Invited to shower but not wedding - venting

Nope. Don't go. That's rude of her.

Anyone invited to a shower or other wedding related party, should also be invited to the wedding. If you aren't invited, I wouldn't be going to the shower. That is gift grabby of her.

Well, an STD isn't required, so you *could* still be invited to the wedding. But if you don't want to go either way, don't go! You aren't wrong, though, if you aren't invited to the wedding, inviting you to the shower is rude.

Yup, that's a big fat decline!

Def don't go.

No way. Very rude of her.

So rude! I'm sorry she did that, that's insensitive. If she wanted to celebrate with friends who wouldn't be invited to the wedding, she should have done something where there's no expectation of a gift (i.e., host a party herself). My cousin had a destination wedding and only his immediate family went, and they are having a second celebration this summer for everyone who couldn't go to the DW that they are throwing themselves with no gift expectation, no ceremony - just a fun party for friends and family to celebrate.

Sorry but this doesn't sound right at all. If your not invited to the wedding, and received no STD, then why be invited to the bridal shower like that is a exception? Never heard of anyone doing something like that so sorry to hear that.

That is very gift grabby. No thanks! I wouldn't go to the shower. And I would send back the RSVP after the date just to be a jerk. That is really rude.

@Stephanie had a good point - maybe this friend just did not send STDs, they aren't required although I think most people send them. When is your friends wedding? Are you sure you will not be invited to it?

I would see if there is a way to confirm you won't be invited to the wedding... do you have other friends that got STDs? Considering the wedding is a cruise, I would think you would have received an STD or something because you would have to make arrangements to attend.... how close is her wedding?

I think that since the wedding is on a cruise, there would definitely have been a STD. I would decline the shower invitation.

This happened to me! It was a male co-worker's wedding, but we've hung out outside of work a few times, and I've met his wife. He talked non-stop about the wedding. One day he texted me for my new address because I just moved, so I assumed it was for the wedding invite. A few days later I received a shower invitation. This was a month before their wedding, and I never got a wedding invite! I assume it's because I didn't go to the shower. There were THREE HUNDRED people at this wedding!

This is the worst thing ever. It happened to me once, needless to say, I did not remain friends with the girl. I'm good enough to give gifts but not have some dinner and spend time with you? Okay. Got it.

No. That's rude. And I agree, for a cruise she probably sent STDs. Pass.

Maybe she is planning a local reception after the ceremony? In that case she might not have sent STDs.

It was definitely rude, and you have every right not to go, but some people have brought up valid points too. Maybe she didn't send STDs, or maybe she's planning a reception after the wedding. Either way, it's completely up to whether or not you feel like you should attend. If I was invited to a shower and not a wedding I would definitely be miffed, but I think I would still go. They wouldn't get a gift worth more than $30, but I would probably still make an appearance. Is it rude to send a shower invite without a wedding invite? Very. Does that mean you shouldn't go? That's totally up to you.

I do think it is odd/rude to do this. Maybe someone is throwing the shower and didn't think of it.

I'd personally go, maybe get them something small or a creative gift. I gave a close friend an apron with "a recipe for love" on it and a rice cooker from their list.

People really do this crap?

I know of people that been married on a cruise. Everyone can be on deck for the ceremony and then get off if you are not going on the trip. Sounds like you were not invited for that.

I was once asked to co-host the bridal shower at my home, which I gladly did. I then did not receive a wedding invite as they were keeping their guest list to 100 people!