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Just Said Yes December 2020

Invite or exclude a friend who has offended the bride and maid of honor?

SoSoSparty, on February 26, 2020 at 10:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 30
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A year ago, a lifelong friend of my husband's was at a tailgate party, acting "creepy" to our daughter and her best friend, who will be the maid of honor at her wedding. (He leered at this lovely girl, and said to her: "when YOU get married, you will be saying 'I do' to your husband, but you'll be thinking of me.") I wasn't there but my husband said they laughed it off, and no one acted as if it were inappropriate. My daughter and her friend told me that they were both very uncomfortable. Our daughter, asked us to not invite this man to her wedding. It would upset her and her MOH, and it is just another worry on top of a lot of others. My husband said he wants to invite him anyway because the man is part of a large group of family friends, and it would be awkward if he and his wife were not included.

If we decide not to invite this man and his wife, should we explain why? Please say what you think about this! It's a bone of contention in an otherwise happy situation! Thank you!

30 Comments

  • Emily
    Expert August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    Is the bride not making her own guest list? I’d ultimately just let her decide
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    It's the bride decision not the parents. I would just say she decided to keep her guest list lined. In fact she doesn't want this person there she has that right. Plus what he did isn't funny and I would be uncomfortable too.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    I would let her decide and if she’s seriously asking you not to because he’s creepy and makes her uncomfortable, I would respect that
    • Reply
  • Monica
    Super April 2020
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    If she doesn’t want him there then he shouldn’t be there. I understand parents wanting to invite their close friends but she is specifically requesting for this man not to be invited. His comment wasn’t funny & it was kinda creepy. If someone gives me a weird vibe it makes me see that person in a different light maybe thats how she feels, whether hes a life long friend of the family or not.
    • Reply
  • S
    December 2020
    Shelly ·
    • Flag

    Don't invite him and his wife and if/when they ask why simply tell them he creeped out the bride at that tailgate party and she is uncomfortable around him. Not much he can say to that.

    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    As the MOB, we left final decisions about the guest list to daughter & SIL (and we paid for 80% of the wedding, but it was still their choice). So even if this guy wasn't creepy, it would be daughter's call. However, that fact that he was completely inappropriate would make this a hard no for me regardless. No middle aged man (no man of any age) should be saying something like that to a woman and have people laugh it off. That's just gross. Do you really want to be worrying about what inappropriate things he's saying to other young women at the wedding? What if he says something like that to your teenage niece? NO, he's not invited!

    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Devoted March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    No, your daughter’s wishes should be respected. This man makes her uncomfortable and for good reason. Dad shouldn’t even be pushing the argument at all. The man is creepy. Why would you want that at your daughter’s wedding? It should be a hard no.
    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Expert November 2020
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    I can understand that it might be awkward for your and your husband to not invite this man, but the bride doesn’t want him there. That alone is reason to not even contemplate it (also goes for the groom, of course). And in this case, the bride and MOH were creeped out by this man’s incredibly inappropriate and gross comment. If I were a mom, I wouldn’t want someone making those comments to my kids, and in front of her dad, no less!
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    It’s the bride and groom’s wedding, so they should ultimately control the guestlist— it’s nice if the parents can include some friends, but they really shouldn’t get carte blanche. No one should be at the wedding that make the bride or groom uncomfortable. My parents’ friends didn’t get a blanket invite just because they were my parents’ friends — we only included those we had a close personal relationship with.


    It doesn’t have to be a central issue if they’re not invited. He could just say “we didn’t make the guest list” — OR he could be fully open about it — “you made a comment that made her feel uncomfortable ; I and you felt it was in jest , but she and her friend interpreted it differently.” — I like this because it is honest, it doesn’t implicate dad (“hey I laughed!”) while also *hopefully* being a reality check for this guy (“oh crap, was I out of line? Should I try to behave differently in the future?”). Some explanation that they may understand that it was meant as a joke but it was still uncomfortable, and words have consequences.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    It's the choice of the couple. So if this has stuck with her, she should absolutely be able to veto this invite. She should be allowed to veto any invite.
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    SoSoSparty ·
    • Flag

    Thank you all so much for your responses!

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    If the bride doesn’t want him there, why on earth would you invite him?? It’s not your wedding. I can see this causing a problem between you and your daughter. Even if you are paying for the entire wedding, it’s still not your wedding. I’d be so disappointed and hurt if my mother behaved this way.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    Are you getting married or planning your daughters wedding? This is a confusing post
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    SoSoSparty ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm MOB> Sorry about that, I need to edit my profile.

    • Reply
  • Onya
    Devoted April 2021
    Onya ·
    • Flag
    So your husband cares more about his friend than his daughter’s obvious discomfort? Damn... sounds like your daughter felt violated and your husband brushed it off...
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I totally agree!
    • Reply
  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
    • Flag

    Yeeeaaah, no. Definitely off the guest list! That is super creepy predatory behavior and I would have cut ties with him RIGHT THERE! My daddy would have flipped his lid if any of his friends said that to me (and he def wouldn't have laughed!!). Still, it's ultimately up to the bride and groom to have ultimate veto power over anyone on the guest list!!

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    I would absolutely not invite him if he made a comment like that to my daughters friend. My FH's dad worked with a lady that was really good friends with my aunt. My aunt hated me and would always talk poorly about me to this woman so she ALSO talked poorly about me to anyone that would listen (we're from a small town). My FIL's put her on the list because they worked together and I put that one to rest real fast. I'm not going to invite and pay all this extra money for someone to be there that only ever has terrible things to say about me. Honor what your daughter wants. You don't owe them an explanation but if they ask, say there are capacity limitations and y'alls friends were the first to be removed from the list because it's not your wedding.

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    That’s sooo creepy! I actually had a similar situation with some friends of my parents who they insisted had to be invited to the wedding, even after saying something awkward to me, so I can definitely sympathize with your daughter. I think it’s important to address the comments that were made, and maybe think twice about having this person around in the future
    • Reply
  • Agarb
    Savvy November 2020
    Agarb ·
    • Flag

    Absolutely should not be invited. Probably should reevaluate your friendship with him in general if he's making comments like that.

    • Reply

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