Insensitive Family

Thank you to everyone for the support during this emotional time, and thank you to everyone who shared their opinion even if it's different from mine. I wrote an email to my cousin expressing my feelings--that I was hurt by her actions, even if it was unintentional--and she apologized right away, confirming that it was unintentional and she would have never done it if she had known it would bother me so much. I mailed a nice baby shower gift. Family relationship is repaired!

I didn't mention this in the original post, but I graduated last summer and moved across the country with my fiance a few months ago for work. With the lock down (I live in Portland, OR so we're particularly locked down these days), we have been incredibly isolated in that we don't know many people in our new city and we are a 5-hour plane ride from all friends and family. Part of my frustration in cancelling the wedding was not being able to see loved ones, so it is true I got jealous of my cousin for being able to spend time with friends and family while I can't. But yes, ultimately it's just a day, and weddings can be postponed while baby deliveries can't. I'm glad she is getting this moment and I'm excited for her family. I'll get my day eventually, I just have to wait a bit longer...

View Quoted Comment This is much better. Jealousy and bitterness usually hurt the one feeling it, and you don't need anything more that is bad. I am sure she did not think of that as your day any more, because she thinks, your wonderful day is coming. Post moving, most people are lonely. I have done some relocating for a 1 to 5 years at a time, 5 times, before picking up a husband and making the last move a couple years later, to my home area. School, army, or overseas exchange student staying with relatives, I now look back at the best therapy: writing long, sometimes newsy, sometimes remember when, pictures or not, real old fashioned letters, to the people I missed. Modern electronics are fast, bit usually not deep. There is something about writing out your thoughts and feelings, to multiple people each week. And reading their replies, usually real letters, not dashed off, from them. Because you can put aside a letter and read it, and reread it, at bedtime or in the bath. When you are lonely. And when I moved on, I wrote to some of those people , those who regularly replied more than a few word text, with letters, or cards. And wrote to the newer friends, or family I had barely known til I stayed with them a year or two. By the time I was in the army, all stateside, I was something of a joke. I sent and received 1 or 2 letters a month from about 10 people, and every couple months from a dozen more. I am sure this is a stressful time for you. Even if you have never been a letter writer, try it. Grandmother's, friends, send cute things to a friend's kids you used to see. I like the mail in my box. Years later, still, my daughter brought me 4 letters when she came back from the mailbox today. Meandering through our thoughts , I got to know some people as never before. Unlike posting on many boards, it is private, and you can correspond off and on for years. Buy a couple of boxes of real stationery, and try it. Write to 5 or six people over the course of a week. Others the next week. See what happens. Private channels of conversation will help with lonely days. And friends will give you encouragement about meeting new people, and advice. People get so little non-junk mail, you might be surprised at who writes you back.

Be upset! That is OK! I would be as well. I would certainly be hurt if this was my situation. I agree with you that this is insensitive and very rude of her. Then to add more the grandmother is now all the sudden not worried about her health and safety because it's a baby shower not a wedding??? COME ON! That's a craptastic excuse.

I am sorry and I hope that when your beautiful day comes you are able to take the gracious route and provide these people with warmth they are unable to provide to you.