an example or hijack the thread, but officiants get real sick of hearing this....although a suggesting tip is beyond gross. The fastest way to get me NOT to tip is to tell me it's 'suggested'. The fun of tipping is that it's discretionary.

One of the reasons I never stay for the actual dinner is that I don't want my couples to pay for me; if they don't invite me to the reception, the venue coordinators always do.

And many of my DOC's run the rehearsals, which I think is brilliant; they're the ones who will be sending the group down the aisle, organizing them, etc.

It may be a locality or family thing with some people. We don't have a DOC, but both of our families generally go by the rule that if they're involved in putting the wedding together and making it happen, they get an invite.

@Celia our DOC is running the rehearsal..I can't imagine it being any other way since they literally run it the next day anyway - We'll likely have our pastor go over his part and walk us through that, obviously...but we haven't met him yet and we're less than 60 days out. Our premarital course was a group thing that was done by a mentor couple...not him. We've only talked with our church coordinator who told us he will contact us a few weeks out. So he hasn't actually spent any hours on us (yet). I was a little shocked that the church coordinator "strongly suggested" a tip...we've been going to this church for years but I've never dealt with this part of it and it's a little strange.

Trust me - I don't mind being made an example of. It happens.

eta: the only reason I had the tone in my first post is because of all of the above. I think my situation is abnormal.

You shouldn't invite anyone to your rehearsal dinner or reception unless they are actually a guest. So if you know your officiant (have a personal relationship with them) and want them and their spouse to be a guest at your wedding, sure you can send them an invite- but it doesn't sound like that's the case. You wouldn't send one to your DOC because they are working, they are not a guest.

We aren't inviting our officiant to our rehearsal dinner, because our officiant is a hired vendor, not someone we have a personal relationship with.

Did you verify with your vendors if they are also contracted to do the rehearsal? The reason I ask is because mine are not and they will not attend my rehearsal without a fee. Now, if they were going to the rehearsal (or if I had opted to pay for them to come) I would have also invited them to dinner. As for the reception, the only vendor that I didn't account for with the caterer was the officiant. This is only because he made it clear that he is there for just the ceremony and then leaves right after that. I didn't actually think to send them formal invitations, but that's not a bad idea! So personally, I would invite them. Whether or not they will go is another story, but in the end, you are doing the right thing. Just my opinion!

I may be coming from a different place, but I like to keep the lines between guests and vendors very defined. I have seen the officiant sitting as a guest at weddings, but that's about it. The rest of the vendors are there to perform a service and when they're done, they leave.

As far as inviting the coordinator, I think an informal, verbal invitation would suffice. After all, a formal invitation means that you'd like her to be your guest at the wedding, and she's not a guest -- she's there to do a job. It's fine to ask her if she'd like to stay for the last two hours, but don't be hurt if she says no. She may just be ready to go home when her work day is officially over.

Thanks everyone! Yes, they will both be at the rehearsal, but I would think I would need to send them an invitation in order for them to stay for the dinner part. I was planning on sending an invite to the officiant for both the wedding reception and the rehearsal dinner for sure, but just wasn't sure about the coordinator.

I've never gotten an actual invitation for weddings I worked on. Usually there is a vendor meal that we eat in the kitchen or a side room, and it's in the contract that they feed us, but we're not guests. The officiant would be different, but DOC shouldn't need an invite. If she is welcome to stay, verbally let her know that she is welcome to join the party.