Invitation Regret

I am not inviting one of my mom's sister's ENTIRE family. My mom had 9 siblings... The one I am referring to is the eldest of the 10. She has 5 kids that each have kids...And some of them have kids... It would be an extra 25 people and I don't talk to any of them anymore! My mom doesn't get along with that aunt and most don't get along with her eldest grandchild. I'm sure I am going to have cousins and 2nd cousins that are going to be upset, but IDGAF at this moment.

Yup a similar situation with a cousin. Long story. But it had something to do with facebook (surprise surprise) and her including me in a tag on Christmas morning with a stepsister who has made my life hell over the years - and this cousin knew full well that me seeing a picture of this stepsister in a tag would be hurtful, and on Christmas morning! Sooooo, I sent her a very nice private msg telling her I was going to have to delete her as one of my friends, it was too painful to see pictures and tags of a person who has hurt me and my immediate family deeply, I asked her to please do not take it personally, I was not asking her to make choices between me (her real cousin by the way) and her step cousin, and left her my email address and phone number if she ever wanted to catch up. Wellll, that caused drama and her and my aunt sent me nasty messages over this. Seriously, this step sister cut deep into the emotions of my life. When my dad passed away, I felt no need to ever have to see this vermin again. And the thing is this cousin and aunt know all the pain that had occurred over the years. I simply asked them to respect my wishes that it was too painful to see these tags. A year later I am planning a wedding. I am inviting all my cousins ... including this one who didn't understand or respect my wishes - over a facebook account. I even told her in my private message that family is stronger than a facebook account friendship and begged her to please understand. Well, they didn't understand. But I will invite them anyway - because, really, I have nothing against them, other than the fact that they hated me after I deleted them from my facebook. So stupid. She probably won't come, but I am inviting her anyway because the other cousins are invited and she never really did anything horrible to me.

I have an aunt that I am no longer (and haven't been for over 5 years) speaking terms with...she likes to create a lot of drama and stir the pot in the family, so quite a few people are upset with her, actually.

Within the past 6 months, I have had two cousins get married and she couldn't be bothered to even pick up with phone when their brides to be started calling her after the RSVP deadline to see if she was coming (she didn't go to either). The only difference is that she WAS invited to theirs and won't be to mine. I won't give her the satisfaction of doing the same to me, or worse not coming and sending a gift...our last conversation she told me I was dead to her, as she is to me, but yet even though the family is aware of our dislike of one another, I can't help to anticipate upset relatives when she somehow tries to make herself out as the martyr and innocent to others when this comes up.

No matter what, I refuse cave in on my wish to not have her there and it even caused an argument between FH and I before he understood (meaning talking to more rational people that arent me but still getting the same response).

I'm in a similar situation! My Dad is one of 9 kids and I haven't talked to some of my cousins in years. That was probably the most stressful bit of planning so far since some of them are totally ok with it (they set the precedent with not inviting anyone but grandparents) but some non-invites have caused other aunts, uncles and even my Nana to decide not to come. But you can't let it get to you! It'll suck that there not there (if you wanted them there) but it'll be better in the end since if they were there they would probably be stinkers the whole time.

It's totally up to you about who you invite so stick to your guns!

I've been in a similar situation. Husbands cousin has been with this girl for over 7 years (they don't live together, not engaged). The girl used to be my best friend...they hooked me up with husband. Well, after husband and I got together, she ended up turning on me and telling me if I wanted to be with husband then she wasn't going to be my friend because "I changed." Super immature and bi-polar of her since shes the one that hooked us up, but whatever. I choose husband, of course, because she wasn't a true friend to treat me like that and I didn't want her in my life.

So fast foward. We still haven't talked in 2 years. I actually hate her because she treats me like crap every chance she gets when we are at family functions together. I made the decision not to invite her to our wedding. But, of course her boyfriend (which is husbands cousin) was invited. It caused an up roar, but I really didn't give a shit, because I knew if she went she would find some way to make me uncomfortable at my own wedding. Husbands cousin RSVP'd to the wedding but didn't end up showing up...that was really sucky of him. But I do not regret my decision. I did not want her there, I do not like her. end of story. I could care less what others think, its not their wedding, they are not paying for it.

My advice to you- choose what path you want to walk down. If you invite them, you have to deal with them at your wedding. If you don't invite them you have to deal with them being upset. But either way- you have to deal with them. Get what I'm sayin' girl. Either path you choose you have to deal with them.....so pick what path you like better.

it sucks that people have to be so stupid.... but it is what it is! Do what makes you and your FH more comfortable....its Y'ALLS wedding girl!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET PEOPLE PUSH YOU ARE OR MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT. Stand your ground!

