Invite father-in-law's girlfriend?

My mom had an affair, and ended up marrying the guy, after my parents divorced. Never in a million years would i have not invited my step-fatjer to my wedding.. Would it have been awkward? Yes, but my parents are all adults and could behave as such.

You have 1.5 years till your wedding. As PP said, count her in the headcount, and leave it be for now. Don't dredge up the open wounds at the moment. Let it settle, and in 1.5 years, see how the relationships are.

We are in somewhat the same boat. FFIL cheated on FMIL several years ago. FMIL has seemed to have gotten over it but FFIL has not. But since FFIL doesn't act like an adult, I've had to tell FH that FFIL is not allowed to talk shit about FMIL while staying at our house, to which his reply was 'I won't even though I have the right to'. It's safe to say that FFIL & I do not get along, & FH & I don't care for his girlfriend either but we are inviting her, she just won't be in any of the pictures.

Sarah, the only who can say whether not inviting the FILs GF will destroy the relationship between FH and FFIL is the FFIL. As to who to be concerned about, OP and FH are the best judges, OP and FH may or may not be spending time with FFIL and his wife, really up to them. In any event, she has time to deal with it.

IMHO, 5 year affair while one partner is married does not mean they will be together forever When a man marries his mistress, a job opening exists.

This is a decision that should be left to your FH. This is his family.

When it gets closer, your FH should have a heart to heart with his dad to discuss the matter and decide what is best for all involved. Meanwhile it is certainly possible that they could break up regardless of how long they've been cheating as being exposed might change the dynamics of the relationship.

ETA: changed "DH" to "FH" .....oops

Thank you everyone on your opinion on this topic. It is interesting to see various opinions. I especially thank Karen; I felt you really tried to understand where I'm coming from so thank you. To me, FIL and gf are both responsible for their actions. GF is not blameless, she knew he was married and went along with taking part anyway. FIL knew what he was doing, he was just greedy and wanted to control everything, including wife and gf. MIL is angry and has good reason to be. All three won't leave my fiancé alone with their problems. From everyone's suggestion, I'll give it time. All I want is to have our wedding with everyone getting along. I can only dream of it to come out perfectly (that's why I'm planning so early, I'm OCD haha!) but things happen. We'll see what happens.

I agree it's FH decision. But I would not invite her. Too much drama and honestly I wouldn't want her there. I would of course want my father there.

Like a previous person stated... they may be able to control themselves but the WHOLE ( 2nd cousins..etc) family may not be able to with alcohol. I'm sure a lot of people are pissed..even tho it's not their place to say anything.

Unfortunately the exact same situation happened with my FH. I love my FMIL to death and feel terrible for what happened to her. I've asked some friends about the invite situation and they've said that if she gets a plus 1, he should too. I personally am disgusted by what he did, but he's still my FH's dad and part of the family. Luckily for us they all agreed to be civil for things like this.

To be honest, I'm surprised how many people are standing up for the other woman who made a conscious decision in being involved with a married man, with no remorse I might add (FH's words, not mine.) Yes yes before you all crucify me, FFIL is fully responsible too. I know! I guess I'm old fashioned. Just because that's the reality today doesn't mean I have to like it, especially if it effects my FH. Maybe someday GF will show some remorse or at the very least respect my FMIL on our wedding day. FH's family are already not taking kindly to GF, so open bar may be a problem. I hate to get security involved but that may just be an option. Oh well, hopefully things will simmer down then.

I know it has been a while since I started this discussion but I thought it would be nice to update. It has been decided that FIL's GF will not be invited. FH agreed because he and the rest of his family doesn't like her, and it is insulting and disrespectful to his mother. He told FIL himself and FIL agreed to it because he still wanted to be part of our special day.