Inviting a friend but not her boyfriend?

I understand that your friend wants to keep her guest list small and intimate. But she is showing very poor etiquette by not inviting your boyfriend too. Even if she didn't know him, it would be proper etiquette to invite him as your significant other, just the same as if you were married. What she has done instead is say to you, "I only want you there" and has completely disregarded your relationship. I would decline the invitation, since she's already made it clear that your bf isn't invited. Her comment about plus ones is misplaced, as in this situation, your man is not a plus one, but part of a unit.

View Quoted Comment

Exactly this. I would decline.

I mean I can understand if she doesn't have the space, she doesn't have the space but you guys have been together for a long time and you both should be invited to the wedding, you are a couple and should be invited as a couple. If she didn't have the space for him she should have waited to invite you both until she had space, after receiving declines. My guess is that you are invited and as people decline they will be giving out plus ones to those who didn't and she is seeing him as a plus one and not your other half.

I agree with Jessica. If I were you, I would just RSVP no and let it go. She may have not had bad intentions when she invited only you, but I wouldn't want to go to a wedding with my FH.

Boyfriends are not plus ones. They should always be invited with the guest. Especially 9 year boyfriends that the bride has met. She's being rude and tacky and I'd decline.

It may be just that- they had to make cuts to the guest list to stay under budget. Once she starts receiving RSVP declines, she may be filling in the guest list with promised plus ones. While it may be a little rude, it's ultimately their decision.

Worse case scenario, you go to the wedding without your boyfriend and celebrate your friend's wedding.

If it were me, I wouldn't go to the wedding. And I would be upset if my FH got invited to a wedding and went without me. I would just send the RSVP back with "regretfully declines" checked off.

I wouldn't go. That is extremely rude and poor etiquette, especially considering how long you have been with your boyfriend.

I would also decline. She knows him and you’ve been together 9 years, it’s very rude for her not to invite the both of you.

Your friend is 100% in the wrong to exclude your long-term boyfriend from her guest list. I would decline

I would 100% decline. How can you honor her relationship when she doesn't respect yours? Hard pass.

I wouldn't attend a wedding if my fiance wasn't invited, even when he was my boyfriend. Especially a 9 year relationship. I'd just let her know you won't be able to attend unless your boyfriend is invited, so to base your RSVP off that.

She definitely should have invited your boyfriend. But to put yourself in her shoes, you said you only talk a couple times a year but I’m sure she felt like she wanted to invite you since you were good childhood friends, she probably felt like it was more polite to invite just you rather than inviting neither of you. Honestly, before I was on here I was unaware it was impolite to not give someone a plus one if they weren’t married and it’s really hard to put together a guest list when your on a tight budget.

Yes, I agree with everyone else. Significant others are not plus ones. Couples are a social unit. A plus one is given to someone who is not in a relationship.

I totally get why you're upset. I wouldn't be happy if my fiance was invited to a wedding, but I was not. However, as a bride I understand that tough decisions do have to be made. Playing devil's advocate here maybe when they were making the list they decided that those who are either married or engaged could bring their significant others and unfortunately even though you have been together for 9 years your relationship does not fall into either category. As people start to RSVP then she might extend an invitation to your boyfriend. If you don't feel comfortable going without him then I would be honest with your friend and tell her that because your boyfriend is unable to attend that you really aren't comfortable being there alone therefore you will not be able to attend.

I would decline, I think it is rude to invite someone without their SO, regardless of how small the wedding is.

Depends on a few things, I think it's a little rude she didn't invite him, very rude in a normal circumstance, but looking at everything you said it's definitely not a normal circumstance. What does "Small wedding" mean? Is it 50-60ish people? Does she have an amount she can't go over for the venue? If so, it's really hard to do plus ones. You said you used to go on vacation with her family, she may be thinking you are someone who will feel comfortable in the environment without a plus one. You also said it's been a while since you've seen her, if she only has so many plus ones to give out, she might have been really torn when making the decision, but if you aren't in her current scene, it hurts but he may be placed on the back burner a bit. Because he's a boyfriend, it's hard, behind the scenes, she could have a lot of family and friends with newer boyfriends who want them to have an invite who she has had to tell no, and not being able to invite him may be a casualty of avoiding inviting a bunch of other plus ones she can't afford. Family is really hard to deal with, she might be drowning in "you have to invite your cousins boyfriend!" pressure and had to put her foot down and say no boyfriends. Not great for a normal size wedding, but something small, I think that's fine, she's probably hurting too. You also said she has made it clear she doesn't super get along with your boyfriend, and with you guys only talking a few times a year, I don't think it's odd she didn't extend him an invite with everything else considered.
I think previous comments are over reacting a little bit, especially since you seem rightfully a little hurt, but not furious, it sounds like everyone involved is pretty level headed. Her response to you is not a typical response, I would take the last sentence as a good thing. "It's still early but we are trying to add plus ones". I would take that as a bit of hope. If I were politely telling someone there man will not be at my wedding, I wouldn't give any hope like that, I would want to squash it and not get a text from them a few weeks before my wedding that says "did you decide about my boyfriend yet?" but I feel like her adding in that last sentence is her saying she has you in mind for if some space opens up.

Your boyfriend sounds sweet, it's nice of him to be supporting you and your friend even when the two of them don't get along, and not to be using this as a "See, I told you she's the worst! Now we don't have to go to this wedding, ugh!" It sounds to me like your friend is also thinking about you guys, since really I would in no way say "we'll see!" to someone I didn't want to bring up the topic again. I'd go support your friend, when she sees you next she may even be able to give a little insight on what's going on. But also I am a stranger on the internet, so she may be weird and awkward and you look around a see a ton of boyfriends of other people, so there is that.

For some people, the cut off is if you're married, engaged, or living with your SO, they're automatically invited. Otherwise, no. That said, it's not something I'd personally do, and it's not the side of that line I'd put a 9 year relationship on, regardless of living situation. But her list may be tight enough that she was squeezing to get you in. I really wouldn't take it personally, but do decline if you would rather not attend alone.

Weddings are romantic events. Guests should be able to attend with their spouse, fiance or serious significant other. I understand not giving a "plus-one" to a truly single guest or not inviting someone's brand new boyfriend/girlfriend. But your friend not inviting your boyfriend of NINE years is rude, and I'd definitely decline

Thank you, everyone. Yeah, I definitely feel in the middle, but my bf matters more to me. We have been together 9 years going on 10 this November and we have been living together for 3 years (not that it really matters). I would be more understanding if as some of you mentioned, he was a new bf or they straight up didn't like each other. We used to all work together 6 years ago and he was our boss, things got a little mixed up because she was my friend and he was my bf so she thought she would have a pass on things. After we all left that job things seemed amicable, we would go out for each others birthdays, we were always invited to their parties and they even watched our dog for a week while we were on vacation recently. I know that doesn't warrant an invitation but it was still shocking when he wasn't invited.