I've waffled about inviting my father due to his insistence on having a relationship with my abusive ex husband. I totally saw it coming that he would cause more drama by not being invited and I would rather pay for his dinner than deal with his nonsense in the years that follow.

I am in the same boat here. With my family we are inviting only cousins we speak with or who have met my fiance in the 5 years we have been together. My parents aren't happy with the decision but we are already at a guest list of 185 and can't afford to go higher. On the other hand my fh mom got upset with me because we invited my fh cousin who she does not get along with. I have decided we can't make everyone happy and to do what we can and they will have to deal

Since the deed's been done and you already spoke to them about not being invited it doesn't sound like there is much you can do.

I am totally NOT a believer in coming together just because of a big family event. We did that with FH's parents and I regret it. We should have just kept them out of everything instead of acting like everything is OK just because we are having a wedding and weddings are SUPPOSED to bring you together with your family. The SAME issues have come up during the wedding planning process and I guarantee you we will go right back to being treated poorly after the wedding.

There are about 12+ of my dad's cousin's and their kids I am not inviting because they haven't attended any family event we invite them to in the past decade. They also do not respond to my dad's emails. Apparently, there was a falling out at my oldest sister's wedding. The cousin's wanted their middle school children to have their girlfriend/boyfriends and friends invited but it was a no kids wedding so my dad said no, just the family, no plus ones. It would have been an additional twenty something people instead of just the 12. So I think I'm just going to save the 3 stamps per household for the 7 households and not invite them. I have no idea what they look like and don't know who they are, so I don't care if they get upset. They apparently recently had a wedding in their family. Our family was not invited to the shower or wedding.

No aunts or uncles (8 total) who feel like they "raised me" but dont know anything about me as an adult... no cousins (8 total) who show up drunk to everything (funerals, birthday parties, etc) or all of their bratty kids (14 total) who always find a way to be the center of attention.

Just the folks who mean the most to us AND who know us as a couple. 16 total.

@Macksgirl is right, either way someone isnt going to be happy, either you on your wedding day with their drama or they get a little butt-hurt because they were not invited.

My dads entire family hasn't spoken to him in YEARS... And yet my dad said to invite all of them. Reason being is that if they decide not to come it is on them and not me. I had nothing to do with the fallout, so he even thought I should be the bigger person. Needless to say my wedding is the last chance for a relationship to continue with these people

This is where I get in my IDGAF mood! I have an aunt and uncle who have disrespected my parents (both are my dad's sister and brother) and even though I'm inviting my other aunts and uncles I am not inviting those two. Don't care what they say or think but they aren't a part of my life anymore so why would I want them there? Definitely won't be able to make everybody happy

I have one aunt that doesn't talk to anyone else in the family (including some of her own children). The last time my mother and I made an effort to spend time with her she spent the whole time telling lies about her siblings. I chose to not invite her (only one of her daughters is incited, her other 2 daughters are drug addicts and her surviving son is in jail) but I am not concerned as no one in my family would question who I invite nor would they make a big deal about who isn't invited.

My mom is one of 12... yep... 12... so i have a million cousins. So when i was looking to cut from the family... those were my two casualties. When you're cutting... you'll take them from anywhere! LOL

My dad is one of 5... and I have 6 siblings... so this has been a process. The good thing is that my Dad's side of the family doesn't like to travel... so i got lots of nos that helped my list. But this was a hard chore.

As far as my dad's side of the family goes... I doubt my dad will even come! I messaged his 4 siblings through fb (privately) for addresses and only got one reply. I'm not going to hunt them down for addresses. I'll send an invite to my dad and his one sister that replied. I haven't talked to any of his family in years. I never felt like a part of their family to begin with, they all live in MI, including my dad. I live in WV. My dad has visited twice since my parents divorced 20yrs ago. Once after my nephew was born, and once after my niece. He didn't attend my graduation or my sister's wedding. I gave my dad exactly a years notice and he said "he don't know how he is going to feel in a year". It is what it is.

I didn't invite my parents to my wedding. I've never regretted that decision.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!! Fuck those people.

Do what you feel! You didn't want them there in the first place so don't feel guilty. There is a reason why you didn't invite them, just keep thinking that when anyone gives you a headache over it x Good luck

@TheFrankSpot - I am having similar massive family issues! FH's mom is one of 16... or is it 17? Most of the family is very close but there are a few cousins that haven't been to a bunch of family events and I haven't met yet in many years of dating FH.

At the same time, I think it's incredibly offensive to invite 35 cousins and not invite 5 -- they're still family. My compromise is just to invite them and pray they don't show up (as per their usual) since we really don't have the space for everyone to RSVP yes!