Chantal
Devoted May 2020

Inexperienced and In Charge

Chantal, on February 12, 2020 at 6:29 PM Posted in Planning 0 42
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Hello, wedding wire community! I've been scrolling through forums trying to see if anyone else has posted something like this, and then I realized that I could just post it myself! How silly!


My fiance and I got engaged last August, and we're getting married at the end of May this year. As long as I've been old enough to talk about marriage, my mom has always told me that she would pretty much take most of the planning off my hands when I got married. This was GREAT with me, since I'm a very ignorant person when it comes to events and details boggle me.


However, once we had the venues nailed down, she got very busy and no longer initiated anything. In December, I realized that she had somehow completely changed gears and was expecting me to plan most of it, so I started reaching out to vendors and making a million to do lists and buying wedding planning books.


I'm officially at 100 days before the wedding, and while I have a lot of the main details figured out, there's so much little stuff (and even more things that I feel like I'm missing). Usually I'm extremely organized and opinionated, but with how little experience I have, I honestly don't care about a lot of the details that I'm having to uncover and decipher. I would DEFINITELY hire a wedding planner if possible, but we're pushing the limits of our budget as is. Can anyone suggest ways for me to stay organized and feel on top of this event, when I have zero experience planning even a birthday party? I have my to do lists and my spreadsheets, and I'm so very very excited, but I still feel overwhelmed.

I appreciate any help you guys can give me!

42 Comments

  • Allie
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allie ·
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    Hi wedding
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  • Allie
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allie ·
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    Hi wedding date twin!! I accidentally hit respond so sorry for the first “hi wedding” lol. My mom and I are planning my wedding together and one thing that has helped has been printing out contracts and keeping them in a binder! Do you have a wedding organizer? That helps me a lot too! I’m someone who likes paper copies so I print out everything I can and it helps ease my nerves!
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  • T
    Savvy February 2020
    Tosha ·
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    It sounds like you have pretty together to me! Don't stress too hard over the timelines they put in the planners and online. Unless of course you are throwing a really large wedding...then do not listen to me. I don't have experience. My wedding is the 22nd of Feb. I'm really excited and only a tiny bit stressed Smiley smile Just stay positive know that no detail will ruin that day. You are marrying the one you love and it will be amazing!
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  • Neeva
    Super April 2020
    Neeva Online ·
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    I understand this! I was hoping my parents would organize a lot since the wedding is where they live (not me), but they don't understand that things need to booked in advance and contracts need to be official. They think you can just wait until the last minute and shake on things haha. Follow the check list for wedding wire, it helps a lot.

    Following this forum also helps remind me that none of us are professional planners but are all figuring it out together.

    My main advice is to book your vendors and figure out what everyone is wearing (most importantly you) then with 100 days out just focus on the details and timeline for the day.

    I'm sure you are much more in charge of things than you think.

    If you are still not sure what to do, I would recommend a day of coordinator. Mine is taking over at 6 weeks out and will take charge on wedding day of coordinating everything so I can relax.

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  • M
    Expert January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    For some very general advice, I would consolidate your "million to do lists" into one list and then go through the list carefully with your future spouse and eliminate anything that doesn't matter. Just because someone on the internet or a book tells you you need to decide on a theme, book a photo booth, or choose chair covers (for instance) doesn't mean you need to. The only REAL requirements are officiant, marriage license, and you two. The rest is gravy (or icing Smiley smile).

    Once you have pared down your list to the important/relevant things, then give them a priority, a deadline, and a task owner (you, your FS, or a vendor). Tackle the high priority items and set the rest aside. Pause, breathe. Move onto the medium priority ones and repeat.

    You can do this if you work together and filter out all the noise to focus on only the essentials.

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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    Oh goodness, I love that idea! I am definitely a person who lives inside of paper calendar books and schedulers; I'm surprised I didn't think to put together a paper wedding organizer. (Also, hi wedding twin!!! How exciting is this? It still feels very far away sometimes, but we're almost in the double digits!)

