Intimate cermony and large reception

No. It's rude to have a large ceremony and small reception; it implies they are not worth spending money for food on. But it is perfectly okay to have a small ceremony and a large reception A lot of people who do this will have several hours between the ceremony and reception or even have them on separate days.

It's absolutely NOT rude!! I have severe social anxiety and can't handle being the center of attention either, so we are doing exactly the same thing! We are having our ceremony at FMIL's house with immediate family, then having our reception for all of our friends and other family right down the street at this nice place that has room for almost 200 people!! =)

You just have to make sure to get the invites to the right people...LOL! We sent out invites to our immediate family for the ceremony, and then we made up separate invites that say we would love the pleasure of your company at our wedding reception, and we sent those to immediate family AND everyone else!! =)

I have to disagree with previous posters, I think it is rude.

A reception is to "receive" your ceremony guests. If I was only invited to the reception, I would feel I was not important enough to be invited to the ceremony, but was important enough to be asked to attend a reception with a gift.

Can you just have a smaller guest list in general? Or a shorter ceremony?

I think it's rude because the whole point of a "wedding" is getting married and you get married in the ceremony not reception. With that being said, I know people that have done it and pulled it off pretty successfully but there were also the friends and family that didn't show up because they were offended that they weren't "important enough" to view the actual ceremony. It really depends on the couple and guests. I would never do it but I'm sure it could work out. PS...don't you think at a reception you will still be center of attention?

Just because you're doing it doesn't mean it's not rude. You will still be the center of attention at the reception, so if you're really that nervous about it, just have a small wedding.

I personally think it is rude. For me it's saying, "You are not an intimate part of our life. But we still want a gift." However, you know your crowd. You know how they will respond.

I don't think it's rude at all! I wanted a special, fun and pretty wedding, but not a big wedding.

when I had a big bridal freak out a few weeks ahead I regretting not going all out for a few days, but the fine brides (and a few grooms) on WW reminded me that what I had planned was my vision all along, and that I was just over reacting.

and I was, so happy I stayed with something small I personally have seen many times where the ceremony was small and the reception was big- most everyone was fine with it and respected the couples choice. the few relatives that did have a attitude that they weren't at the ceremony were the 'have to invite' relatives and I doubt they would have been happy no matter what the couple did anyhow.

people should be grateful they get to share your day at all, if they aren't, then heck with them and their attitude.

From an etiquette perspective there is nothing wrong with inviting people to the reception who weren't invited to the ceremony. We did it. As evidenced from above posts, you'll get a few people who make it all about them rather than respecting the circumstances of the B&G, who you may find won't attend the reception.

I guess the difference of opinion here comes down to what you view the wedding to be about. FH and I could have gotten married at the courthouse by ourselves and we would have been just as married. But we decided to include guests, making our wedding about the two of us as well as the people we love most. I don't see it as wanting our guests to respect our wishes, but us respecting our guests.

It is why you put "pleasure of your company" or "honor of your presence" on the invites. You are recognizing that your guests participation is important to you. Once you open up this day to other people, I think you have to be respectful of them, too.

I have to go with the "its rude" crowd on this one. Sure, I would still want to go to the reception, I like a good party.. but I would feel like I'm not important enough to witness their marriage, but they want to invite me to their reception so I will give them a gift.

I understand you can't invite EVERYONE you want to your wedding and still want to celebrate with those people, which is why you can have a small intimate dinner with them the next day...or week (at least in the Jewish circle this is common).

I think there's a difference between having a ceremony with 50 people and a reception with 100.... Or in this case, having a ceremony with 5 people and a reception with 50. This is an intimate, private ceremony where the other just says f*** y'all, I just didn't want to invite y'all. For those saying that just getting invited to the reception makes you feel like you're only being asked for a gift, I disagree; you took the time to invite me to the reception to celebrate and party with you, and you paid a nice chunk of change for me to be there. It's appreciated. Bringing a gift to a reception is technically optional, but the bride paying for a guest is not. Just don't be an idiot about who you invite to the ceremony (see above) and make it clear in your invitations. There are plenty of ways to do this that all follow proper etiquette.

It is only ok if you are having a truly intimate ceremony with immediate family only. Literally parents, grandparents and siblings and possibly MOH/ best man. Any more than that, and it can come across as picking and choosing those who are "important" enough to invite to the ceremony.

For example, 50 friends and family at the ceremony and 150 at the reception is rude, in my opinion.

I don't think it's rude. I'm doing the same thing. Ceremony will be me, my fiancé, his 2 children and son in law. The reception will be for family and friends.

I don't think it's acceptable to have a TRADITIONAL reception - big white dress, bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. with people who weren't at the wedding ceremony. No.

I think if you have a reception PARTY without all that than it's perfectly okay! Especially if it's on a different day.

I don't think it is rude if it really is just immediate family members. The ceremony is a very intimate moment and the reception is the loud obnoxious party to celebrate. I agree that anything more than parents, grandparents, and siblings just looks like you are picking favorites. I've attended two weddings that had a private ceremony, and I only got invited to the reception. I totally understood the reasoning and I thought the way the bride and groom went about it was very tasteful. The invitation read "Please join us for a reception to the celebrate the marriage of Bride and Groom" and at the bottom it read "We have chosen to have an intimate ceremony with only immediate family. Thank you for respecting our wishes."

That being said, your wedding is all about you, so no matter what part of the day it is - preceremony, ceremony, reception, after party - you are the center of attention and there is no escaping it. You could also have a "reception" on a different day that is more laid back and more of a party than a formal reception where everyone can really let loose and it's just everyone together having a good time to honor you, but you aren't necessarily doing anything where you are in the spotlight (such as first dances, head table, bouquet toss, etc.). Just hire a DJ, have a bar, have a bunch of hors d'eouvres catered in, and let people just have fun and dance.

ETA: What Snarky just said about a reception party summed up that nice big paragraph I just wrote there a lot better!

I did that the first time i got married. Immediate family only at the wedding and luncheon, maybe 30 people. And then we had a wedding "celebration" not a reception., later that evening at 7pm. Maybe 125 people. Booze, music, and fun. Basically we sent out a wedding announcement and then invited them to our casual wedding celebration At a VFW hall. This time only having 38 immediate family for both.

I think it depends on your situation. If you are doing a destination ceremony & a reception back home with family or a planned elopement style ceremony & then family reception- that is very acceptable, this is exactly what we are doing.

If you have certain financial or other circumstances that would make this type of arrangement the only possibility I also think that is completely understandable. But, I do think you will have some people who will think they are missing out if they are invited to a reception & not to the wedding, particularly if you extend the ceremony guest list beyond immediate family.

You have to decide what is important to you. I wouldn't mind, I prefer the party

I don't think it's rude. I view it the same way I view at DW or a court house wedding with party later.