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VIP September 2016

Incorporating my cousins in the ceremony. Advice needed.

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Patricia, on April 12, 2016 at 2:50 PM

I am having a bit of a debate with my fiancé. I have made his two cousins coming from brazil my bridesmaids. All in hopes to include his side of the family as much as possible because only a handful of his family will be coming from Brazil. In the beginning I was put on the spot about my MOH's daughter being my flower girl. Not a big deal to me so I said yes. I also made my 5 year old cousin the ring bearer. My fiancé is upset with me for everything being about me? at least that's what he's getting from those choices. I see where he's coming from but everyone in his family is over 21 so its not like anyone could fill those positions anyways. I also included the ring bearers 2 sisters and older brother. I thought about having the girls carry signs "its too late to run" and the other "because here she comes." Then I was going to have the older brother (10 years old) act as an usher and maybe do a reading. My fiancé is saying that holding signs are "lame" and they should be flower girls.

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24 Comments

VIP September 2016
Patricia · on April 13, 2016 at 9:21 AM
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Thanks BridetoB. I wish he would want to talk about the wedding. Maybe if I do ask him whats important to him it will help. I don't think he's offended per say. He just thinks anything like signs or cheesy things are stupid. I was surprised when I brought up having a sunglass table with a sign saying "don't let our love blind you, Take some shades" that he was actually okay with that. Maybe after that I shouldn't do any more signs anyways.
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Super July 2016
Botty · on April 13, 2016 at 9:26 AM
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It's super common to have multiple flower girls... problem solved.
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Patrick Lopez · on April 13, 2016 at 9:48 AM
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Patricia, as a man I can tell you that it really does bother most of us when we made a decision to be with someone, but it's instead painted as if we don't have a say in the matter. The whole "it's too late to run" thing is implicitly telling other people that you and you alone are in charge of this situation and that his feelings don't matter. It says that he's trapped and he doesn't get to choose. By contrast, the "don't let our love blind you" idea communicates that you are both equal partners in something beautiful. Notice how he is much more receptive to that?

Clearly you want to add some fun and levity to your ceremony, which is fine. I've done many weddings where this has been a goal for the couple. The key to doing this effectively is that you have to read down into the implied messages so that you don't undermine the significance of your wedding day and everything that it means. Do not undermine the significance of your FH wanting and choosing to spend the rest of his life with you.
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VIP September 2016
Patricia · on April 13, 2016 at 9:58 AM
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I can see what you mean Rev.Patrick. We do want our wedding to be very fun and light hearted which is why I thought the signs were funny and cute. I in no way wanted to make it seem I am dragging him there and I doubt anyone would think that. But maybe is does bother in him that way. He is very open with me when something bothers him and will always say why. I have decided to do away with the signs. I will have them be flower girls. Maybe they can each carry a couple flowers and give them to ladies as they do down the isle. I think that is fun without making me seem like a control freak and without making my fiancé feel uncomfortable.
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