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Just Said Yes December 2020

Invite or exclude a friend who has offended the bride and maid of honor?

SoSoSparty, on February 26, 2020 at 10:01 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 30

A year ago, a lifelong friend of my husband's was at a tailgate party, acting "creepy" to our daughter and her best friend, who will be the maid of honor at her wedding. (He leered at this lovely girl, and said to her: "when YOU get married, you will be saying 'I do' to your husband, but you'll be...

A year ago, a lifelong friend of my husband's was at a tailgate party, acting "creepy" to our daughter and her best friend, who will be the maid of honor at her wedding. (He leered at this lovely girl, and said to her: "when YOU get married, you will be saying 'I do' to your husband, but you'll be thinking of me.") I wasn't there but my husband said they laughed it off, and no one acted as if it were inappropriate. My daughter and her friend told me that they were both very uncomfortable. Our daughter, asked us to not invite this man to her wedding. It would upset her and her MOH, and it is just another worry on top of a lot of others. My husband said he wants to invite him anyway because the man is part of a large group of family friends, and it would be awkward if he and his wife were not included.

If we decide not to invite this man and his wife, should we explain why? Please say what you think about this! It's a bone of contention in an otherwise happy situation! Thank you!

30 Comments

  • Holly
    Dedicated September 2020
    Holly ·
    • Flag

    "It would upset her and her MOH, and it is just another worry on top of a lot of others. My husband said he wants to invite him anyway because the man is part of a large group of family friends, and it would be awkward if he and his wife were not included."

    It sounds as if the bride and MOH weren't taken seriously by dad because he is a friend of the parents and it was laughed off. This is exactly what happens when creepy stuff isn't addressed right then and there. The bride and groom are who matter in this whole deal, not the parents, even if parents plan to pay for the friend and his wife. They should not be invited. It may be awkward for them, but it will be even MORE awkward for the bride who has to think about the words he said to her/how they made her feel the ENTIRE day.

    Edit: You should most definitely explain why they aren't invited. Hopefully, it will bring him to realize that he shouldn't be a creep. I'd get the wife in on the conversation.

    Gross.

    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Caroline ·
    • Flag
    I disagree with a lot of other commenters who understand your position. It would be horrifically wrong of you or your husband, despite how much of the wedding you paid or didn’t pay for, to invite a man who made your own daughter and best friend sexually uncomfortable, on her WEDDING DAY. It is her big day, her decision, and her right. Why would you even want to add the teensiest smudgen of upset or hurt to her on that day? Especially when she specifically asked you not to.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    So agree. I gave the exact same opinion. As a soon to be bride I would be beyond hurt and offended if my mom wanted to invite someone not that I didn’t know, not that I didn’t like, but someone who had personally offended and made me and my moh uncomfortable!?! Are you kidding me? How is this even a question!?
    You are the mother of the bride, not the bride! How is this your call? It is her day, and to even chance it with someone she’s not comfortable with is unfathomable to me
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    What lesson do you want to teach to your daughter? That creepiness and sexual advances are to be tolerated, even when unwanted? This is your daughters wedding. She should not be made uncomfortable.

    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this post. Though not related to a wedding, a “family friend” once made super creepy, not-to-be-misinterpreted comments to me at a gathering, and my parents immediately respected my wishes for that man (and his wife) to be off the invite list for future gatherings. As a young woman at the time, it was important for me to know that my parents valued their relationship with me (and my safely) more than some random, creepy guy who happened to be in their group of friends (at the time!). Thankfully, my parents did everything in their power to keep the creep (who very much earned the un-inviting) away from me. I cannot imagine having to “mingle” with such a creep at MY OWN wedding, especially knowing my parents invited the sad excuse for a man to the event.
    • Reply
  • A.B.
    Savvy January 2021
    A.B. ·
    • Flag

    Invite etiquette varies based on whose paying. However one thing is consistent: childhood sexual harassers of the bride or groom never make the cut, full stop. And that's what this is: his friend sexually harassed his child and her friend. If my Dad tried to pull this on me, as much as I'd be sad not to have him there, I'd un-invite Dad as well and walk down the aisle alone. Please advocate for your child.

    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    SoSoSparty ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I know I made the right decision. You all confirmed what I already knew in my heart when you shared your thoughts and suggestions. It’s great to get different perspectives, especially when they all end up basically the same. Haha! Wanted you to know that last week, after a brief calm discussion, dad and daughter agreed on daughter’s guest list. On to the next challenge!
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Expert December 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    Um, the bride asked someone to not be invited because he made an inappropriate comment towards her-HARD NO, he's not invited. Social graces be damned.

    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    SoSoSparty ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks Alyssa! Resolved! Without malice or wounds. With all social graces intact.

    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    SoSoSparty ·
    • Flag

    How do I end this discussion?

    • Reply

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