Invite to "reception" and not ceremony

So obviously this is against ettiquette. Personally I would go if I like the people and the time was convienent, but they would be getting a small gift equivalent to a house warming present.

Awful in all ways.

It's their wedding, their celebration party, their choice. Why should you be offended if that's the way they want to do it?

This is odd. I have no problem with having a truly intimate ceremony and a celebration party later. But everything else seems weird. Eta: @Renee, if this wasnt an intimate wedding it is rude to have a tiered guestlist. It comes off as gift grabby, especially if they arent even properly hosting their celebration party.

Why should they be offended? Because they're allowed to be offended by abject rudeness. More than that, they're allowed to say, "Yeah, not interested." If you're having a party and inviting people to attend to celebrate YOU, then host it. Don't ask your guests to host themselves at your after the fact party celebrating YOU.

I accept invitations to well hosted weddings. I have no interest in attending thrown together parties (barely) hosted by couples who marry for instant citizenship and who think it's okay to impose upon their guests because they want a reception after a wedding that nobody was invited to attend, or they didn't have the bachelor/bachelorette party (that isn't even required) so they think they've amassed wedding points that they can cash in.

Any "by invitation only" party that doesn't require a red Solo cup on a college campus shouldn't have the post script, "BYOB". A wedding? Give me a break, and give your invited guests a break. Host it correctly or go out to dinner with your parents. The mere thought of asking a guest to BYOB and a wedding gift is beyond rude.

My good friend just did something like this. They did not tell anyone that they were getting married 3 months before the "wedding" but the day came and the groom said during the speech, "She was ready, I was ready, so we just did the thing." I fully expected this from them. Neither are center of attention kind of people so they just wanted a party to celebrate with their friends. It was fun but didn't feel like a wedding. While they did do a facebook STD, they still sent out invites. They also rented out a bar for the party and had fully open bar for all. So it wasn't terrible. It just felt more like a birthday than a wedding.

I think it really depends on your relationship with this couple. If you are close, then support them. It's not traditional but it's their wedding (not an excuse but not everyone comes to wedding wire during their planning ).

Seriously Renee?

It's rude. You don't ask your friends to host your celebration in any way.

Did they actually call it a wedding or reception? If they're just throwing a party and inviting people to celebrate with them after eloping then that's a little different than them having a ceremony and then a reception and only inviting people to one.

@Renee So people can't be offended when someone does something rude?

Got it. Makes sense.

Better yet, make it Potluck, @Matt.

Here's the actual e-vite. I'm really just kind of offended that we're not invited to the actual ceremony but are invited to this.. after being on this site it's just such bad etiquette. We're not close with them but still.. bad etiquette

That doesn't even look like a reception invite. If they are doing an actual wedding/reception event along with this but did not invite all attendees, then yes, it's incredibly rude! I would not go. I certainly wouldn't send a gift.

This invitation is confusing. Is it going to be a going to the club type of deal or backyard BBQ party? They clearly didn't think this through.

The worst part.. 4th of July she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids if they had an actual ceremony instead of going to the court house lol

There is not even a location yet just a date @la grosera I have no idea. Last time I talked to her she was planning a reception with a food truck so I really could not tell you lol

ETA when I talked to our mutual friend a few weeks ago she said she was having it her apartment but it looks like they invited 60+ people and that's not ideal for an apartment..

I don't see an issue with this. To me it's more like having a court ceremony and celebrating later with family. I do think the BYOB is odd tho.

Perhaps after their courthouse ceremony, they had dinner with relatives.

Now they want to celebrate with friends.

Maybe by mentioning bachelor/bachelorette parties (not usually gift-oriented), they are not saying it is a wedding reception (usually gift-oriented).

Maybe they are providing food and it would overstretch their budget to provide alcohol.

Just giving them every benefit of the doubt.

I think the party itself is fine but the BYOB is not!! I also don't get that its a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. So is this a reception or a bach party? I wouldn't go.. it sounds way too scattered and disorganized for me and breaks etiquette.

Completely fine that they are having a party a few weeks later. Completely NOT fine to make it BYOB.

Wedding celebration =/= frat party

This is kind of RUDE.....