Interracial Marriage

I'm sorry you're going through this! That breaks my heart that this is still an issue today.

I have been told that if you ever have an issue with your SO's family, he/she should be the one that deals with the issue and not yourself. Obviously, if it goes too far then by all means, defend yourself. I think your FH should talk to his Grandma and make sure she knows those comments are completely disrespectful. If he doesn't feel comfortable doing that directly to his Grandma, maybe he can talk to which ever parent is her kid and they can be the lesion between y'all.

Hope it works out!

I agree with Mary! This is something your FH should address himself and immediately. So sorry you have to deal with this bs in 2017

I don't have advice other than what PPs have already said. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, and the people of Wedding Wire are here to support you.

Sorry you are experiencing this. You can choose your friends, but not your family. My advice is just to seat her far away from you guys, maybe with a group of people where she can do the least harm. Good luck.

I agree with PP. It's important for your relationship that your FH tells her she is being hurtful and inappropriate. You should not have to defend yourself from FILs. FH needs to tell her if she can't straighten up and stop being nasty, it will only hurt her relationship with him. She needs to know she is not capable of hurting your relationship with FH.

I'm very sorry you are going through this right now. I am in the same exact predicament as you are. My grandmother uses derogatory comments when speaking about my FH and I lashed out and let her know that I will not tolerate her bs. My grandmother raised me but if she can't accept this man who loves me to pieces then why should I keep holding on to her? It is such an ugly situation to be in and I feel for you hun. You just have to let her know that you want her to be civil and respect your marriage/FH or you let her lose out on your beautiful life. Stay strong!

ETA: here's a link from my post yesterday, it had really good advice from awesome ladies. https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/interracial-problems/925466783653e785.html

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with others. He needs to stop her immediately. She needs to know her behavior will not be tolerated even if that means having no relationship with her grandson. Your position in his life as his wife will surely supersede all others.

I too would have FH address this with his grandmother. I do believe you don't just marry the person rather you marry the whole family. I think it's time to stop just ignoring her bc she's old and say something to her.

I am in an interracial relationship as well I learned to ignore all comments and focus on my FH it's about us and if people can not accept us than that's their problem. My wedding is about FH and I and no one else.

My parents are interracial and were married when it still wasn't okay in the eyes of many people. And you know what? Anyone who didn't support their relationship was not invited to their wedding. Plain and simple. That's pure ignorance on behalf of his grandma. You're better than me because I wouldn't snapped. I'm sorry your dealing with this and love has no colors.

Wow...three people who posted on this thread are in interracial relationships, and all three of them are subjected to this kind of bigotry? That's shocking. I honestly cannot understand why family members, those people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and be your best advocates on the planet, have such an issue with this -- all that matters is the happiness and optimism that the other party brings to a person's life. In a world full of stress, pressure, disappointment, and losses, finding and marrying that one special person is a gift. That's the way potential spouses should be seen by family members, and it's willful blindness to overlook that and instead focus on ethnicity.

Sharonda, this does need to be addressed. He needs to confront her, and you need to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you've tolerated your last comment. The PPs who have advised you to tell her that no change in behavior will cost her a wedding invitation, are correct. At some point, most of us have had to face the uncomfortable task of setting firm boundaries with those we love. Some people understand that you're serious without testing the boundaries -- sadly, others aren't and proof is required (that's the hard part, but it will change things).

Be sure to stick with whatever consequence you've come up with. Also, have a long talk with FH and don't stop talking until you're convinced that he will support you in the event that she ignores you and continues to degrade you. The worst thing would be telling her that she isn't invited to the wedding, and he invites her anyway.

Best of luck, and I am sorry you're being treated this way.

She doesn't get to come.

He confronts her and tells her that this is not okay. Being old doesn't get her a pass.

I feel like this is the third comment in days about this and it makes me sick.

I am in an interracial relationship as well, and unfortunately some people will never approve. But those are the people you don't need in your life. You should have the most important people in your lives, and your FH should tell the family member they are being rude and if they continue, the family relationship may need to end completely.

He has to address his grandmother personally. I am also in a interracial relationship, but haven't dealt with not being accepted by his family, and my family has always accepted him too. Older generations , have a hard time accepting, interracial, and same sex relationships.

I think he needs to talk with her ... she's freaking rude af it's 2017 you guys can love who you want ... just be mindful her opinion may never change ... thing used to be very different and more closed minded ... if nothing changes ignore her

This is horrible. Sorry you are going through this OP!

I'm in an interracial relationship and in 3 weeks in an interracial marriage. I'm Latina( half Mexican, half Venezuelan) with some European roots and he is black( half Dominican, half African-American). I don't care what people say for me, because I love my fiance as he loves me. We have also 11 months old baby girl.

I'm so sorry you're going through this in 2017! I've never received any negativity about my interracial relationship, but my grandma has. She's Filipino and my grandpa is Irish. It was his second marriage and her first. My grandpa was previously married to another Caucasian woman. His parents made it clear from the get go that they disapproved and they told him that if he had kids with my grandma, they wouldn't have a relationship with their mixed grandchildren. My dad and his siblings have never met their racist paternal grandparents.

PPs are absolutely right. You need to get your FH or one of her kids to talk to her and make it clear that if she doesn't cut her racist bullshit out, she won't receive a wedding invitation and she won't be a part of your lives.

Sharonda, I can completely relate as someone who is also in an interracial relationship. For some reason, there are too many people who feel the need to speak their (racist) opinions instead of focusing on the couple's happinesses.

He really needs to address his grandmother and get firm with her about the situation. He isn't going to change her viewpoint, but he should make it very clear that such negativity will not be allowed around his new family. If that means taking a few steps back from his relationship with her, he may need to do so.

With time, I hope she gets to see you as the wonderful woman who loves her grandson. Isn't his happiness what matters most in the end?

I am sending you positive vibes and well wishes!

My mom is white and my dad is black (they're divorced now). My mom got pregnant with me when she was a senior in high school. Her parents (my grandparents) told her to get an abortion, because she can't have a black man's baby. My grandparents love me, but they're still racist. There are some things you can't change.

I am going to marry a white man, and his family has made some racial comments that make me uncomfortable. Of course, these comments are never directed towards me, but when he has his mom on speaker phone I hear some of the things she says.

Oh well, he's still marrying me. If they have a problem, they can kiss my mixed ass

I'm not too sure on advice. Tell your FH she has to stop saying stuff like that. It's 2017, get over it. If she has a problem, she can stay home and be racist and bitter.

ETA: Words