In Sickness And In Health

Because she is so disabled as to require round the clock care, and so mentally disabled as to be unable even to be grateful for that care, she is lucky to have not one but two people willing to give her the care she needs. Many in that situation are simply shipped off to a nursing home, which can be very scary for someone who doesn't know what is happening.

I'm generally opposed to cheating, for two reasons. If I don't know about it, my spouse is being dishonest with me. If I do know about it, my spouse is paying attention to someone else that they ought to be paying to me.

In this case, neither applies. The girlfriend is right there in the house, so he's not being dishonest. And he simply can't have any kind of marital relationship (sexual or otherwise) with his wife, because she has no idea that she's even married to him. (Indeed, initiating sex with her now, when she'd see him as a stranger, would likely be frightening to her.) In what way is she being hurt by having the girlfriend around?

My aunt had early onset Alzheimer's.

My uncle was pretty certainly seeing someone on the side. The difference, here, is that it was known that he cheated on my aunt throughout their marriage. He was not seeking someone to help him with care (my cousins helped and then they moved her to a nursing home with skilled staff).

This situation is... unique. I'm unsure as to how I'd feel in that situation, but it also doesn't sound exploitative, abusive, or harmful to anyone involved. Caretaking is a difficult and draining task, particularly of Alzheimer's patients. To have help, along with trust and support from a relationship...

It's a situation not a lot of people would choose...

Yeah, this is a sticky situation.

I don't know how to feel about this situation either.