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Honestly being on these forums and talking with other brides to be and married ladies and raging other people’s posts to get a feel for what most people do was what helped me the most!
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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    I always imagined I'd have a small, intimate wedding... but then I got engaged to someone who has a very large family, so we're expecting over 200! Crazy town!

    I'm definitely working on the stress thing. What's important is that we'll be married no matter what! Smiley smile

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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    Thank you for your words of encouragement. Parents are definitely funny sometimes! I do appreciate these forums, though, and reading about everyone else having some of the same problems, as well as the solutions. We're all in this together!

    I'll definitely have someone else directing things and telling people where to go on the day of! I am so impressed with brides that can shoulder everything all at once, and then look beautiful on their day! I'm personally not that talented.

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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    Great advice! A lot of the online/book to-do lists do have a lot of extra steps that I don't think we'll be taking. I think paring down tasks would make me feel better, especially visually looking at it.

    Thank you so much!

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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    I just found these forums today and I am loving it! Smiley smile

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  • Jessica
    Devoted November 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Zola app has a checklist with timelines to follow for each month leading up to your wedding. It can seem overwhelming at first especially if you plan to cut alot of items out, but just go through the whole checklist once and satisfy all the "to do's" you won't need to do. This really helps you prioritize and ensures you don't miss a beat.
    • Reply
  • T
    Savvy February 2020
    Tosha ·
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    Ok thats a big family! It will be so fun! Try to enjoy the planning process too.
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  • Jessica
    Devoted November 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Sorry it is actually the wedding wire app with checklists! Lol
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  • Allie
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allie ·
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    I’m so glad that helps! I know it helps me for some reason. I’m not very organized as it is, so once we started planning that definitely helped keep my thoughts together!


    And I know, 100 days!!! I’m so excited + stressed all at the same time. Is it weird I’m so worried about weather? My ceremony is outside and I know May can be so rainy!! Just another thing for me to worry about I guess 😂
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  • Chantal
    Devoted May 2020
    Chantal Online ·
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    Oh my goodness, mine is outside, too! We're having it up at his family's Christmas tree farm, so we'll be high up, which doesn't add to the rain-anxiety! I will keep praying for both of our sakes! lol

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  • Allie
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allie ·
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    That will be so beautiful, I love that!! And yes I’ll be praying for us too! Haha
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  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan Online ·
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    One thing that really helped me during the planning process was the checklist here on WW and on The Knot. Also, staying incredibly organized! I had a wedding binder with separated tabs for every vendor. I had inspo photos, color swatches, spreadsheets, contracts, etc. in each tab for their respective vendor. Another thing is checking out the forums here on WW and getting advice from brides who had already been through the entire planning process. So don’t be afraid to ask questions on here!

    I did have the luxury of having a mom who did wedding planning on the side back in the day, so she helped a lot with questions. However, we don’t live in the same city, so a lot I had to physically do on my own. Not that my wedding is over I miss the planning process and honestly feel like a semi-pro lol Smiley xd .

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  • Samantha
    Dedicated January 2022
    Samantha ·
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    If you're having a bridal party...don't forget your "bride tribe" delegating can be helpful too just as long as you know what you're delegating I guess. Lol. Hopefully your girls are closer to you to help out. And I think the checklist on here are SUPER helpful too.
    • Reply
  • L
    Expert May 2020
    Leslie ·
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    I’m sorry but some of the list are a little too much for me. I have a folder that I’ve placed my contracts and receipt for wedding dress. The folder came from my venue. I also have a small spiral notebook that I refer to and take with me. I’m 90 days out. My important items were venue, dress, photographer, dj. I just ordered my invites as they need to get addressed and out he door soon! I’m buying my table decor (doing my own) and ordering flowers for me and all the wedding party (Costco). I’ve ordered my headband and first fitting coming up. I also have a tasting. My venue doesn’t provide a cake so I am going to look at a local bakery for a cake. And I am scheduling my hair and makeup after I do a trial run. But all of it is in my notebook. At the back I write my commitments (who I’ve paid, what I owe, etc) so I have payments ready when their due. Try and think what your wedding looks like and what parts are missing.

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